Emily's Life - Welcome to the Adventure

Why I want to do what I want to do...

2011-12-06T22:35:00.001-08:00

I've had lots of people tell me that my dream of having an all-adopted family is "nice," but that I'll be missing out on something (by not wanting to have children naturally). I understand that this may be true from their perspective, but... This... THIS is why I want to do what I want to do. Please go and watch Xiaoyun's video about why adoption. Warning... tears... lots of beautiful, heartbreaking, amazing tears.

http://elliourgiftfromgod.blogspot.com/p/xiaoyun-speaks.html

Why I Hate It When People Say, "You Need to Learn to Say NO!" and other stories

2011-11-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a lioness who was very active. She worked all day, and was involved in lots of different lion activities. There was the meat ripping group that she led - because some of the other lionesses didn't know how. She loved teaching the cubs how to roar. She taught a hunting class, and often went out to watch the giraffes with her lion friends. She was busy, but she was happy.

Part of the reason the lioness was so busy was because there was once a time in her life when she couldn't be! Her pride had a sickness and she needed to take care of the others, and just didn't have anything left to give to the cubs or the other lionesses. She stayed close to home, protecting those she loved most. But when the sickness was gone, oh how she rejoiced! She was so thankful for the support from her pride and the others around her that she gave back to them, all the love and caring she could. Giving made her big lion heart so full!

There were many opportunities she even passed up! She really didn't want to take the cubs on field trips to chase the antelope, and she had no desire to host the annual bone eating contest! She said no to these opportunities with a swat of her paw and a liony roar - "No thanks! I'm happy where I am!"

Soon, though, she recognized that she wanted to be involved in much more than she had time for! She started being even MORE selective about her activities, even turning down the things that she most wanted to do! It was at this point that there was some dissension in the pride. Other lionesses would come to her and tell her that she simply "didn't know how to say no." They would lecture her on how it was alright to tell people "NO," even if it was difficult.

"ROAR!" she would respond! "These lionesses don't understand! I say NO every day! I am an excellent 'NO-Sayer!' ROAR!!!"

The poor lioness was frustrated. No one seemed to understand that she was quite able to turn down those things she didn't want to do. Her struggle was simply deciding what, of the things she wanted to do, she had to not do.

Eventually, after much prayer (and not a little "ROAR!"ing), the lioness was able to discern which activities she should stop doing. The other lionesses would still look at her as if to say, "I told you so!" but she learned that what they thought really wasn't important. She may be frustrated when they didn't understand her, but she knew her own lion heart. Saying "NO" wasn't the difficult thing for her. Not being involved in all the fun? That's where the rub was!

"ROAR!!!"

Mail Call - Victoria!

2011-10-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to get a letter in the mail from Victoria this weekend!

Victoria is my correspondent child. I am not her financial sponsor, but I get to write to her and share my and God's love with her. I am so very blessed to be able to do this! I'm super excited that I got a letter from her because I've only been her correspondent since the middle of August! That means that her letter came to me in just over a month and a half, from Ghana! My communication with Ezra takes MUCH longer, usually around 3 months.

Victoria wrote to me in English (which could be one reason things went faster - no translation). She used the "My First Letter" form, and got to tell me some basics about her family. She told me about her family, that she lives with her mother, 2 brothers, and 2 sisters!

One message to me, "I thank you for sponsoring me." That is such a profound and simple statement. This girl is 12 years old and hasn't had anyone corresponding with her. She knows, however, that someone out there cares. It doesn't matter where the money comes from--it matters that someone loves her. I'm so very excited that my first letter to her (that I wrote the DAY she was assigned to me!) is probably getting to her around now as well. She's got more coming. Oh, girl... you're gonna know you're loved!

Can You Hear Me Now?

2011-09-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

Months ago I went forward at church during our prayer time. As the pastor was praying for everyone in general, he stepped down and prayed a specific prayer over me. I emphatically agreed with him in my heart, but didn't see a clear solution to the prayer.

Life moved on.

About a month later, another pastor, different from the first, called us forward if we wanted prayer at church. Again, the prayer for everyone in general. Then he stepped down, hand on my shoulder, and prayed a specific prayer over me.

Funny thing was... it was almost word for word the same as the initial prayer... and the second guy wasn't there the night the first one prayed.

I was encouraged that God certainly had a message for me. I prayed it over my own life. But the clarity about what the results should be, or specifically what it meant? Not. There.

Tonight, the pastor asked people struggling with a specific issue or specific need to come forward. My life fit in that, so up I went. My heart was continuing a conversation I'd been having with God for months, and He responded with half of a bible verse. A situation that I've been praying about for weeks suddenly had an answer. Pieces tumbled into place. And then, as I'm feeling slightly relieved that at least one thing is settling down, I feel a hand on my shoulder... and there's that prayer. Again. Aloud.

I know I'm stubborn. I know I'm hardheaded. I know that it usually takes me a few tries to acknowledge where God is leading me. But this time? This time I just want clarity on what He's saying.

The good news is that He's saying it. He's consistent. He's being as clear as He wants to be right now, I'm confident of that. I'm listening and I'm growing and I'm seeking His heart as He's holding mine.

I still feel like I'm missing something. I feel like there's a big puzzle piece sitting right in front of me, but somehow I'm missing it. I will pray. I will seek Him. And I will remember that as long as I am truly, wholy, wanting His will to be accomplished in my life, and acting on that desire, He will guide my steps, even when I don't "feel" like He is.

He's just that way.

Correspondent Child!!

2011-08-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

So you know I'm a Compassion sponsor, right? I've sponsored Ezra from Indonesia since 2004 - she's 11 now! I recently learned that you can also request a correspondent child... There are some children in the program who never get letters, etc., and while their sponsor wants to continue financially supporting them, the sponsor doesn't want to write. Compassion believes so strongly in the connection that the sponsor makes with the child, in encouraging him/her, loving him/her, showing him/her that there is someone who truly cares, that these children can become correspondent children. Someone else pays the monthly sponsorship, but the correspondent is the one who writes to them.

When I learned about this, I realized that, though my budget isn't built for a ton of kids, my hands can easily write letters and support another child that way. I finally got my correspondent child YESTERDAY! I went on my compassion account and saw that it no longer just showed Ezra's beautiful face - there was a link to another child! 12 year old Victoria from Ghana!! I was so excited last night that I instantly sent off an email (and wrote one to Ezra, too, since I was there!) and will follow up with a letter and some pictures soon. (Compassion allows for handwritten letters, obviously, but they also have an email system... The email you write is sent immediately to Compassion to disseminate to their translators and get to the child. I love handwritten things, just to show that personal touch, but having the email option has allowed me SO MUCH MORE communication.

Anyway, I'll update when I hear from her (or Ezra!). I'm actually putting Ezra's lapbook in the mail today, so I can't WAIT to hear if she likes it. :):):)

Out of the Overflow of the Heart...

2011-07-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I've brought you all on my journey with Jesus more this month than I have in the last 2 years combined. ;) That's OK, I just feel like I'm learning and realizing and experiencing so much, I, like Jeremiah, cannot keep God's good works contained inside me!!!

Some of you know that at the end of December 2007, I made a commitment to read my Bible every single day for the month of January 2008. That led in to February, then March, then April... Finally becoming a bit more sustenance than chore in June-ish of 2008. This daily helping of God's word got me through life's more horrifying moments (my sister's brain cancer from September 08 - June/July of 09). It has brought me life and encouragement regularly. It's no longer something I DO, but something I AM. I don't mean to say that I'm always fully engaged in the activity... I have to admit that sometimes I read, just because I need to - like taking my medicine first thing in the morning. I do it because it's necessary. Lately I've been swinging the other way, though... Cherishing how God is refreshing my soul through His words (can you tell?).

Over three and a half years after I've started this journey (that's 1,308 days for those who like that kind of stuff) something has changed in me--and it's a recent change.

I was talking and praying with a friend the other day, and as I was praying, Scripture came out of my mouth. We continued talking and I was able to speak God's word into her life, and to share exactly what He'd already said to me with her.

I talked to my boss about the same ongoing situation that the "Collision" post was about and I begin to describe one of the Psalms that God has brought to me... On another occasion I start quoting Scripture at work.

I take a walk around my park and my prayers come out as Bible verses.

I enter into worship at church and I begin singing (and signing!) God's words back to Him.

Folks, Psalm 119 says that we need to hide God's word in our heart. We need it tucked so tight in there that there is nothing that can pull it away from us - but so that we can freely share it, live it, speak it. It's not necessarily about memorizing a verse and having something to recite (though memorization is one great way to hide His word). It's about living and breathing something so much that it starts to seep out of your pores. It's about wanting something so desperately, about seeking something so wholeheartedly, that we can't help but share what it is we're pursuing.

I wish I could erase some of the wasted time I've spent over the last three and a half years. Maybe this would have happened sooner. But I think that my sins, my issues, my foibles and fall-backs, all serve one purpose - to tell you that this is not me. This is simply a reflection of my Savior living and breathing through me, and I am simply a (mostly) willing vessel, wanting to be used.

But it took years y'all.

YEARS.

Years to move from awkwardly talking about what the Bible says to starting to breathe it to life.

Was it worth it??
Heck yeah.

Is it worth it for YOU to start?
So much more than you could ever imagine.

Conversations With Jesus

2011-07-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I took a brief walk around my park in the evening light. I feel like I'm still physically recovering from massive sleep deprivation at Creation (gotta fix that next year!), so yesterday was largely a lazy day. Getting outside for the last bits of sunshine (which have been sorely missing this summer!) and a little bit of movement was what I needed.

As I was walking on the sun-dappled sidewalk, enjoying the fresh, clean breeze and the setting sun warming my back, I opened my heart for a conversation with God. My pastor once preached a sermon about praying, and talked about how he didn't FEEL like he was a "Pray-ER." In actuality, though, he was a man of prayer--he just believed the lies that he didn't pray enough, good enough, etc. That resonated with me because I've always felt like I'm never communicating with my Savior enough or appropriately. It also sticks with me because God completely debunked that myth in my life, and I just need to remember that when the lies come at me.

ANYWAY, I opened up a conversation with God. Sometimes I don't know where these things are going to go, or if I'm going to hear His side of the conversation that day, or what. Yesterday... Yesterday was quite clearly a two-way conversation. I started praying and just sharing my heart with Him. Immediately, I KNEW He not only heard me, but was right there, feeling the pain and the joy that I felt--whether right or wrong--simply because He is my Father.

I was reminded, also, how well I know the voice of my Father. Some people think that if they don't hear a booming voice that terrifies even the trees around them, they probably aren't hearing from God. I've never heard that before. Ever. My heart knows, though. My heart knows that when I'm in the middle of expressing my thought and I already hear the response? That's the voice of my Savior. When that response echoes the promises and love reflected in Scripture? That's the voice of my Savior.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my Jesus. All around the park we walked. He didn't answer my main questions, but He did answer some of them. Enough to surprise me, and make me wonder about how majestically He works. He doesn't paint His pictures the way I would, that's for sure. But at the end of life, if we compared His masterpieces with my fingerpainting... His would reflect more colors, more life, more beauty that we could possibly comprehend here. Mine would be... well, a brown smear, at least in comparison to His.

So I will be patient for His answers to my questions to work themselves out in time. OK, maybe not patient. I'm not so good at that part. But I WILL wait. I will seek. I will keep asking. And I will be in awe of His good works.

Collisions...

2011-07-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do my best with this post to be as honest and real as possible, while still being discreet and responsible. Please just read my heart and understand my head with the rest... (I don't even know if I'll post this.)

Certain areas of my life have felt like they were slipping over the last 7 months. Not my faith in God, or any relationship areas, but in very specific, external situations. I've let out plenty of desperate cries to our Creator for help and healing. He's providing the physical healing right now, which has helped with the other stuff, but that... "stuff...?" Well, it's still there.

Last week I was blessed beyond any blessing I could ever imagine having received. I was able to go to Creation (a 4-day Christian music festival in Enumclaw, WA) and be a part of the sign language interpreting team there. To set things up for this post, you need to know that my JOB is working with interpreters. The "stuff" in my life at the moment has to do with this exact topic, and these people and the people we all serve together. So... well, I was unsure about what to expect when I walked into camp on Tuesday. I've been hurt, and was still hurting... I felt like that area of my life was a crumpled mess, at least in part.

I knew two of the interpreters (of 20) on our team already, and had made acquaintance (in real life or FB) with two more. I was excited, so very excited, and so very nervous.

I got to camp and the only person there was the husband of one of the interpreters. We talked for a minute, and then a few more campers (interpreters and family members) came up. One offered to help me with my tent and I, in my crazy need for independence, said he could help if he wanted to... finally acknowledging how difficult it is for me to ask for assistance. He helped me anyway, and we laughed through it. More and more interpreters and their families started trickling in and I was greeted with love and laughter, smiles and hugs, and assured that, from the first minute I met someone, I could be... ME.

The week passed like a blur. Crazy laughter, teasing, prayer, tears, support, encouragement, believers all gathered together to worship our Creator God. Every day I felt a little part of my soul and my heart being healed and softened, knit back together. I was able to minister into others' lives, and to openly allow them to minister to mine--even when they had NO idea what they were doing. When they thought I was doing something for them, my heart screamed out thankfulness for the healing that they were providing me. It seems silly almost. I never expressed to most of them how wounded I felt when I got there... partly because I'm not sure I knew it, and partly because I simply was not allowed to by those who have caused the burden on my soul. The laughter and the silliness and the praising of God and singing and crying and... and everything... they were what I needed.

See, when I came home, exhausted and ready to sleep for twice as long as my available 13 hours (!), I was so thankful. I felt what life COULD be. What it SHOULD be. Where it is that God has called me. No, I'm not called to be an interpreter at Creation for 52 weeks of the year. I AM called, however, to serve people. To LOVE people. To EXHORT people. To TEACH people. And to have some fun doing it.

I dragged myself to work on Monday morning. 7am came far, far too early, even after 13 hours of sleep. When I got there, I recounted some of the funny stories, the ways I'd been touched, the amazing music and speakers. I settled in to play catch up with emails and voice mails, but always with the faint smile of serving God so close on my face. At the close of my second hour, however, my happy reprise was shattered. The "real world" came crashing down on me with a roar I was sure was heard in the heavenlies. I tried to grasp what God had reminded me of in Psalm 27, that He is my way out of these situations. My heart ached for what I had just experienced. All I could do was repeat, "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" to myself, over and over and over.

I tried to run.
I tried to hide.
I tried to go cower in my cubicle where no one could hear me and compose myself.

I was caught in a collision of what could be and what is, and I felt like I'd been slammed to the ground with the present situation. Despair loomed in front of me, taunting me.

My boss asked me a question.
I raised my hands to answer and instead of words a deep, mournful sob arose.
I. Was. Broken.
The collision between these two worlds, the imperfect utopia of serving Jesus there and the perfect chaos of serving Him here collapsed down upon me and I had nowhere to go.

I live in grief because I cannot have that imperfect utopia yet. It's there, it's waiting, but it's not mine to have... yet. I live in hope because I know Jesus wants to shine in my perfect chaos. He still has things to do here, things to do through me. And I must let Him. I have to remember that the collision exists simply to show HIS light, not mine.

If that is truth, if I can believe that, then I am willing to be broken again and again, until He accomplishes His purpose.

But Lord...?
Please let it be soon.

It Must Go

2011-07-17T00:39:00.000-07:00

Today was an excellent day. between taking care of my car, playing with old friends and new, and listening to God whispering (OK, shouting sometimes!) to my heart, I feel so blessed, whatever the week may bring.

God DID speak to me tonight. First of all, I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this to you before, but I love my church. ;) One thing that I love is that I feel free, most of the time, to worship the way God wants me to worship Him - with my hands. Tonight, I had to free myself from the row that I was in (things were getting cramped) when a song came up that I just can't sign small and in front of myself. I am so grateful that it's OK that I moved myself to the back wall and just threw myself at Jesus' feet. It was so, so good.

Have you ever prayed something once or twice, almost desperately, and then God brought it up in public? 'Cause that's what happened to me next. Over the last few weeks, God's been addressing some pride issues (re-addressing?), and I've been slowly willing to let Him speak into my life about that. Pride is a tough issue, especially for me, and God knows how to turn me around - far better than any human could (shocker, eh?). Well, Pastor Peter starts a-talking and what comes out in his message? Pride--or rather, the tearing down of it.

While some of it was lighthearted (and resulted in a group of us after laughing about who got the small fork!), most of it seemed to be directed right at my heart. I was totally engaged at one point, and then I suddenly felt like a knife had plunged into my heart - a bit drastic of a picture, but stay with me. It wasn't there to harm me. It was there to cut out one specific area of a cancer that could take over my life (the specifics are between me and God, but go with me here).

With the words, "If we're following Jesus, there's no way we can ever remain the same" resonating in my ears and my heart, Jesus carefully, piercingly, cut to the heart of a major part of my life.... and whispered, "Child... this needs to go. You MUST change here, I love you too much to let you leave it."

I physically moved as if I'd been punched. I think the wind was almost knocked out of me. I have no idea how God expects me to operate or to deal with certain areas of life with this specific issue sliced out of me. I fully expect to fall back and welcome it back in sometimes--I'm a sinner like that. But He could not be more clear. "It. Must. Go."

Lord, help me to know, to understand, to cope. I KNOW this will make me closer to You and I KNOW Your light will shine so much brighter through me. After all, it's not about me. It's not about them. It's about YOU.

The end part of the service tonight was simply quiet and dark, with soft music playing, and letting us talk to God. I couldn't speak, not really. I just sat there and quietly allowed my Savior to apply his salve to my bleeding heart, and whisper confidences to me. If you think about me, I'd appreciate your prayers. I am not sure how to obey Him in this matter... but I know I must.

Undone....

2011-07-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

This week has been a battle for me.

I have been lied to. I have been rejected. I have been devalued and undervalued. I have been stabbed in the back. I have been lost and left, ignored and neglected. Overrun. Nearly overcome.

In desperation, I have cried out to God for relief and release.
And it still keeps coming.

And then He whispers to me....
"In a desert land he found [his people],
in a barren and howling waste.
He shielded him and cared for him;
he guarded him as the apple of his eye..." (Deuteronomy 32:10)

I am the apple of His eye. I am His cherished daughter. Nothing can tear me away from that.

And I remember...

When I am lied to?
Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.
Then will I go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight. (Ps 43:3-4)

When I have been rejected?
I will accept you as fragrant incense when I bring you out from the nations and gather you from the countries where you have been scattered, and I will show myself holy among you in the sight of the nations. (Ez 20:41)

When I am lost; when I am overcome; when I have nothing else to give?
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. (Phil 3:8-9)

I am reminded, finally and concretely:
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Col 3:12-15)

And then I heal, safe in the arms of my Savior.

Are YOU wet?

2011-05-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

So apparently I suck at blogging, which is funny because in real life you can't shut me up. Serious. Life has been insane this year, though, which causes a bit of stress, a lot of laughter, and some pretty funny moments.

This is the first Memorial Day Saturday that I'm not at the ocean. Even when I bailed on camping with my friends (talk about freezing and rain galore), I still went and stayed with my parents. Probably the only time in the last 20 years or so that I HAVEN'T been there is when I was in MN.

I'm not there this year because of some health issues, but I also want to be at church tonight. Yes, I truly do love my church. I've enjoyed church before, but never have I just loved to BE there, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, worshiping and loving Jesus. It's good stuff.

Anyway, celebrate with me that it's Memorial Day and I'm not wet... well, my hair IS wet right now, but... the shower caused that--not the rain.

And for the record - YES, I know it's not raining at the ocean right now. But I DID see the picture of Lake de Hume. :)

Emily A to Z

2011-04-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

Totally stole this from Mandy. Have been behind in posting AND in reading other blogs, so this is a little fun... So here's a bit about me . . . from A to Z.

A. Age: 32 until June!

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Litter box.

D. Dogs: None right now. Poor Gus Gus left us last year... and I won't get another dog until I'm either married or move somewhere with a yard. :(

E. Essential start to your day: a shower

F. Favorite color: Red

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5' 7"ish

I. Instruments you play(ed): Flute, Oboe, Bells/Xylophone, Guitar

J. Job title: Program Manager. Praying for a job title that includes some form of the word "Pastor."

K. Kids: Yeah, not yet.

L. Live: Washington!!

M. Mom’s name: Eileen

N. Nicknames: Emmy, E'my or Em'my or however Mandy spells it, aaaaaaand that's about it.

O. Overnight hospital stays: None!

P. Pet peeves: Bad drivers. Bad grammar. Bad spelling. (I'm sure you don't want me to list them ALL. :))

Q. Quote from a movie: "These mashed potatoes are SO creamy..." No, just kidding. :) I have so many... This one makes me laugh: "I'll tell you what a paramecium is--THAT's a paramecuim! It's a one-celled critter with no brain!! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!"

S. Siblings: Dad's side: Serry and Gentry - Mom's Side: Jeff, Amy, Scott

T. Time you wake up: 5:30 sucky am

U. Underwear: De-de-definitely

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Pretty sure you should ask which ones I DO like.

W. What makes you run late: Not much. I HATE being late.

X. X-rays you’ve had: I don't remember... The latest one was my left knee.

Y. Yummy food you make: A great macaroni-hamburger-tomato soup

Z. Zoo animal favorites: All of them. We just went to a wildlife park and I had fun watching the Kodiak Bears! :)

Back in the Day....

2011-03-31T22:31:00.000-07:00

You know, Facebook does today what we would have never imagined 10 years ago. We can sit on our couches, or in our cars (hopefully not driving!), or at work, and connect with people that normally would have dropped out of our lives years and years ago... but we've somehow reconnected with through the magic of the internet.

This week, I've been amazed, not necessarily at Facebook, but at the fact that I am now "friends" with some people that I normally would have never seen post 1996... unless it was at a high school reunion. And do you want to know the cool thing about it? Most of us have actually grown up. ;)

Seriously... I see the class clown as a loving and devoted Christian father and husband. I'm in awe of the family that another has grown... so beautiful and honest. Some are off on adventures, some are here in Washington, active in their communities and trying to change the world (even when I don't agree with all the changes!).

I think our opportunity today to witness what LIFE does with people, and what people do with their LIVES... well, I think it's pretty neat.

KYLE!

2011-03-09T20:53:00.001-08:00

Kyle - This one's for you. ;)

Days 6-8 :)

2011-02-09T19:34:00.000-08:00

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

I thought of trading places with Obama so that I could repeal the health care law (grin). I thought of trading places with Beth Moore to see what it feels like to do something like she does and be so successful. I thought of trading places with Stefanie from Ni Hao Y'all to see what it's like to have that many kids - with that many adopted, too.

But you know what? God has given me MY life to live. I have my own struggles and difficulties, but... I also have things that are exciting and fun, and if God has chosen for me to not have or do certain things yet, then I want my own experience!

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

OK, first off, I'm too tired to go take a picture of my envelope system, so I'm stealing a pic of someone else's.

THESE are envelopes. You put your money in envelopes (because cash is king!), and you spend it. When it's gone, it's gone. :) I put this as my most treasured possession, not because of the $$ in it (not much there right now, lol), but because of how much and how UNEXPECTEDLY it's changed my life. Gazelle intense, baby. :)

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

This is the ABSOLUTE BEST picture I've ever seen of my little sister. I ♥ it. So much! (G - I'm sorry.... ;) hehehehee)

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

2011-02-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

OK, there are a LOT to choose from, I decided. ;) But this one? This one was stinking AWESOME. Steven Curtis Chapman in the Live in This Moment Tour... He posted an obscure video hidden on his website telling us to wear or bring something that said "We Are" (as in, "We are the children of God!," in one of his songs). It got those of us who did ON STAGE. In this pic, he's asking who I am and telling me he has a daughter with my name (Yep, I knew that, lol). Later, he came over and put his arm around me as we both sang the chorus into the mic. It was... unforgettable.

BTW - my sign is fingerspelled W-E A-R-E. He kept staring at it when I held it up (while still in the audience), trying to figure out what the heck it was. Then when he got it, he gave a huge grin! :)

Day 4 - A picture of your night

2011-02-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

Day 04 - A picture of your night

I love my church. Like... SERIOUSLY love it. We worship Jesus. We talk about Jesus. We encourage and love each other. We discuss the happy stuff, and we discuss the crappy stuff. This is where I spend Saturday nights, and I'm really happy that Day 4 landed here.

Thank You, God, for bringing me to Faith Assembly of Lacey!

30 Day Photo Challenge

2011-02-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

So this is a FB challenge, but I'm throwing it on here, too! :)

DAY 1 - A Picture of Yourself with 10 Facts

1. I didn't take a new photo for this picture (I'm a cheater, lol)
2. I would love to buy a quad-line kite - Revolutions are BEAUTIFUL
3. I'm older than I look. MUCH older. Most of you think I'm 24ish. I'm 32.
4. I have 5 siblings.
5. My family has llamas. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
6. I hate cancer. A lot.
7. My favorite place in the whole wide world is the ocean.
8. I LOVE to read. I'm reading a Dan Miller book right now - SO good!
9. Cross-stitching is SUPER fun.
10. Some of the best friends are pirates. :)

DAY 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

BJ and I have been friends since 7th grade. He's totally one of my BFFs (And I just threw the "BFF" out there because it'll bug him, GRIN).

DAY 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

GILMORE GIRLS!
Best. Show. Ever.

The Craziness of Adding Friends...

2011-01-22T10:52:00.000-08:00

OK, so I've figured out that the more time I spend in the blogosphere, the more people I "meet," and blogs I want to read up on. I've added a few more blogs to my "People to Meet" over on the left... you should check some of them out. Some of those people I actually know, some have things in common (like adoption or Compassion), some are just of people trying to live their life and their faith as honestly as possible.

I don't really know how many followers I have any more, since so many of us/you have migrated almost wholly to facebook, but... Drop by and say hi sometimes so I don't feel lonely. :) And check out my new "friends." You might like them, too.

Psalm 114

2011-01-10T20:47:00.000-08:00

OK, this is a never before seen FOOTBALL post on MY blog... AND it's about God. Crazy? I know. But bear with me.

First, check out Psalm 114:7

Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord,
at the presence of the God of Jacob,
who turned the rock into the pool,
the hard rock into springs of water.

OK, the Psalmist is celebrating at the presence of God, and at Israel leaving Egypt. Good stuff. And the earth TREMBLED at God's presence... Crazy stuff. It doesn't REALLY happen, does it? I mean, just because God is around, the earth doesn't actually MOVE, right? It's just poetry.

Well... think about this. On Saturday, the Seahawks made a crazy, unexpected win in a playoff game. About three and half minutes from the end of the game, Marshawn Lynch ran a crazy 3,000 yard run (OK, not that long, but close...), scoring a touchdown. The crowd. Went. Wild.

Wild enough to make the earth... tremble.

A minor tremor was recorded on a seismograph near Qwest Field. The 12th Man brought it so loud and strong that the earth literally shook.

Seriously.

If a few thousand fans screaming their heads off can make the earth shake, don't you think that the poetry in Psalm 114 might just be talking about the earth actually trembling at the presence of God?

Now one question remains... when YOU enter God's presence...

What do you do?

Reflections...

2011-01-01T01:55:00.000-08:00

2010 is now officially over. I said goodbye with some good friends from my Central days... and all their children (with noisemakers!). We laughed a lot, talked a lot, and did a lot of running (hurdles!), boxing, ping pong... all on the Kinect. :) I'm home now, in bed with a throat sore from outtalking all those kids, and am reflective... (who gave me the computer at 2 am??)

Tonight marked day 1,095 of reading my Bible straight. 3 years ago, I made a commitment to read a little bit each day for the month of January. I had no idea that I would be challenged (by myself) to continue in February, then challenged by Pastor Dan to increase it in March, and then just stick with it to see how long I could do it. That was the year I turned 30. That was the year I went to the ACM's for free. That was the year my sister got cancer. That time in the Bible, every day, after three years is not a duty. It's not one of those things I have to get done every night before I go to bed. It is an integral part of me. I'm afraid I would stop breathing without it. Thank you, Lord, for turning what I thought was a gift to You into a blessing for me. How honored am I?

This year I had to big opportunities (OK, big to me!) to speak in church. In May, three of us got to do 5 minutes on the topic of forgiveness. It was so much fun to get in front of a congregation and speak again, and to try to be as concise and clear as possible--in just five minutes. In December, I was able to tell my My Story to all three services (1 Saturday, 2 Sunday). Again 5 minutes, but this time it was my story with Jesus. I was reminded that I WANT to be up there, on that platform, speaking into people's lives. It's been so long since I've had opportunities like that, and I definitely feel rusty, but... I LOVE sharing/teaching about Jesus in front of people.

This week I rang the year out right by cleaning my office--no big deal to some, but to me, it was a room that has weighed heavily on me since I moved in 5 years ago. This, combined with one or two other things that I have put off for YEARS have truly freed me, mentally and emotionally from a lot of baggage... baggage I didn't even know was there.

This year I also received a little more clarity about some things in my future--missions I want to go on, and people/ministries I want to be involved in. I don't really know when... but I know that as soon as there is an opportunity, I want to be there.

This marked my second year of living in financial peace, as well. I can't say that I'm debt free yet, but I have cut my debt almost in half so far--and am praying for the second half to leave my life as quickly as possible.

This year I began writing my sponsored child, Ezra, more than regularly. I joined a second Friday of the month writing group, and have written the second Friday of the month--plus MORE for several months now. I am more excited to pray for her, to develop relationship with her, and just to know that I am able to contribute to a little girl becoming a young woman--following God.

2010 has been filled with so much more. It's been a year of growth--in areas where I am surprised to see change. I'm thankful. And I'm anticipatory for 2011... I think there will be more change, more growth... I'm doing my absolute best to follow my Jesus... And I'm excited to see where our journey will lead this year.

Happy New Year!

What My Cats Taught Me About Jesus...

2010-12-07T20:41:00.000-08:00

Last night my cats got into the garbage. They spread it ALL OVER the kitchen. I was so irritated. When I got home tonight I had to clean it up. But all they wanted was to be fed. Now keep in mind two things... 1--I am exhausted right now. I'm so thankful for all I'm doing, and I'm loving my life, I'm just tired... and today was a tiring day, filled with being in charge of a bake sale at work, etc. 2--I feed them raw food and ran out of it last night... kind of improvising this morning. Tonight I had to stop at the store to buy 4 chicken thighs to get them through the next day or two.

Anyway, I got home and was exhausted and had a lot to do before they could eat--before *I* could eat, too. And the crying started. Meow. meoooow... meeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..... I was getting SO irritated. SO frustrated. They wouldn't be quiet. "Can't you SEE that I'm trying to chop your chicken here?" I exclaimed.

Then I looked down...
...and came eye to eye with the sweetest, pleading, golden eyes ever.

All they wanted was their dinner. And they KNEW I was getting it for them. They just wanted it sooner than I was ready to give them.

Enter God's gentle reminder... those things that *I* keep asking for? Yeah, I COULD be annoying God... but He's so gracious, so loving... and He loves me SO much. and when He doesn't answer me right away? Well, maybe He's just chopping my chicken... so to speak. ;)

A Contest!!!

2010-12-04T20:56:00.000-08:00

All right everyone... it's time to get your cameras or cell phones out... we're about to have a Christmas contest of our own - right here on this blog!!! This contest is what I'll call: Crazy Christmas Lights!

You know those houses that you drive by at this time of hear and just KNOW that Santa vomited up all those blinky lights set to music? You know the decorations that are up that make you look twice? You know those houses that you just have to stop and stare... because of the beauty of the lights? THOSE are what want! I'm embracing Christmas lights and decorations this year... Usually, Santa vomit makes ME want to vomit... this year?? BRING. IT. ON.

Your job -
- send me a picture of a house that you've seen (or that is your own!)
- if you're in my area and don't want to take a picture, send me the address and I'll try to swing by one night!

What are the specific categories? What will the winners get? Probably nothing... nothing except the joy of knowing you won. ;) But do it anyway--it's fun!!!!!

Want an example? Check out last year's winner!

Waiting

2010-11-29T14:31:00.000-08:00

So... do YOU ever pray for something, sooo hard... God tells you about it, He stirs your heart so that you yearn for it like you've never yearned for anything before, you learn about it, research it, and generally do your best to GET it... and at the end of the day you're still left empty-handed?

I have.
I DO, actually.

Every day I feel like I'm left at the throne, thankful for what I HAVE, thankful for the dream that He has built in my heart, but left wondering if He ever truly means for it to come true.

Let me say my disclaimer: I know He does. I have no doubt about that. I have no doubt that His plans are better than mine could ever be. It's just hard sometimes, and I'm sure you all can relate to that--to the emotional response.

Part of me is wondering WHY I'm left wanting what He's promised but not yet fulfilled. Maybe it's to remind myself LATER how much i wanted this--you know, when times get tough. Maybe it's to increase my desire--to teach me to love the way HE does, more purely and selflessly. Maybe He is simply using this time to grow ME, to teach me to become more dependent upon Him. Actually, I think all of these things are true. They are definitely happening during this process of waiting, and I am striving to let Him make the best use of my time right NOW.

But.

But I get stuck in comparisons (which He is quick to point out and correct).
But I KNOW that no matter how much I can grow right now, I could be DOING more, CHANGING others' situations so much more.
But I'm left feeling like I am lacking in some vital way... that maybe I'm not good enough or grounded enough or pretty enough or... or enough for Him to trust me.

I fear I am destined to be different. I will always know the meaning of the word "WAIT" - more than others around me. But in the waiting, I know I need to ask myself, "What am I doing to prepare?" When He says "GO" I want to be first in line to answer.

SO Excited

2010-11-28T11:21:00.001-08:00

OK, maybe you remember me introducing you to Ni Hao Y'all a few weeks ago. Well, she's doing 30 days of giveaways--so many beautiful, handcrafted items. Guess what? I won!!! :) Check out Suzanne's blog: http://onelessbrokenheart.blogspot.com/ Click on the Family Values Canvas link and check out the pics on the right - aren't they FANTASTIC?!

I'll be working on getting mine done--making it custom colors, words, etc. When I DO get it, I'll post pictures. I'm so excited! Now, you need to know this.... She's using the money she raises from making these signs to help bring her little boy Eli home from Ethiopia!!! You should contact her and check out her signs and aprons!! :)

Snow Day!!!

2010-11-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

Outside of my window…. is snow. And ice. And frozenness. BRRRRRR....
I am thankful for… Christmas movies. I've been watching a LOT of the Hallmark channel. A LOT.
I am thinking about… the fact that my eyeballs hurt and I'm really tired.
I am praying for…my future. My husband, my children... those orphans who don't/won't have a mommy until God lets me into their lives.
My projects for the weekend…Christmas and Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving part is obvious, but I'm starting to decorate for Christmas right now. I just cleaned some parts of my carpet today, so I've got furniture in the middle of the room. When the carpet dries (i.e. tomorrow), I'll have everything rearranged so I can get my Christmas tree next week.
I am nervous about... The busyness of this next month. Between commitments at church, work, etc., I have to truly focus on God - and the reason WHY I am so busy--how much I love my Jesus and celebrating his birth!!

Check Out a New Friend!

2010-11-15T06:04:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, Make sure you check out the newest addition to people to meet on the left: Ni Hao Y'all! I'm loving her blog; she's a family of adoption! And right now she's in the middle of 30 days of giveaways!

I love it!!!

This and That

2010-11-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

I stole this from another blog--Michelle is a Compassion Advocate and I love reading her stories about her kids, etc. She posts this from time to time... and I sometimes have a hard time coming up with fun topics... so this is what *I* am going to modify for myself!!! :)

Outside of my window…. it finally looks like November. :) It's gray, drizzly, cool... It's funny, though... with the warm days + the rain, some of my plants have started blooming again! I've got a bright yellow Gerbera Daisy on my porch--my favorite flower... thanks, God!
I am hearing… the Dick Van Dyke Show. I just turned an episode on to watch while I ate some lunch. :) All weekend, though, it's been Pandora with Christmas music!
I am smelling… my fuzzy, snuggly Lockwood.
I am wearing… my 2007 RID long sleeved shirt. It's warm and comfy.
My plans for the day…I already went to church... I help sometimes with the sound for Children's Church. It was fun, and the kids were super cute. I MAY have friends swinging by later, but not sure. That means I should probably vacuum downstairs! :)
I am thankful for… my long weekend. I've been off work since Wednesday (it's Sunday now) and have done SO Much in my house. It's been a long time since I've been this productive.
I am thinking about… how glad I am that I've gotten connected with Faith Assembly of Lacey. I just love the people there, and God is truly growing me there.
I am creating… at the moment... nothing. I haven't picked up my cross-stitch for a LONG time. I may have to do that soon.
I am praying for… My Ezra in Indonesia. She's my sponsored child through Compassion, and I've been writing her more and more lately... I feel like I'm actually developing a relationship with her--and it's about time. If you sponsor a child, I would really like to encourage you to WRITE to him or her... it's as important as the monthly money.
My projects for the week… Well, my major project this weekend was getting my house clean - and, except for the office, I accomplished it. It feels SO good.

Of Life and Death...

2010-10-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?
~Sir Walter Scott

Tonight's post is dedicated to my Gus. See... Mom, Bob, and I were adopted by a whiny, wriggly lump of puppyness about 12 or 13 years ago. We wanted a dog, and Bob and I were insistent that we get a big breed. The puppy we found was a Shepherd/Rottweiler mix--sure to be a big boy, and with good breeding... at least on his mother's side. She had loose morals, though, and fraternized once to often with the Rottweiler down the street.

I remember 2 specific things about Gus being a puppy. He whined. A lot. And he knew, at his tender, baby age, that he was certain to become an escape artist. Bob and I worked tirelessly to build him a classy kennel. He had a dog house, plenty of room to stretch out, shelter... it was perfect. Our only flaw was that we let him watch us build it. When he saw any weakness in the structure, he stored it away, knowing it would be good for future use.

That smart-dumb dog eventually put his knowledge to use. When put in his kennel, he would take a flying leap and crawl up the 8 foot walls--free to hop down to freedom. When we blocked off that escape route, our Houdini popped the lid off his dog house. Of course that got reattached. He then managed to rip through the chain link fence and squeeze through a hole just big enough. After that was enforced by rebar... Yes... he BENT the rebar. The final attempt at the kennel (to keep him out of doggy jail!) was an electric fence all around the kennel. Sure enough, moments after put inside, one would hear a yip, Yip, YIP! coming from the electrocuted canine, and then a WOOF! of freedom. Needless to say, the kennel has remained empty for several years.

Gus was my helper-dog. I'd work on something outside and shout, "Where's my helper-dog?!" He'd come running! We washed cars, clipped rhodies, weeded, planted, and even ran from the attacking Bald Faced Hornets together. We went for walks on the beach whenever we went to the ocean. We would start with him on his leash (he scared small-dog people) and he'd run out in front of me, every bit my pet dog. As soon as that leash was unclicked, though, he'd fall in line, just behind and to the right of me. I was alpha in our pack of two, and he was sublimely happy to have it that way.

Gus licked all the time. I'm serious... ALL. THE. TIME. He used to have the nickname of Mr. Licky. Then he became Captian Licky... and moved up the ranks. I think that tonight... tonight, the silence will be eerie.

My Gus let us know last night that it was time for him to move on. He was tired of his arthritis. His hair loss. His sore, old body. Today we said goodbye... we shared our last, "I love you's" and "Thank you for being my friend." He got his last belly rub and ear scratch. Tonight he's running and playing again, finding the perfect stick. Meeting up with old friends who've gone on before him. To them and to God, I say... please give my Gusser an extra hug tonight. He couldn't make it here any more, but I'll see him again, every bit the crazy puppy he used to be.

Gus-Gus... I love you. I miss you. I'm so thankful that you're not hurting anymore, but now it's my turn for my heart to hurt for awhile. Despite the insanity that you sometimes brought, you were my good dog, and I'm so thankful and honored to be called your Emmy. Sleep well, Puppy. I'll see you when I get there. Save a walk on the beach for me.

2010-10-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Do good quietly.
~Max Lucado

One Life Impacts How Many?

2010-10-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

It's late and I'm laying in bed reading blogs on my laptop. I know I should go to sleep, but I always seem to push it to the limit on the weekends... weekdays, too, I guess. A few weeks ago a friend asked me, "You love sleep so much... why do you always try to put it off???" I guess I'll never know the answer to that one. :)

In my last post, you read about the book Outlive Your Life and how it and my small groups are affecting me. I'm here to say... it's still going on. This week's video during Tuesday's small group was so powerful--I was almost in tears watching the lives of 2 ordinary Americans change when their world was flipped in Haiti... when the earthquake hit just one week after they moved there to become English teachers. They found their ministry HOME, where they knew they belonged.

My heart has been yearning even more to make a difference in the world. I have always, ALWAYS wanted to leave a legacy, something that I was a part of that is so much bigger than me. God's showing small ways to do that now--and how to prepare for more ways to make an impact in the future. Our small group is planning on tackling an issue in our community, and I'm excited to see this group of women grow into that. I've been completely convicted in my lack of relationship building (i.e. letter writing) for my child I sponsor through Compassion. That conviction has led to me joining a group of other sponsors who write their children every second Friday (that's today, by the way!). My Ezra has a letter in the mail to her right now, and one sitting on my night stand with a bunch of pictures in it--just waiting for one finishing touch and a stamp. By sponsoring her, I AM fighting poverty, hunger, need... she's getting an education, learning about Jesus, and developing a friend--ME. I'm so blessed to call her MY friend... and over the last several months we've actually started to get to know each other better. If I ever go to Indonesia--she's the first person I want to see.

OK, it's nearing midnight. I'm going to go to sleep. But here's tonight's question... well, questionS. Have you written to YOUR sponsored child today?? If you don't have one, are you willing to make a long term difference in someone's life?

What Do I Know of Holy?

2010-09-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

The first time I heard the song "What Do I Know of Holy?" by Addison Road on the radio, I really liked it. I thought it was beautiful, but the lyrics really didn't impact me. I learned them, though, and sang along each time I heard it. Then something changed in me...

I've started a new small group this season. It's based on Max Lucado's book, Outlive Your Life.
The study is rooted in the book of Acts. It questions our lives as we are currently living them; asking if we should stay in our safe comfort zones, or if God really meant it when He said that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) We have the decision right now to do something about hunger, poverty, orphans, the unloved, the hurting. WE have the capability. WE DO. YOU and I. RIGHT NOW.

Enter the marriage of "What do I Know of Holy?" and "Outlive Your Life."

"If you touched my face, would I know You? Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?" If I am doing nothing for the hurting in my community, in our world... what DO I know of His holiness? I DO know the stories; I CAN talk about His mightiness... but what about His desperate love for those who are DYING TODAY because they aren't being fed, or loved, or clothed. Did you know that in the last 5 minutes, NINETY children have already died of preventable illness?? 90!!! During my half hour lunch, every single day, that means that 540 children are dying... and I am doing almost nothing about it. What DO I know of Holy?

Now... I probably am not going to be able to save 2,160 children each week (the number who die during my lunch break during the 4 days that I work). I know that I make a difference in the life of the little girl I sponsor through Compassion. Many of the people I associate with do more than what most comfortable Americans (even American Christians) would say is "our part." But would God have me, would God have any of us stop there?

Questions that have bombarded me this past week:
* Why have I not re-examined foster care and gotten that process started?
* Why do I feel I have to wait until I am married before I can adopt?
* Why have I never volunteered with the food bank through my church?
* Why do I walk by so many needs in my own community and remain, for the most part, unaffected?

The answers (and resolutions) to these questions are between me and God. However, here is the question to YOU:

When your grandchildren discover you lived during a day in which 1.75 billion people were poor and 1 billion were hungry, how will they judge your response?

Table for One...

2010-09-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

OK, I don't blog about this often because I don't feel like this is something that needs to be brought up routinely. However, I felt hit by this tonight, and I haven't blogged in awhile, so... Here goes.

Every time I hear from God, or I am processing what was said at church, or just have questions that need answered, etc., I feel so confronted by the fact that I don't have someone to share it all with. Of course I share with friends, and am SO thankful for them. :) For instance, tonight I chatted with a few over salad and pizza and a going-silly dog. I love that. But when I come home... when I'm faced with me and God, and that's it... I really wish I had another human voice who know me better than anyone else to bounce things off of. It's really, really lonely without that.

I Will Rise...

2010-09-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

Tonight my heart is full of juxtapositions. I have my struggles and difficulties, yet within them all, my heart YEARNS for more of You. I was reading in 2 Chronicles tonight and was simply amazed by You. Solomon built the temple for you, and when it was ready, when the priests and the musicians and everyone where there to start working, You didn't just show up... You completely filled the place.

5:13-14
Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang:
"He is good;
his love endures forever."
Then the temple of the Lord was filled with a cloud, and the priests could not perform their service because of the could, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God.

It just feels so joyful, so full of hope and life... In the New Testament You say that *I* am the temple of the Lord. I am asking You right now, begging You... FILL ME. Fill me to capacity, fill me to the point that You have filled me so much that no one can see me because YOU are pouring out. All of those priests weren't just near Your presence. They were in it, You were swirling around them... that's what I'm asking for now, God... and I'm asking for the grace and forgiveness that would allow Your presence to so envelop my life.

I will rise, Lord. I know that You are calling my name, calling in earnest - and I will answer by rising to You, as Isaiah said, "Here am I. Send me." I am wholly Yours. Mold my heart, keep calling. You are my everything.

Gleeful Feeding :)

2010-09-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

So I just watched the second to last episode of last season's Glee. Do you watch Glee? It's the most fantastically fantastic show on TV right now, at least in my opinion. And when you watch the episode for the second time, you catch the little bits that you missed the first time - and laugh even harder. This was the Lady Gaga episode and it was so fun this time to sing along to Bad Romance and Poker Face--songs I'd never even heard of before this... that I know own on CD! I can't wait till next week when the new season starts! I have to watch it the day after after it airs, though--it's on too late for me. :)

Today we had the Combined Fund Drive fair at work. CFD is through the state, a way for state employees to donate to charities. Today was several of those charities in one big event. I LOVE these fairs. (We have Public Employee Appreciation, a Safety Fair, CFD... the diversity fair was cancelled this year... but they're so fun!) I always get a ton of STUFF at them... and when I moved my office a few months ago, I had a "garage sale"--all the crap that I'd collected over the years went out on the file cabinets for whoever wanted them. I probably had about 20 or 30 items! It was great!

Anyway, today's fair was fun because I got to see the folks from Feline Friends. that's where I adopted my kitties from. They're such wonderful people--and I got to see my babies' foster mom, too! She loves seeing pictures of the boys and hearing stories about them... they were her first fosters! They're having a bit of a rough year this year... They did a rescue of 42 cats from a horrible environment and had astronomical bills. If you can help them at all, I'm sure they'd appreciate it. You can even donate online.

While talking to them, I mentioned that I'm transitioning the boys to raw food. THIS has been an adventure. This week I chopped up my first raw chicken into tiny little bits... very gross. ;) But... they seem to be happy. Cosmo has lost about 4 pounds... I'd like to see him up about 1 lb--then he'll be really healthy. Lucky, on the other had, has gained weight. He weighs approximately 20 pounds now--he's a beast. I want him to DROP about 4 pounds. I'm hoping that this diet will do just that. As of yesterday, they're on 100% raw at night, but still with kibble in the morning. I don't have any organs in the meat that I have, so I'm nervous about completely switching them. Plus, Lockwood isn't completely keen on the bones yet, so I'm giving him time to learn how to eat it. They seem content, though... they do love their chickens!! I'm kind of looking forward to watching for sales and seeing what other meats I can get for them... they can have beef and poultry and rabbit... pork... occassionally a fish, but you've got to watch the mercury levels--that could get dangerous. For right now, as I'm learning, I'm staying away from raw fish. If you're interested at all, I'll keep you updated. If you're grossed out... I'm sorry! ;)

Rest - What does it MEAN?

2010-09-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling with this for a few days now. On Thursday night, God was very clear in telling me that I am supposed to rest. Without getting into specifics, He used multiple means in a condensed period of time, stating: REST. I got the picture... but was very confused as to what it meant.

So first I mulled it over.
Then I started talking to God about it.
Then I read a little about it in the Bible.
Then I journaled it.
Then I talked to friends about it.
Then I mulled it over again.
Then I Googled it. (Google is the answer to everything!)

Here's the problem. When I hear "rest," I tend to think... "Stop doing what you're doing. If you're leading something, take a break. If you're holding something, put it down." But that train of thought frustrated me in two ways; 1-I really don't feel like God is telling me to stop doing ministry, etc., and I know I have to keep my job to pay the little things like the mortgage, so why would He then say to stop everything; and 2-while I was reading about David and Solomon, God was very clear that the kingdom of Israel would be at rest while Solomon was king. He would be a king of rest and peace. Problem is, even though he didn't have to fight a war or anything, he still had to lead a country. He had to judge. He couldn't just take a month and say, "NAH - I don't feel like leading.. I need a break."

So what the heck does "rest" really mean???

So tonight, on my way home, I started to think about it. What if "Rest" doesn't mean "STOP." What if it means something deeper than that... a little more profound..and intense? What if it means, "Rest in the Lord." Now that is something I may be able to sink my teeth into.

After reading my Bible tonight, I hopped on the google. ;) I typed in "Rest in the Lord." MOST of the entries came up quoting Psalm 37:7 - Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. While intrigued, I didn't feel like I had my answer. I mean... I'm trying to figure out what God wants. I'm trying to figure out if He even hears what's going on with me sometimes. I'm trying to figure out this whole... well everything.

Finally, I get the bright idea to open up my Bible and read it there. I flip it open and lo and behold, I've written all over Psalm 37. "That's interesting," I think. "Wonder what it says."

¹ Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;

² for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

⁴ Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

⁶ He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

⁹ For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

HA! Did you read that?
This is a real You do, I do kind of a Psalm. All of the things that *I* am supposed to do are designed to pull me closer to GOD. Delighting in Him, Resting in Him, Trusting in Him...

I think THIS is where the "REST" command lies. It IS resting in Him. It's spending QUALITY time with Him (which was also brought up on Thursday night), it's reading His Word, talking to Him, hearing from Him, caring about what He cares about. It's not stopping small group and work and and and... it's purposefully living my life centered around HIM... resting in Him, absorbing Him with every ounce of my being... refraining from the anger, wrath, fretting mentioned in this psalm - HOPING in Him.

I will continue on this path. I LIKE this path.

That's Just the Way I Am!!!

2010-09-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

Today is the second Friday of the month. That probably doesn't mean anything to YOU, but I've just joined a group that's made a commitment to write to our sponsored children (through Compassion) on the second Friday of every month. This is big for me because I'm so bad at writing to my child. I always have the best of intentions, but I don't tend to go through with them. I'm hoping that this will help incite change in my life - not just in writing to Ezra, but also in praying for her. See, that's another area where I'm really feeling the weakness right now--Intercession.

One of my family members likes to say, "That's just the way I am" when an issue is raised in his life. Have no grace or compassion for others, "Well, that's just the way I am!" Unwilling to help? Callous? "That's who I am - you can't change me!" Unforgiving? Stubborn? Hurtful? Arrogant? "That's the way I was made!"

Bull.

Tonight I'm here to call ME on my crap, and possibly to call you on yours. (I'm in the same boat, though, so don't take it too personally.)

Why don't I intercede as I should for Ezra? I could say that I'm just not a pray-er, at least not like people who's GIFTING is prayer. I'll admit, there are some people who are just darn GOOD at prayer. They love to intercede---in case you don't know, intercession is where I am praying for someone else... on their behalf. So if I am praying for Ezra and her family's health, I'm interceding for her. Just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page. ANYWAY... some people LOVE to intercede and can spend hours and hours and hours praying for other people. If you aren't one of these people, FIND SOME WHO ARE. I'm looking at my life right now and I can think of 2 people for sure who are big time prayer warriors. I definitely need to follow my advice and develop closer relationships with these people or people like them.

See... as Christians, we are not called to stay as we are. Before I was even born, God called me a sinner. He also had already determined that He didn't want me to stay that way. It's pretty clear when you read Scripture that staying as we are isn't much of an option. Therefore, for me... not being much of an interceder isn't really an option. No, I'm probably not going to ever be like one of those prayer warriors I mentioned before. I'm gifted in ways that they aren't - that's part of being in the human race. BUT... I DO need to grow.

That's why I'm going to try to start learning more about intercession... looking at biblical and real-life examples, practicing it more in my every day life, etc. I might add it to a journal. I might create a checklist. I don't know yet. I just know that God wants me growing, so grow I will.

Are YOU growing?

Chronicling The Chronicles

2010-09-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

Another post about 1 Chronicles... I was reading tonight and three things really struck me. Check them out.

Chapter 15. David's about to bring the ark into Jerusalem (after he screwed it up last time and someone ended up dead). He's appointed Levites (all of the priests) to carry it in properly, leading with a choir and this and that. Here's verse 22: "Kenaniah the head Levite was in charge of the singing; that was his responsibility because he was skillful at it."

He was given this responsibility because that was where his skill was. I don't know why, but this verse really made me think tonight. Square peg, round hole - NOT. Kenaniah had skill, and it was put to use to honor the Lord. I like that - a LOT.

-----

There's a verse in chapter 16 (verse 25) that starts out, "For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise..." Do any of you SALT kids remember singing that song? It wasn't based on this verse (I can't remember where it was, but it's directly out of scripture), this just reminded me of it. I LOVED that song. Do I still remember it?

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise
In the city of our God, the holy place
The joy of the whole earth.

And great is the Lord in whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
We bow down on our knees.

And Lord we want to lift your Name on high
And Lord we want to thank you
for the works you done in our lives.
And Lord we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal
Throughout earth and heaven above.

I cheated - I got partway through the song and had to look it up. I loved that one. That and the one about... Your voice... something. I'll remember and remind you all later. :)

-----

Nathan. Holy cow. Nathan was amazing. Nathan was a prophet, and truly a friend to David. If you remember the Bathsheba incident, Nathan was the one who called David on his sin. Well, in chapter 17, Nathan listens to God on David's behalf. Yes, David hears directly from God... but he's surrounded himself with others who hear from God, too. Nathan shares that God is satisfied with the ark being kept in a tent for now, and that one of David's children will build Him a temple.

As I was reading about how God talked to Nathan, and how David responded so honestly to his words, God really emphasized the importance of both parts of that relationship. I want to be 1) the kind of person who listens to God on behalf of the people around me. I want to seek Him out, to intercede enough to hear what He has to say for them. 2) I want to surround myself with people who will do the same for me. Wouldn't church be AMAZING if we would all start listening to God for other people--truly building each other up.... encouraging, loving, even calling out sin... and continually drawing closer to God? I would LOVE it.

Hearing God

2010-09-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

I'm reading 1 Chronicles right now and just finished 1 and 2 Kings. Here's what I've noticed....

See - David, at this point, is running around the countryside fighting battles. He's got his mighty men (there were only three - i always assumed there were a TON of them!). He's got his next-to-mighty men (30 of them, but I can't remember what he calls them). He's doing his fighting thing, and winning battles and stuff. But here's what gets me... he hears God CLEARLY.

Now, maybe this doesn't seem so strange to you. But look at the environment... God TODAY communicates through the Holy Spirit to anyone who has asked. In David's time, though, the Holy Spirit was only with certain people... kings, priests, prophets... David was one of a select few who could actually COMMUNICATE directly with God. And not only did he communicate with God, he did it effectively. He asked, "God, what do we do here?" God replied with specifics - not just, "Fight them," but "Fight them by going to this hill and doing this and wait till they do that, then attack!"

*I* want to listen like that.

God - focus my heart and ears on You. Help me to hear you not only point me in the right direction, but to know the exact place to put each step I'm taking. Help me to ask the right questions to lead me deeper and closer to You. Guide my prayer and thought life to be consistently focused on You, enabling me to hear when You move even just one degree to either side.

Wheels of Pain

2010-09-06T21:55:00.000-07:00

I went to Idaho this weekend for a wedding. It was for my sister's best friend from second grade, Katie. Katie was stunning (of course), the wind was CRAZY (it was an outdoor wedding on the top of a mountain), and Katie and her groom looked supremely happy. It was also a great time to see Serry, since she lives about as far east in WA as she can go, and to spend a little last time with Gentry before she heads off into the big wide world of California.

While we were there, we had some down time and decided to go kayaking. We were staying on a river/lake (FEET from our door) and the place where we were rented kayaks. These little red boats were rather frightening looking... I'm used to sea kayaks where you sit IN the boat... these were river kayaks (which are shorter) AND the kind you sit on TOP of.

Here's the difference.
This is me in a Tugboat Annie's kayak. Not too flattering, and a cheap kayak, but you get the picture:

This is Serry in one of these little, on the top, kayaks. YIKES.So when I first saw these on the top kayaks, I thought... "I'm gonna die." But you must understand... I love kayaking. It's my new favorite sport--the only one I've ever felt slightly good at! So... I tried it. The people there that helped us get in dropped it into the water on the side of the dock. Now... keep in mind... the dock is a foot above the water. My family said that I got to be first... Oh goodie. I had to figure out a way to heave myself into this tiny plastic leaf while not tipping over? Ummmm... yeah, that didn't work. The kayak went left, I went right and I went 3/4 of the way into the water. Great fun. I also scraped up my arm a little.

I was a little shaky, but was still willing to give it a go... even though it felt impossible. We moved over to the boat launch area (why didn't they do that in the first place?!?!?!??) and I made Serry go next. She got in ok, but I could even tell she wasn't totally comfortable. I tried it next (keep in mind, water is POURING off of my clothes still). I made it out all right, felt how tippy it was, and every single muscle in my body was tense. I was already shaky enough... I knew I couldn't last 20 minutes feeling like this, let alone an hour. Everyone else got in the water (we had 2 singles and a double--the double was a sit IN) and i tried to paddle around the marina. I gave it my best shot and then realized that I was miserable and it wasn't worth it. I made it back, dumped myself out, and sloshed my way back to our bungalow.

By the time I'd showered and changed, the scratch on my arm had become a big lump that was quickly turning all shades of blue and purple. I was more than happy to sit on the porch with my dad, take a few pictures, and play around on my laptop. No more sit on tops for me!!!

Today, I still have the bruise. It's quickly turning from the deep purple it became into a nauseating shade of green. My arm doesn't hurt as much, thank God, but I have a big lump under the bruise. When I told this story at the wedding on Saturday, a friend told me I needed a better reason. He said that it must have been a roller derby injury... and we decided that my name is now Wheels of Pain. Nice, eh?

Next time you see Wheels of Pain around, you watch out... I'm not afraid to give you an elbow to the face. :)

A Regretful Life? I Think Not.

2010-09-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Throw Out Fifty Things during lunch today. I know I said this before, but I am completely blown away by the simplicity of this book... and how it has pushed me forward in my life. Like I said before, I'm not at 50 things thrown out yet, but I'm getting there. The first half of the book is physical STUFF. The second half is emotional CRAP. It was perfect timing for me...

See, when I went to Minnesota on vacation a few weeks ago, I got to visit my old school. I sat in the (newly remodeled and stinking GORGEOUS) chapel for a few minutes and felt like I was face to face with years of regrets... what I didn't do, what I did do, relationships I could have pursued, things I could have changed. It was bittersweet... kind of. More bitter than sweet. The regrets were outweighing the good that happened there (and yes, there was plenty of good).

So I got home and, lo and behold, there is a chapter in this little book on regrets. Coincidence? Let's just say that God has PERFECT timing. I read the chapter and really started examining what I regretted and why. It boiled down to just two or three major categories. So I wrote the words, "I am throwing out the regret that..." and filled in the blank. Three times.

That alone was a relief.

But... I wasn't done.

Next on my list, I wanted--no, needed to redeem those situations. I know and knew without a doubt that God placed me there. I just want to be able to take more than a scholastic education away from this place. (Which is remarkable, since I graduated from there over 7 years ago.) So I began writing. I wrote what I learned from each of the situations where I felt regretful. I wrote about the amazing things that happened or people that I met that are still a part of who I am.

Did you know that because of one of my (now non-) regrets, I feel much more equipped to handle other people's problems in life (yes, all the way to suicide), without absorbing their burden into myself?

Did you know that I have learned to say No tactfully and truthfully, without hurting the other person's feelings? (No, I don't exercise this all the time!)

Did you know that some of my favorite mentors are still in my life? Still encouraging me simply by their presence?

I didn't either. But that's what I learned by throwing out some of those regrets. Pretty amazing, eh?

Cat Story and a Winner

2010-08-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

...how's that for a blog title. ;)

The Winner first... Mandy won last night's question! My new favorite TV show is the Dick Van Dyke show - SOOO funny! :) As a prize, she is featured in today's blog! If you click on her name, you can see HER blog... Mandy and I met in college - she was my very first roommate, back in the 96-97 school year at Central. She's married and has a cute 4 year old who loves to laugh - at least to laugh at me. Mandy's daughter makes me think I'm the funniest person in the world (finally someone who agrees with me!!). Mandy's actually one of the people who first got me to go to Salt (a campus ministry at Central) where I committed my life to Jesus. I think I still have an email from her from 1996 (yes, we had email way back then - barely... it was my first email address, I think!) that said that Bruce was passed out in the hall... (4 years later, Bruce became student body president. Hmmm...) Anyway, Mandy's a kool kat that I'm really grateful to have as a friend, and I'm thankful that she's moved back so she can be close to ME! (no, that's not why they moved back. ;) LOL)

And now for the cat story. Well, I'm not really sure which one to tell. I'll just let you know... my two boys, Cosmo and Lockwood, are quite characters. Tonight I accidentally left my closet door open (a no no with two curious kitties around) and Cosmo wandered in to get lost among the clothes, shoes, and bags. Lucky snuck in after him, but leapt out when I hollered his name. I got up to go shut the door and started looking for my Cosmo... the only thing I could see was a little bit of a fuzzy tail sticking out. He'd burrowed up against the back wall behind and on top of a box, almost covered by a bag. As I reached down to pull him out, I swear I could hear him say, "Aw Mom... You ruin all my fun."

Don't worry. He's happily stretched out on the window sill right now, enjoying the cold night air... and plotting his next escapade.

For now... it's off to bed. G'Night!

Randomness of the evening...

2010-08-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

Until I get back into blogging again, my faithful few readers will be blessed with the randomness that goes through Emily's head. Beware... and I apologize ahead of time. ;)

First of all... I got a laptop. THANK GOD. Seriously. It wasn't in the budget, but thanks to some tricky math, faithful giving (that really has a lot to do with EVERYthing), and a very dead desktop... I was able to get this brand new HP on a great deal with no debt AND no touching the emergency fund. God is very, VERY good. Oh, and by the way... I. LOVE. IT. Seriously. I've never loved a computer like this. It's perfect. And I love the keyboard way more than I've ever loved a laptop keyboard before. It just... fits. :):):) <--- that's me, really happy. :)

Speaking of no debt and an emergency fund... It's been over a year and half since I went through Financial Peace University the first time. LIFE CHANGING. Seriously... it's not just a money system; it's not just about budgeting. Dave Ramsey really does get to the heart of the matter. You are FORCED to look at what is important to how, how you spend money and why... I just love it. Totally. I ran into a couple at church on Sunday who are starting FPU this fall, and shared a little about my journey... I hope I energized them a bit!

Oh, I am reading the best book EVER. (ok, aside from the Bible.) It's called Throw Out Fifty Things. It's crazy - half of the people I work with are now reading it. It's beyond simple... the author challenges you to throw out fifty of your things... from those three throw pillows that just don't match anything (that only counts as ONE, by the way!), to the ONE lost earring, to the book that Aunt Sally gave you that you will NEVER read, to the regrets you have from years past. It's simple. It's "easy." It's revolutionary. Seriously, go buy it or check it out from your library. I've renewed mine twice and it's due in two days... and I still have a chapter or two left. Need to get it finished and returned... and then maybe go buy it. She says to do it all in two weeks, and it's been 2 months for me, but the idea is still there. I'm in the 30s I think... most of my stuff is written on several different pieces of paper so I'm not really sure what my total is. It all feels AMAZING. The physical garbage (literally!) is GONE, and the emotional stuff is walking its' way to the dumpster. I love it.

This is far too much for you to read tonight. I'll stop here. What else should I talk about? Want an update on my kitties or my family or work or church or....?

I'll leave you with this:
What do you think my new favorite TV show is?
Any takers? :)
Night all.

Catch Up

2010-08-28T23:01:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging. It seems like facebook has taken over life with the 2 second status update... but without any real concern of what life is about. It will be interesting to see where technology takes us over the next few years. I'm sure most of my readers have jumped ship, but that's OK.

I've got a lot of friends who are totally changing their lives by getting healthy, losing weight, exercising, etc. I've even added Kelly's blog on my blogroll... Hers is Starting my 45th Year - check it out. She's been doing great and just ran a 5K today!

Tomorrow we have a small group leader's meeting at church. I'm supposed to know what my small group will be studying this fall. Is it horrible that I'm completely clueless? I had one idea, but wasn't super sure about it and didn't develop all the stuff I'd need this summer anyway. I could always just do a book of the bible, but I don't even know where to go with that. I'm asking God, but seriously, there's no answer yet. At least... *I* haven't been able to decipher one yet. ;) Sometimes He speaks loud and clear and I still miss it.

Time to go read my Bible anyway... I'm reading 2 Kings. For most of the other books I've been engaged and retaining information, but for both Kings books, I've had a hard time. I think I'm slacking off a little and pushing my bible reading time to too late at night... so that I'm half asleep when I get there (like right now). I probably should have read my bible and THEN blogged. Sigh. ;)

RELAY IS TOMORROW!!!

2010-06-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Relay for Life - Friday 6pm to Saturday 6pm
The Brainiacs (and our new friends Warrington-Stewart!) are going to ROCK THE HOUSE!!!
Serry will be celebrating ONE YEAR OF REMISSION!
It's going to be FANTASTIC! Come on out!!!
http://main.acsevents.org/goto/emilyhill

Black Hills High School - you know you want to be there!!!!

June is bustin' out all over!!!

2010-06-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

June shocks me... for several reasons!
1 - You realize that this is the 6th month of 2010... yeah, we're almost HALFWAY through this year! Wasn't it JUST Christmas???
2 - My birthday is this month. That's just weird.
3 - Relay for Life - EEEK! I'm TOTALLY behind on fundraising and EVERYTHING this year. We're nowhere near goal. If you want to help me out... http://main.acsevents.org/goto/emilyhill
4 - All my teacher friends are bragging about how many wake ups they have. Yeah... you get three months off, don't complain about the pay. ;) (you know I love you... but seriously? the rest of us still have to get up each day.)

5 - this is the BEST one of all. My sister Serry will be celebrating ONE YEAR OF REMISSION this month!!! WOO HOO! :)

Heart Surgery

2010-04-25T01:06:00.000-07:00

It's 1 am and I should really go to bed, but was thinking about this all the way home from my hang-out time with Gentry for her birthday.

Tonight we watched Prince Caspian. It was the first time I've seen it. As with the first Narnia movie, it was fantastic. Something else was similar between the two movies (that I remember from the books, too)... Lucy's relationship with Aslan.

See, I've been doing a lot of listening lately--or at least trying to listen. If you read previous posts, you'll see where God's taking me. The past week has definitely been a struggle over my own direction, but He doesn't give up. Even just today I was able to hear, listen, and obey--and the day was much more glorious as a result.

With this listening, yearning, wanting more, though... I've had to ask myself, "What IS more? What does it look like?" The best example I've yet to find is that of Lucy and Aslan. Is their relationship perfect? By no means. She knows He is there, and yet she doesn't follow Him. She listens to those who doubt around around her, although she knows the truth. But the LOVE! The adoration she has for Aslan... She knows it; HE knows it... and it shows to everyone else.
I want that. I want that adoration with my Savior. I don't want to obey because I MUST, simply as a command. I want to obey and listen because I am compelled to from the deepest parts of me. When I finally do meet Him face to face, I want to run right to Him... able to recognize Him not simply because of His royalty but because I know the LOVE He has for me.

Peter Pevensie: Lucky you know.
Lucy Pevensie: What do you mean?
Peter Pevensie: You've seen him. I wish he'd just given me some sort of proof.
Lucy Pevensie: Maybe we're the ones that need to prove ourselves to him.

What If?

2010-04-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

I have to say that the past two weeks in church have really touched my heart and life. Last week was about David, and though I carried away two main pieces of information, I only clearly remember one. I didn't write it down. Because of that, you all get my ramblings about tonight.

First of all... I have to say, when you pray, DO NOT be surprised when God acts. For some reason, I'm astounded every time. I pray what I think is a simple little pre-church prayer and WHAM!--it's answered tenfold during the service... and even RE-prayed (often word for word) from the pulpit. God WANTS to move, He WANTS to touch lives, and we are the lives He wants to touch. He'll use us to accomplish His will. I don't really get it, but I'm all for it. :)

So tonight, Pastor Peter was preaching from Proverbs 3:11-12:

¹¹ My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,

¹² because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

He talked about being willing to let God do whatever He needs to do in us... I loved this quote: "If God can't compel you to do something you don't want to do, He really isn't your Lord." It's so true... Yes, much of following Jesus IS enjoyable--it's happy and it feels good. But if we lived only in that feel-good place, we'd never grow and draw others to Him. There are times we must do what He says... simply because it is He who commands it. That's obedience.

So we're going through the service and I feel God plucking my heart strings. I wrote in my Bible, "God - Do whatever it is you need to do..." knowing I'm probably not going to love it all... but I want to GROW and MATURE more than I want to stick in a stagnant pool of complacency. Then here comes the kicker... I started thinking about all the times God speaks to me in a day--and I can say that it's a lot. I know my Shepherd's voice, and I'm learning it even more day by day. There are times, though, that I have willfully ignored His voice. There are times when I've let the noise of "life" overpower anything He would want to say. There are times when I know I SHOULD pause to hear His thoughts, but I opt to continue MY day in MY way. And then I get home at night, sit with Him, and grieve over lost opportunities.

But... what if... What if I acted on all of those thoughts and words from God? What if I was ACTIVELY listening, and whenever He told me something, I not only listened and HEARD Him, I acted on His words?

It's almost mind blowing to me. Sure, you may think that this is the most simple thing in the world... But what if He were to say, "HEY - don't get angry at your boss/co-worker. Go over there and ask for forgiveness for what you just said--even though THEY were just as wrong as you were." What if He tells me to do stuff I don't want to do??? What if?

I came to the conclusion that if I actively listened for my Lord for the next 30 days, my life would be radically different than it is today. I'm asking for heart surgery. I'm terrified of what it entails. I'm begging God to be gentle but thorough; disciplined but loving. But I'm still kind of scared.

Here goes... the next step in the adventure.

Relay's a-Coming!

2010-04-13T21:46:00.001-07:00

Hey - go donate to the Brainiacs and our Relay for Life team... Let's END CANCER!!!
http://main.acsevents.org/goto/emilyhill

And he credited it to him as righteousness...

2010-02-13T22:19:00.000-08:00

I LOVE LOVE when God moves. I love it corporately, I love it personally, and I love it when He hits the personal note in a corporate setting. He is graceful, He is gentle, He is strong and mighty. He moves, and when you enter His presence with a willing heart... you move with Him.

I'm in Genesis right now, which is really funny to me because Peter is preaching from Genesis for the next few weeks at church. I like it when God does stuff like that. Anyway, I was reading about Abraham last night, or Abram as he was known until God changed his name.

So first, check out chapter 12, where God promises Abram that he's going to be a great nation:

¹ The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.

² "I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing."

Abram's like, "Rock on, that's really cool, God." God spoke, and Abram left. No questions (that we see), no commentary... Just obedience.

Fast forward a little and we see where Abram REALLY screws up. But we're not going there right now, just remember that Abram is far from perfect, because... look at Chapter 15:

² But Abram said, "O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit ^c]">[c] my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?" ³ And Abram said, "You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir."

⁴ Then the word of the LORD came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir." ⁵ He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

⁶ Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

OK, so Abram, Mr. Not-So-Perfect, just got called righteous.

If you look two chapters further, you'll see where God tells him that he and his wife (aged 100 and 90) were going to bear a son, and he responds by falling down because he was laughing so hard! This is the righteous one? In fact, he was even included in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11!

¹¹By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. ¹²And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

He didn't even get to see it happen. Hebrews 11:13 says that "they did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance."

I love it. I love that Abraham was allowed to screw up. I love that he was allowed to laugh when God told him His plans. In his faith, Abraham was able to live it out... to learn, to be disciplined, and to totally and faithfully believe what God promised. It gives me hope. You and I are not too far screwed up to become right with God. God can still call YOU righteous, as He did Abraham. I don't know about you, but I want to be righteous... I want to be faithful. Do you?

Have you done this?

2010-02-01T21:31:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from Walking with God by John Eldredge:

(John has been journaling about prayer and talking with God. He's discussing praying about a decision here...)

"Now, if I don't seem to be able to hear God's voice in that moment, sometimes what I will do is 'try on' one answer and then the other. Still in a posture of quiet surrender, I ask the Lord, Is it yes, you want us to go? Pause. In my heart I am trying it on, letting it be as though this is God's answer. We should go? Pause and listen. Or is it no, you want us to stay home? Pause and let this be his answer. We should stay home? Pause and listen again."

A friend pointed out that she does this with daily life decisions. I realized that I do, too... Do I want a chicken sandwich or a burger? Get the taste in my mouth... which is more satisfying? I have never, ever done it with prayer, or with something more important than that.

In praying this prayer today... I think I heard an answer. I don't know how, when, with whom, or any of the other myriad of details... but I heard, "YES. DO THIS."

I want to cry with the joy it brought me. Thank you John Eldredge for the prayer support. God thanks you, too. :)

I am SO not ready...

2010-01-31T20:23:00.000-08:00

Last night in church Pastor Peter made a comment... I didn't get it verbatim, but here's the gist: "When God calls you to do great things, you will not be ready."

WHAT?

That was my first reaction. Well, I guess my first reaction was more like... "Uh, where's my pen, I think this is going to be important." Then my mind was blown.

You see... I think God is talking to me. Well, I KNOW God is talking to me, but I don't really know the words He's saying. The big picture of what I'm getting is basically this... I AM NOT READY. I AM NOT QUALIFIED. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK I AM DOING. Get the picture?

SO... when Peter mentioned that, and then said, "If you were ready, what would you need God for?" I sat there and went, "Huh. Well, that makes sense, guess."

Of course, he also talked about/we also prayed about some other things - things right on target with where God is pointing. The good thing for me right now is that I know I have two commissions: PRAY and LEARN. I have to pray for and about this issue, and I have to learn about it. For today, that's it. Hold on to your seats, though, everyone... it could all change in a moment.

Little Bits of Life...

2010-01-13T20:31:00.000-08:00

Pray for Haiti. It is heartbreaking to see their loss. God MUST shine a light over there.

-----

Last night Pastor Peter interrupted our small group. We are finishing up Ephesians and were in chapter 5. He quoted Ephesians 5:10... "...and find out what pleases the Lord." That was my journaled verse last night. What DOES please our Lord? What, in YOUR life, pleases Him? I think that it's all similar, but we all get different variations of pleasing Him. For example, when I'm at work and a certain individual is ranting on about an issue and I've already explained it sufficiently (in my opinion), it pleases Him when I think of HIM instead of myself... and respond appropriately instead of reacting like a child. :)

-----

Haggai 2:11-13
This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Ask the priests what the law says: If a person carries consecrated meat in the fold of his garment, and that fold touches some bread or stew, some wine, oil or other food, does it become consecrated?'
The priests answered, "No."
Then Haggai said, "If a person defiled by contact with a dead body touches one of these things, does it become defiled?"
"Yes," the priests replied, "it becomes defiled."

This struck me last week. It makes complete sense, but it's not really something I've thought of before. When I put my clean hand in mud, the mud is not made clean--my hand is made dirty. If I put smelly socks on my clean feet, my feet do not make the socks clean--the socks make my feet smelly. If I am forgiven by God and washed clean, and then do some action that is sinful, my "holiness" does not purify the action--I am made sinful again.

Change of Heart

2010-01-09T23:08:00.001-08:00

I'm going to do my best to take a bunch of jumbled thoughts and write them understandably... be prepared. :)

This past week I had 2 separate conversations with 2 different friends about growing in God--one led to the other. In the first conversation, a friend pointed out that I have grown and matured a lot in my faith, especially recently. It was brought up in connection with "relationships" (or lack thereof) and got me thinking... I HAVE continued to mature in my faith... it's astounding, especially considering the past year in dealing with cancer--when I felt that even breathing came to a standstill at times.

I shared this conversation with my second friend... and we continued the relationship theme. I stated... "I have read my bible every single day for the past 2+ years. (Today makes Day 730.) I continue to grow in Christ daily, it seems. How is this going to factor in to a relationship with a man? I already know that there are certain things that I need in a relationship... and since I want someone who will challenge me (and who I can challenge, too), where in the world am I going to find someone who will meet me where I am? Every month it gets more and more difficult!"

Her response was that obviously the pool gets smaller and smaller with the more growth you have. BUT... if *I* am out there looking for someone in the ever-shrinking pool, that means someone *else* is out there, too. It's hopeful.

And then tonight... Tonight we wrote our letters to God at church, an annual tradition. I was frustrated because I wrote pretty much the same thing in a letter 5 years ago--change a few of the details, but the same hopes and fears... I finally shoved the letter in the envelope and dropped it off on the altar. I was feeling selfish and instantly grumpy--aggravated that obviously I have NOT grown like I thought I have. And then, just as I turned to head to my seat, our worship pastor smiled at me. He was back doing sound, standing there making the CD play and doing whatever else they do back there, and he totally shook me out of my stale mindset. I AM in a different place. I HAVE changed and grown. I'm not perfect... the letter is still the same. My heart is still yearning for the multiple things I wrote about--both this year and for the past several years... but my yearning is rooted more and more in the love of Christ.

5 years ago, the thought of reading Scripture every day was a desire... but in action? No way. Didn't happen. 5 years ago, my finances were in chaos--not a completely lost cause, but with no hope of getting out. Today? I know when I'll be debt free and am ACTIVELY on my way to getting there. 5 years ago, I wouldn't be able to minister to those aching with the pain of cancer. Today, as much as I absolutely despise this fact, I can tell someone "I understand," and truly understand... and watch the love of Christ work in their lives. 5 years ago, I had no idea what a deep seeded NEED to obey God would do in my life... to heal the orphan, to love, to KNOW Him. I am far from perfect. VERY far. But my calling in life is NOT to live complacently. My calling in life is NOT to sit and wait for a man to meet me where I am NOW or THEN, but to meet me where I am GOING. My calling in life is to actively seek my Savior... I have NO idea where I'm going from here (hence the letters being so similar over the years), but He is taking me there step by step.

Blessed be His name!

2009-12-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

Happy, HAPPY Christmas to you all!!!

1st Annual Worst Christmas Lights Contest

2009-12-22T21:55:00.000-08:00

So the other night I was driving around my neighborhood and found a house that made me want to begin a new tradition... Thurston County's worst Christmas lights. I wish I could give you all the glory of this house... Parts of it move. It plays music. It twinkles and flashes and shimmers. Each individual part would make a nice decoration. Together? Santa, Mrs. Santa, and Elf vomit. (If this is your house, I'm sorry... but really? Wow...)

Here's the first shot (sorry they're not completely straight... to get the right setting on my camera, it had to be completely still. Apparently my car door is not parallel to the ground, lol.):

Take it in. Breathe in the wonderfulness. ;) A wee bit closer and you can really see the blow-ups not onlyin the yard, but also in the driveway, the TWO projections above the garage... the red "snow" on the roof above the fiery star. There are SO MANY Santas. Looking at it now, I wonder if there are 2 pink flamingos in the front - there was so much I just missed it all. Can you hear the music? "Up on the rooftop..."
Lest we forget the little bit of yard on THIS side... there are two carousel-like blow-ups over here. And more shimmering...
And, amid all the Santas and elves and Frostys... You can see Mary and Joseph hanging at the North Pole. NICE. THIS is what Christmas is all about folks.

Piercing Goodnes...

2009-12-20T19:54:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wanted something so much that it almost pierces your heart with the sweetness of its goodness?

There are very few things in my entire life that I desired like that. I've gotten one of those already. Thinking ahead to a few of the others tonight.

Delight yourself in the Lord, my soul... Delight yourself in the Lord.

"Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long."

2009-12-11T21:59:00.000-08:00

It's interesting. Psalm 119 talks often about loving God's word - living it, breathing it, meditating on it. It often seemed to me that because I knew where things were in Scripture (or could find it really quickly), and that I read my Bible more than other people did, I must be meditating on the Word... at least more than other people do!

The past few weeks have really shown me that fallacy. Today will mark day 711 that I have read my Bible. What started as a one-month commitment to God has gotten me through the absolute best times in my life... and the absolute worst. Without my daily commitment early last year, I wouldn't have leaned so heavily on God during my sister's journey with brain cancer. I wouldn't have rejoiced as freely when her MRI's returned clear and we all learned how to LIVE again--changed, but hopeful.

One of the best parts about being a believer in Christ, though, is that He is always calling you higher and closer. When we master one area of our lives and put it in complete submission, He shows us another, and another. Lest we become apathetic, our Savior continues to say "Follow me. Love like me. LIVE like me."

In my life, that means an upgrade for my 711 days of reading. It was my involvement at church that brought this on... first with our 40-Days emphasis and my prayer of wanting to go deeper into what was already an everyday task for me; second with a sermon that, though I don't remember the specifics, resonated with me. On the evening of November 28th, I stood at the altar, presenting my heart to God, repeating the words, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Col. 4:6). God was working in me, reminding me that if HE abides in me, I must let HIM come out of me in conversation and specific situations that I face daily.

I went home that night and wrote that verse down, journaling a bit about it. The next day, as my mind began to wander to areas that caused me pain and sadness, I heard the words, "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5). The day after? "Do everything without complaining, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God" (Phil. 2:14).

Day by day, Scriptures would present themselves to me... though God speaking to me, reading my Bible at night, a Pastor's comment during church. Day by day, I have been meditating on His law... hearing His word repeated over and over... I see it during the day--in the middle of stressful situations, I've opened myself up to hear His voice, and learn His lessons of love.

Before you shake your finger at me, I fail at following His word daily. I DO hear it and turn the other way. Even after 2 years of reading every day, there are still nights when I just want to turn the light off and go to sleep, days when I want to say "Screw it all!" and have it out with someone right there. The intriguing part of it though... is that His Spirit, His voice...? It gets louder every day.

It's hard to ignore Someone who loves me this much.

Monday off...

2009-10-19T20:30:00.001-07:00

...gloriousness. Hmm... Things I'm thankful for today (besides the day off, because I've already blogged that TWICE? lol)?

1. Increasing cleanliness. Yep, it ties into the ones posted yesterday... but today I scrubbed down the kitties' bathroom. It. was. gross. Not so much anymore. Feels good.

2. The fact that even though I'm not totally looking forward to going to work tomorrow, I HAVE a job AND it pays the mortgage.

3. It's no longer FREEZING. I was in eastern WA for awhile and it was subzero... UGH. I love it like that, don't get me wrong, but not in EARLY OCTOBER. Let's have at least a month more.

Since I missed a few days...

2009-10-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

...I get to think of some extra things to share with you. :) (Keep in mind--I might get repetitive at points... if I do, I'm sorry. :))

1. Waking up to the sound of rain. It's happiness. Nuff said.

2. Realizing that when a LOT of things go wrong in one specific area... perhaps it's because I'm heading for the right track. I made a pretty hard but very good decision about how I respond to some things in life recently. As a result, that area of my life has gone nuts. The enemy is using whatever he can to bring me down and back to where I was, but if I can move forward with that perspective... I'm good to go. GOD HAS OVERCOME. :)

3. Reading books REALLY fast. :) I just started the book Bad Monkeys by Matt Ruff on Friday and I'm almost done with it - I'll probably finish tonight. It's really funny... They call it a "thriller"... not so much. But I'm enjoying it and am now intrigued.

4. A clean desk. I have worked pretty hard upstairs this weekend... and my desk is CLEAN! :) The rest of the office is a disaster, but at least the desk is done! :)

5. Church. Faith Assembly of Lacey simply rocks. ;) I went to service last night and this morning this week--different pastors, different messages (usually I'm a Saturday night girl--I love Connexion), but both on the same theme. And God talked about my #1 on this list in both of them. It was good.

6. Getting a song stuck in my head from a Deaf friend. I know, it's just funny. ;)

7. Lots of garbage and recycling. Odd, huh? Well, it's all from my office and my bedroom (which I also cleaned). It means there will be less CRAP in my house. :)

8. Clean (or semi-clean) bedroom. YEAH BUDDY. :)

9. De-Cluttering. Our 40-day emphasis this year is based on the book Clutter Free Christianity by Robert Jefress. I'm really learning how clutter in your heart affects your external life and how clutter in your life (see numbers 4, 7, and 8) affects the clutter in your heart. I'm trying to work on them both.

What happened today...

2009-10-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

1. Today I got angry at a co-worker. Instead of responding the way I had a right to, I extended the grace that God has shown me. He (God) has every reason to despise me, for all the times I've thrown Him under the bus and yet, "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." It takes a long, slow time to learn. But today helped get the message through.

2. My kitties. Cosmo is up to about 16 pounds, Lockwood is 18. Tonight I got Lucky in my lap, then hauled Cosmo up. For just a minute, I got to snuggle them both at the same time while sitting in my office chair. It was really nice. :)

3. Days off. I got yesterday off of work. It was glorious. I went in today, have my regular Friday, Saturday, Sunday off, and am taking Monday off. That's happiness. :)

Today's list of things I'm thankful for...

2009-10-14T19:28:00.001-07:00

1. Trees. My prayer driving home from the grocery store tonight? "God. You. Are. Incredible. How the heck did you make the decision to have trees turn from green to red to yellow before the leaves fall? How did you know that such a simple act in nature could bring so much pleasure to humans? Absolutely Amazing."

2. Days off. Because I'd worked all through the weekend, I was able to take today off (and perhaps tomorrow). Despite the icky dentist appointment this morning (which I didn't have to use sick leave for!), I was able to take a LONG nap AND accomplish some things around the house.

3. Friends. I heard last night that an old friend may move back to my neck of the woods... and it really made me happy. We haven't been in touch a LOT over the past several years, so I think it would be fun to rev up our friendship again. :)

Insanity in October

2009-09-15T20:55:00.001-07:00

Sort of posting to get back into the posting game here. ;)

I have an idea... do you think I'm crazy? I totally miss blogging... with Serry being so sick over the past year and taking over her blog, it's been really hard for me to get back into MY blog. I think of interesting things to say during the day, but when I get home? Nothing.

So here's my idea. What if, for the month of October, I took at least one picture each day and then blogged about it? I realize that I run a serious risk of having 20 pictures of my cats (sigh), but I think it could be fun. Of course, a few days I won't be home, but I can definitely have my camera with me those days... I just feel like I let time slip by sometimes and don't stop to look at things (like these FANTASTICALLY gorgeous trees outside!!) that I really want to.

So that's my thought. Be prepared... I just might do it. :)

Christmas Music

2009-09-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Today I listened to Christmas music for the first time this season. Now don't all start groaning at once... I love Christmas music and the way it completely refreshes my soul. There's one album in particular though... Its called Winterfall--and its my favorite. From the first three notes I'm hooked.. Transported to a world world where God and family are king and troubles fought by the sounds of laughter and joy. Hope rules this music; hope and peace... From the memories it evokes to the Savior it celebrates.

No, I know it's not Christmas yet. But... Will you rejoice with me? Just a little?

Labor Day is Over

2009-09-08T21:06:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it. Labor Day is over. It's September 8th. Tomorrow morning I'll be racing the school bus to get out of my driveway. Leaves have been turning colors for the past month. The weather doesn't know whether it should be pouring down rain or 100 degrees. The air is tingling with the anticipation of CHANGE... And I'm now reflecting over the past year and am completely baffled at what has happened.

11 and a half months ago we got the news that completely changed our lives forever. Learning that Serry had cancer was something I never thought I could have dealt with... And now? Now the wounds are healing... we'll always bear the scars, but we're recovering. I think we're all a little different now. Some of us react a little faster to things... either with emotions or anger or joy... but we're all just a little more thankful to simply be ALIVE.

5 Things I'm Thankful for TODAY

2009-08-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

1. I had to feed llamas at my dad's house today. No one was around, so after I gave them grain and hay (they love me forever), I wandered out into one of the fields. It was warm and toasty... the sun was golden on the dry grasses. The ground crunched as I walked, and crickets leaped out of my way while calling their songs to each other. It was VERY good.

2. I still only have a couple unread emails at work (and they're unread for a reason). I used to have about 100 on a daily basis.

3. Once I go to bed I get to sleep in a little bit longer because I have a doctor's appointment in the morning and it's not worth going to work before it.

4. I had a dream last night that I got engaged to Chandler Bing, but wasn't ME... I'd lost my... well, my SPUNK if you will. It was a really good reminder to me to be ME in a relationship.

5. I get to get off the computer and go read about Jesus. That's got to count for a few, eh?

Ministry Joys (or whatever I end up calling it)

2009-08-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

So I added a new section to my blog. It's on the right. I've entitled it "Ministry Joys" for now--the name may change later.

I'm going to use that list for myself... I am trying to look at certain areas of my life where I truly feel God's presence, skilled, or simply really happy when I'm doing it. If you have any feedback on any of this stuff, feel free to share. If not, then... don't. ;) I'm hoping that it will become an eye-opener for me, and perhaps I may see a path where before I saw jungle.

You might want to do it, too.

Saturday Morning

2009-08-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took a spiritual gifts inventory. Of course, I knew what it was going to come out with (Teacher, Pastor, Administration; in that order), but I still wanted to take it as a refresher. I LOVED some of the questions on this one, though... Here's what part of the results said (mirroring the questions): "The use of a verse out of context upsets you and you question the knowledge of those who teach you."

HA! YES, if someone uses a verse out of context, first of all I get REALLY grumpy. Then I start to wonder, "Well, if he/she doesn't know how to properly use THAT verse, then the rest of what they're saying must be crap!" It's SO bad... Something I've learned to do is then take the rest of what they're saying and REALLY analyze it - most of the time realizing that the person isn't an idiot, they just had one verse that was tweaked a little. It's just one of those things that's hard for me! :)

I'm trying to figure out my next step in ministry right now. Cancer is OVER, thank God, and it didn't win. I feel like I can finally move forward a bit in where I'm going. Normally I DON'T blog about this kind of stuff, but I may this time. We'll see.

Look at me... perhaps I'm picking up the blogging "pen" again!

Changes...

2009-08-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

...and not just on the blog (do you like it, though? It's still under construction a bit, but it's coming together! Let me know if the colors don't work or anything - it's FULLY customizable. That's even my picture from a trip to Seaside, OR, in the header!).

I should SO be going to bed right now, but I just wanted to share that I'm looking forward to the next few months. It looks like I'm going to be more involved with Relay for Life this year - possibly on a committee or subcommittee. We'll see what I end up doing... went to the meeting tonight and am not sure how much to commit. I'll figure it out soon.

I'm also hoping to be getting more involved in church. I don't know exactly what THAT will look like either, but I know that God's got things coming down the road for me... and I want on board.

Does anyone read this thing anymore? (Matt - you don't count because I'm your page o' links, lol.)

New Everything

2009-08-08T22:39:00.001-07:00

Be patient with me as I'm under construction here... everyone like the new background?? :)

2009-08-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

OK, so I don't normally blog much about work... but I'm in charge of a fairly exciting project these days... We're developing standards for sign language interpreters in Washington Courts. It's pretty exciting, pretty high profile, and will make quite an impact on the quality of services in our state.

Still in the Bible daily... It's been over a year and half now... completely unbelievable. God has SERIOUSLY gotten me through tough times (brain cancer, anyone?) and good times, too. I'm amazed at the stuff I've learned. Here... let me share about one of the psalms... a friend asked me what I'd been reading and this was my response.

Psalm 13

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me? ² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
³ Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
⁴ my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

So I read this and was really intrigued. David's freaking out. Seriously - God is S.I.L.E.N.T. He's depressed, scared, running for his life. People want to kill him. He's crying out in anguish to God. BUT. But he trusts in his love and salvation. He sings to God "for he has been good to me." You have to say, "But DAVID - you just said he left you alone! How can he be ignoring you AND be good to you?! and look at your contradiction here: Every day you have sorrow in your heart AND your heart rejoices in God's salvation? WHA????"

And then it kind of hits you (me at least). Oh. It's ok to feel far away and despairing and STILL know the love of God. You don't have to FEEL His love to KNOW it. You just trust it and KNOW that He is God.

Relay for Life

2009-07-06T21:02:00.001-07:00

I just typed the world's longest post about Relay on my sister's blog... and I can't redo it here. :) Please, please take a look there!!! :)

http://serrylee.blogspot.com/2009/07/relay-for-life.html

Want to support our Relay for Life team?

2009-06-23T21:45:00.001-07:00

Our Relay for Life team, The Brainiacs, are doing two online/catalog sales to help raise money to END cancer.

15% of all sales raised from these two parties will go directly to The American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.

Please - "come" to the party, order something, invite all your friends. We're about saving lives here. This is pretty fast turnaround time, though - I'm trying to close by Thursday evening!!

*****************************************
ENTERTAINING AT HOME
(Formerly Taste of Home Entertaining)
EAH is like Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma -- at Target prices!!!
Check out a catalog here: https://emilyhill.eahweb.com/Catalog/Spring2009/
If you're in the Thurston County area, let me know if you want a real catalog - I'll get it to you!

If you like deals, check out the Sale-a-Bration! http://www.entertainingathome.com/commonAssets/docs/2009/MonthlySpecials/June09Sale.pdf

For June customer specials, see: http://secure.entertainingathome.com/privateAssetsCBC/docs/2009/Monthly%20Specials/Jun09Specials.pdf Don't you LOVE the mini dip sets?!?

To order, call or email Emily with the info. I'll either get your credit/debit card information or a check from you. I'll also give you shipping rates and tax (8.5%).

______________________________
SCENTSY
It's like a candle, but better! No flame means no fire!
Head to this website: www.scentsy.com/KellyDawn
Click My Events on the bottom right
Find The Brainiacs event on the calendar - click it and choose Shop for Event!
Check out the different warmers and scents... MMMMM! :)
****************************************

THANK YOU! Please ask ANY questions - and invite all your friends!!!!

If you would like to donate directly to our team, please visit our team website at: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/brainiacs

Serry

2009-06-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

Guess what? Serry's officially in REMISSION. I am SO excited.

See her blog here: www.serrylee.blogspot.com

Please go donate to Relay for Life, too. The goal of The American Cancer Society (who does Relay for Life) is to ERADICATE CANCER. Will you help END it? http://main.acsevents.org/goto/emilyshill

Smiles...

2009-06-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

"God always answers prayers.
Sometimes He says 'YES.'
Sometimes He says 'No.'

Most of the time He says, ' Are you CRAZY?!? I've got something way better!'"

Word-Rocking Song

2009-04-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

I found this on my friend Ruhiyyih's blog. Perhaps I'm the only one who doesn't know this song (I mean, it IS Hillsong), but she described it well... she said that the song "has been rocking my world as I put one foot in front of the other." Well spoken, Ru.

Listen and have your world rocked, too.

HE IS RISEN

2009-04-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post on here. I want to wish you all the best this Easter. I just got back from church (I go to the Connexion service (saturday nights) at Faith Assembly of Lacey--join me!) and have been reminded again and again how POWERFUL and AMAZING Jesus' life, death, and LIFE AGAIN are.

Praise You King of Kings! You are risen, INDEED!

Spiritual Growth?

2009-04-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

Sunday night I went to an event at my church called Small Group Link. At the Link, small groups and small group leaders are able to share about their groups, allowing people looking for a small group to find a home--somewhere they feel connected to... either for a few weeks or many years. It's an excellent idea (in my opinion) and wish more people took advantage of it. I have never needed a small group as much as I have needed mine while dealing with Serry's cancer.

While we're there, we answer 4 different questions at our tables... some silly, some pretty serious. The last question of the night really struck me--mostly because, for the first time in my life, I didn't have an immediate answer for it. I can't remember the exact wording, but basically it asked, "What area of your life do you want God to help you grow in spiritually this year?"

Normally, I'd have an answer (or five!) right at the tip of my tongue. But Sunday? Nothing. One of my small group members laughed and said, "If you make it through this cancer business surviving and keeping faith, you've grown right there!"

It disturbed me, though... No goals? Nothing I'm working on? Pushing for? Even as I started typing this, I felt discouraged... how can I not have something specific I'm growing in spiritually?? But you know what? I think Clara may have had something right in her comment. See... last January, as you know, I started reading my Bible every day. Today is day 460-something of reading. What God began to teach me and how he grew me last winter, spring, and summer, has pulled me through this past fall and winter, and now into spring. Simplicity of faith is making me stronger. I hurt daily more than I could ever have imagined. But daily I read stories of miracles, of faith, of failure. Tradition, change, love. Stories that encourage, stories that make me weep. Stories of TRUTH.

The TRUTH of God's love and faithfulness to us is so unimaginable... and so simple. Daily. In every breath, in every blink, in every laugh and tear... It is. HE IS. He is the I AM. This hasn't changed, and it never will.

I still don't have a specific answer to the question. But I'm comfortable with that. I AM is holding me tightly and securely and HE is growing me how He wants me to grow.

Beauty for Ashes

2009-04-01T20:04:00.001-07:00

Good evening, everyone. I'm listening to the song Beauty for Ashes by Shane and Shane right now... It's sweet balm straight from scripture... "a garment of praise for my heaviness... beauty for ashes... take this heart of stone and make it Yours... I delight myself in the richest of fare, trading all that I have for all that is better..." My heart cannot express itself in purer words. Scripture is there for us to learn, but it's there for us to CRY out to our Savior as well.

I just read Mary Beth Chapman's most recent blog post and someone posted these verses:

"But as for me, I will sing about your power. Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love. For you have been my refuge, a place of safety when I am in distress. O my Strength, to you I sing praises, for you, O God, are my refuge, the God who shows me unfailing love." ~ Psalm 59:16-17

It's incredible. The love and joy that comes from our Savior is indescribable. All I can do is repeat those words again and again.

I know I have been absent since the end of September. My heart has been hurting--but still held by Jesus. Most of my blogging energy has gone into posting on my sister's blog. I hope to visit you all more frequently in the upcoming months. I may just share little snippets of life, or what God is teaching me... maybe just what I'm reading in Scripture (we're in Genesis in small group right now).

Much love to you all.

Been Awhile...

2009-02-21T22:50:00.001-08:00

So I used to post all the time... I haven't for awhile - sorry about that. I'm probably down to zero readers, but that's OK. At least *I* read my own stuff. ;)

We just had a walk-through at church tonight... very fun. We're in the middle of a building project right now... TONS of new space, mostly for kids. It's amazing. we got to write all over the floors and walls... lots of scripture. :)

Yesterday Jann and I got together and had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory - I love it there! Tonight a group of us went out to Applebee's after church. Tons of fun all around. :)

I'm not really sure what to blog about any more... So... pardon me as I try to get back into this. Oh, please give to our Relay for Life team, the Brainiacs. :) Supporting Serry as best as I can. Here's my web page: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/emilyshill Please give.

Meetings

2009-02-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post. Do you know how many meetings I've been in this week? about 300. That's all...

Thank the Lord He is a great God. :)

Commercial...

2009-01-30T15:20:00.000-08:00

This was supposed to have been aired during the superbowl, but NBC cut it. Go figure.

***BREAKING NEWS****

NBC Sacks Pro-Life Super Bowl Ad

Network Nixes Commercial Celebrating Potential of Life

CHICAGO, Jan. 29 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- NBC has rejected an uplifting and positive pro-life ad submitted for its Super Bowl broadcast this Sunday. After several days of negotiations, an NBC representative in Chicago told CatholicVote.org today that NBC and the NFL are not interested in advertisements involving "political advocacy or issues."

Brian Burch, President of CatholicVote.org reacted: "There is nothing objectionable in this positive, life-affirming advertisement. We show a beautiful ultrasound, something NBC's parent company GE has done for years. We congratulate Barack Obama on becoming the first African-American President. And we simply ask people to imagine the potential of every human life."

"NBC told CatholicVote.org that they do not allow political or issue advocacy advertisements. But that's not what they told PETA," said Burch. "There's no doubt that PETA is an advocacy group. NBC rejected PETA's ad for another reason altogether."

According to an email posted on PETA.org, Victoria Morgan, Vice President of Advertising Standards for Universal, said: "The PETA spot submitted to Advertising Standards depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards." Morgan even detailed "edits that need to be made" in order for the spot to run during the Super Bowl.

"NBC claims it doesn't allow advocacy ads, but that's not true. They were willing to air an ad by PETA if they would simply tone down the sexual suggestiveness. Our ad is far less provocative, and hardly controversial by comparison," said Burch.

"The purpose of our new ad is to spread a message of hope about the potential of every human life, including the life of Barack Obama," said Burch. "We are now looking at alternative venues to run the ad over the next several weeks."

The ad aired on BET in Chicago on Inauguration Day. It has become an Internet hit with over 700,000 views in seven days. The ad was in the top 10 "most viewed" category on YouTube on Inauguration Day last week.

The ad reads: "This child's future is a broken home. He will be abandoned by his father. His single mother will struggle to raise him. Despite the hardships he will endure...this child...will become...the 1st African-American President." The ad concludes with the tagline, "Life: Imagine the Potential." The ad is the first of several ads in new campaign launched by CatholicVote.org.

The ad can be viewed at www.CatholicVote.org -- a project of the Fidelis Center for Law and Policy.

SOURCE Fidelis Center for Law & Policy

s'Marvelous...

2009-01-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

Ruhiyyih did this cool post on the letter C. She assigned me the letter M! Let's see what happens!!

I'm supposed to write 10 things I love that start with an M. Here it goes...

1. Music. I've loved music since... forever. I wanted to play the flute when I was old enough to know what a flute was. While I don't still play, I have GREAT appreciation for those who do... and that's the one thing in my past that I desperately wish was still in my present.

2. Melissa McCarthy. Most of you probably have no idea who she is... She played Sookie on Gilmore Girls. She was gorgeous, NOT a perfect size two, and hilarious. Definitely one of my favorite characters.

3. Milan. OK, so I've never been. But I WILL go someday... Italy is top on my list of countries to visit.

4. Movies. Good ones at least. They're fun. :)

5. Money. OK, I don't LOVE it. But I do like it.

6. Mothers. I couldn't do without mine.

7. MUSICALS. I cannot express just how much I LOVE ME some MUSICALS! If you haven't seen The Drowsy Chaperone and it comes to your area, SEE IT. it's TOTALLY worth it.

8. M&M's. They're just fun. And when they come out in all the holiday colors they're just so festive. and their commercials are funny, too.

9. Mickey Mouse. We're good friends... I like to visit his house sometimes. :)

10. Miracles. Needing these special things in life right now, too.

For MORE FUN, here are 10 things that I DON'T like that start with an "M".

1. Mice. Some of you (ok, two that I know of) have either mice or rats for pets. I'm sorry. I love YOU, I just don't love your creatures.

2. Mondays. Seriously. 'Nuff said.

3. Mistletoe. Stupid.

4. MEDULLOBLASTOMA. I can't imagine hating something more than I hate Medulloblastoma. Ever.

5. Moodiness. It's just not fun.

6. Mung Beans. OK, I don't know if I don't like them. They just sound gross, though.

7. Menstration. Seriously.

8. Moving. It's just... it's not fun at all.

9. Monsters. They're just bad... and they act all "AAARRRRRRGH!" and stuff.

10. Mojitos. I hate ALL alcohol, but this one is especially bad. Ugh, I SHUDDER just thinking about it!

Who wants to play along? I'll send you a fun letter...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-25T08:29:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas from my sisters and I! :)

Cliche's don't cut it

2008-12-15T18:24:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone... Look at me, actually blogging. :)

I'm working on some Christmas stuff right now, so I get to multi-task... kinda. ;) I just thought I'd update you on some thoughts that have been running through my mind over the past few months. I do have a disclaimer, though. Please, if you feel offended... turn that off. ;) If you live your life by these words, I have no desire to weaken your faith or belief. If you are afraid of that happening, please turn away now. Also, I may be wrong. I fully admit that. I just need to work things out.

As you know, my sister has been fighting brain cancer. To see more, visit her blog: www.serrylee.blogspot.com. As a result, I have been confronted with more Christian cliche's than I could EVER imagine I would hear. Ready?

God will not give you more than you can handle.
BULL. This is rooted in the verse 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I have not done a word study on the word "TEMPTED" - I probably should have. However, all of the versions that I saw used the word tempted--not afflicted, not beat up, not drowned by sorrows... TEMPTED. To me that means just what it says--tempted. Not "when you have a lot of crappy things going on in your life." Regardless... even if it DOES mean something like "afflicted," it says that God will provide a way out... which to me means that it's got to be pretty bad to get there. Philipians says, "I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength." ALL THINGS. All things seems pretty all-encompasing to me.

OK, now that I have the rant out... This verse is not a comfort to those who are suffering. That is one thing I have learned through this. It comes in a section of Scripture full of warnings... and I just can't get over the fact that it seems to only talk about "temptation." I will do some study on that and get back to you. In the mean time... please do NOT tell me that God won't give me more than I can handle... If I could handle it, I wouldn't be broken.

Just pray, that's all you have to do
Just pray. When you are hurting so much that you can't communicate normally, it is increasingly difficult to PRAY in the sense that these well-wishers mean. People have commented to me that as long as I'm constantly talking to God, I'll be fine. When I stop talking, then I've got a problem. I beg to differ. Check out Romans 8:26-27:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Now THIS verse is a comfort. From the beginning of this ordeal, aside from the words, "Heal my sister, heal my sister," I haven't been as able to pray as other people would "like" me to. But I continuously lift my heart to my Savior and ask Him to understand the plea for help that is screaming from the depths of my being. THIS verse gives me hope that I'm doing it "right." I don't have those words to say, all I have is a wordless, often soundless cry out to God. And... He hears my unspoken prayer. For that I am thankful.

OK, there's a bunch more. But I've said enough. I guess I posted this on here because... I just want to make people aware. When someone is hurting, please don't offer them a tired phrase. Hold them. Love them. Pray with them. Cry with them. Listen to them. Acknowledge their feelings, because not many people do. Don't tell them how to "feel better" or "get over it." Just BE THERE for them when they need you.

And hear the words again, "FEAR NOT"

2008-12-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

FYI - Will on drums, Caleb on guitar.

Quick update...

2008-12-03T17:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had 3 people in the hospital: Mom, Dad, and Sister. Dad is home recovering from surgery. Serry should probably be coming home fairly soon. Mom is going to be OK, but we're not sure when she's coming home yet.

Life is NEVER dull. God is ALWAYS faithful.

I miss blogging...

2008-11-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

... but all my time is spent blogging for my sister. She's in the hospital right now... but I think that's a good thing. Read today's blog if you're interested.

So... what's new with Emily? Ummm... a lot.

Jenni came out. That was cool. Seriously. (Sorry, Britt.) We had a TON of fun... even if (especially if?) it was a pretty mellow weekend. Got to see Kristy, so that was extra fun, too. We saw the funniest play ever... The Drowsy Chaperone. I loved it so much that I encouraged a co-worker to bring her daughter to it... and even today we randomly exclaimed, "WHAAAAT??" and then busted up laughing. :) VERY funny. Highly recommend it. :)

Ummm....

I'm reading Romans right now. With small group. But we're almost done with that. Don't know what's next.

Oh, my garage flooded. Twice. That pretty much sucked, but the city and my homeowner's association are making it right now. They're replacing the drywall, installing better locks on doors (not really related to the flooding, but a result of it, so I'm OK with that!), and I may be able to get my carpet replaced. I broke down the first time it happened... I just couldn't handle it. But.... we are like trees in the wind... it made me stronger for the next blow, I guess. I DID get my garage cleaned, though... so that's good. I have shelves up now, and much of my stuff is on them. I've bought storage bins (and plan to be buying more) and am excited to use more and more of them... (two are red and green for Christmas decorations... I have lights and stuff in boxes and I'd like to get everything possible in bins. Water pouring into my garage taught me some things. :-/ lol

OK, I'm going to head to bed now. To read Romans... and then to read the book about the guy who followed the Bible literally for a year... it's really funny. :)

Good night.

Meh.

2008-11-18T06:51:00.001-08:00

The word "Meh" just made it in the dictionary.

That rocks, lol.

If you haven't yet...

2008-11-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

GO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-29T18:53:00.001-07:00

Jenni's coming to the PNW!! :)

FALL

2008-10-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

Definitely fall here... I went west today, toward the ocean... THICK THICK fog on the way there... it started to burn off mid-morning and the brightest cold blue sky appeared. definitely fall.

Been fighting a cold for a few days... I know I'm on the up end of it, but still am drippy and stuffy and TIRED. I've got to get over this thing SOON - so does my dad, he has it, too. Someone at work told me I gave it to her, but I don't think that's possible unless we got it together last week. I don't think I'm still contagious. I heard on the radio that pomegranate juice is supposed to be a good cold blocker. Maybe I'll try some one of these days.

With everything that's going on, I'm not so energized for too much extra these days. Working has been tiring, and getting sick wasn't too helpful, lol.

Reading through Acts right now. Acts is good... it's pretty amazing. Also reading a book that was really good (and still is), but is getting into some serious cancer issues... hitting a little too close to home right now.

Wow...

2008-10-10T23:31:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in awhile, but life is pretty crazy. Check out Serry's blog for the update on what I've been doing... and please feel free to leave some luv.

Blog for Serry

2008-10-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

Check out Serry's blog on the right... I'll have updates there on what's going on in her (and therefore OUR) life.

Thanks all.

Fall is here... rainy rainy rainy. It's nice, though... I like the rain.

MO for prayer

I found something on Outlook 2007 I HATE yesterday... I schedule interpreters for our office and that means that I use Outlook to track everything. I have my own scheduling calendar, but I put the info in all of our Deaf staff's calendars, including changing the category to an Interpreter(s) Scheduled category. All is fine and good until I come to a series - you now can't change the category of an individual appointment in a series... it's all or nothing, baby. Any tech geeks out there know the way around this? (And no, I can't break up the series'--they aren't my appointments!) I just want them to be YELLOW!

All for now...

Prayer Update

2008-10-03T06:45:00.001-07:00

Just keeping this brief, because we don't have all the specifics yet, but...

It looks like my sister has cancer. She's only 29. We're moving her home to Western WA this weekend--where she can be with family and have some fantastic doctors through the Cancer Care Alliance in Seattle.

Please pray. Please pray HARD.

Prayers Please

2008-09-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hey... I don't really have the energy to blog about this tonight, but I'm asking for some serious intercessory prayers right now for my family. Please pray for healing and for God to be revealed. I'll update more later.

Book Review

2008-09-29T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sure several of you have heard about the newest book to hit the Christian "must read" list... The Shack, by William P. Young. Go check out the website, his blog (I'm exploring it right now), etc. If you've never heard of it, read the back cover: http://theshackbook.com/pages/page2.html.

While I don't want to join the bandwagon of "This book revolutionized my life!" (I think we should all be saying that about SCRIPTURE, and many of us aren't--that's where we need to start), I would like to say that this IS a very influential book and has definitely caused me to evaluate my own relationship with God. I took a few key truths out of the book and have been ingesting them since I read it this weekend. I want to post one section here... I probably shouldn't because of copyright issues and all, but... this is something that DID profoundly impact me, and I'd like you to be a part of it. Quick intro--Mack is in a shack with God, after his daughter has been abducted and murdered. God is shown as the trinity that He is... Sarayu is the Holy Spirit, Papa the Father, and Jesus is, well, Jesus. Three. And One. Here goes:

"But," Mack wasn't convinced. "But don't you want us to set priorities? You know: God first, then whatever, followed by whatever?"

"The trouble with living by priorities," Sarayu spoke, "is that it sees everything as a hierarchy, a pyramid, and you and I have already had that discussion. If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?"

Papa again interrupted. "You see, Mackenzie, I don't just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of you and your day."

Jesus now spoke again. "Mack, I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life--your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities--is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."

"And I," concluded Sarayu, "I am the wind." She smiled hugely and bowed.

Followers!

2008-09-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

Hey - I added something new! :) On the far right, click Follow this Blog - and become one of my faithful readers! :) :) You know you want to. Heck, I'll even do it for you. GRIN

Autumn

2008-09-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

Today it's sunny and warm with a chilly breeze. Perfect!
Emily

The concert

2008-09-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

So Saturday night was the Steven Curtis Chapman/Michael W. Smith concert at the Puyallup Fair. I went with my friend BJ, and even got to see an old friend, Anita, there.Steven opened... it was SO good to see him again. It just warmed my heart, especially since after Maria's death, he wasn't sure he could do this again. He started with Blessed Be Your Name, including an explanation about Maria. When he got to the "You give and take away" part... his voice broke, and it just about broke my heart. Throughout the night, he referenced Maria's death a lot... but in a hopeful, loving way--the pain was obvious, but so, too, was the amazing strength he and his family have grown in.

He performed for an hour and a half--a lot of his popular songs, including several slow ones. It was hard for me because I'm used to standing up and singing and dancing during his concerts... but I sat most of this one. Caleb was playing with The Following, so he wasn't there... and there were no fancy screens or gameboy graphics (lol) projected behind him. Just him and the band, and some fun lights. It was a great show, however... I'd have to say it was probably my least favorite of all of his concerts I've been to over the last 12 years. Remember, though - least favorite still means it was fabulous! :)

DIVE

Then we had intermission, and soon Michael W. Smith came on the stage. This is BJ's reaction...Smitty has reached so many people with his music... I just wasn't feeling it at the concert. He sang a couple of his songs... 2 new ones and 2 old ones, that I can remember. The rest of them were just worship songs. I say "just," but mean... worship songs that he didn't write, and have no idea if they're on his albums or anything. It was nice, and I DID worship, I had just been hoping for a bit more of HIS music.
My favorite part of MWS on stage? When he introduced the band I moved from polite golf clap to excited screaming for the drummer and guitarist, Michael Olson and Ben Gowell (respectively). I went to NCU with them!! I was SO excited to see them up there, rocking out with Smitty.

Michael Olson

Ben GowellIn all, it was an enjoyable concert. No merch for Steven, so I didn't get to buy a shirt or anything... not that I don't have any SCC stuff. lol I know some of you get to see The United Tour, so I hope you really enjoy it!