Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Headache...

I've come home from work early 2 days in a row now... I'm just not feeling good. Right now I've got a headache that's killing me. OK, I'm making a list of the things on my mind...

1. Small group
Small group is going to be changed. We're unable to meet on Wednesdays because of class interference... maybe go to once a month on a Friday.

2. House
Have you noticed that I'm ready to buy a house and move out?? I don't have that much saved up, but read #4 and you'll see a good thing related to this. How much do I have to have saved before I can buy one? And will I stop buying frivolous things to put $5 more toward the house?

3. Men
I'm really curious. This is to all those women out there who say "I stopped looking and immediately we found each other." How old were you when this happened? Because really?... Everyone I've heard say that got married when they were 22 or 23.

Anyway, I've been thinking about this. You know Paul says... What does he say? Let me find it here... OK, 1 Corinthians 7 talks about husbands and wives and marrieds and singles. Paul says "my opinion is simple: don't get married" (Emily version). "Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." (v 17) OK, so God's already told me that I'm going to get married. When I doubt, He speaks my heart through other people--I've heard it several times, in the exact words that I use in prayer... SO, then Paul later states: "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband." v34

In reading v. 34, I have to question my concern about the Lord's affairs. OK, so I question and I realign myself with God and His plans (daily occurance, I know... maybe hourly? minutely? secondly?? smile). And then I come up with this question:

What am *I* supposed to be doing?

Not in ministry, not at work, nothing like that. Am I supposed to be taking an active role in this or a passive role in this? Here's what I mean... I AM supposed to be actively serving the Lord and being "concerned about the Lord's affairs." This is 100% certain. HOWEVER... Am I supposed to be going out and actively meeting people--either in a singles group (gag me, most of the people I've seen in our church singles group are my parent's age), or online... somewhere like eHarmony or Christian Cafe or christianmatchmaker.com or... OR am I supposed to continue as I am in life and work and ministry, hoping that one day I'll meet a single guy who wants to be my friend, let alone marry me? See... With the active thing, that takes out all the wonderful, friendly advice of: "Just let it happen! When you stop looking, God will provide!" BLAH BLAH BLAH. I've STOPPED looking many times--those stories simply mean... "That one time I wasn't looking God provided." Had He NOT provided, I'm certain each person would have started looking again. CERTAIN. But the problem with the passive scenario... Ed Graham used to give the perfect definition of insanity--"doing something the same way you've always done it and expecting different results." Well, obviously the "same way" isn't cutting it.

So... Do I simply do life as I have been, hoping that God moves him off his butt to come into my circle? Or do I spend money on something like an internet service where I could just be blowing money and time to the wind?

(OK, this sounds... desperate. Trust me, I'm not. I just want to know what the heck my role is in all this. And I want to learn how to be the best wife, mother, helper, friend, minister, lover, cake-baker, massage-giver, honest servant of the Lord I can be. I'm satisfied where I am... but not permanently content. God has more and I'm yearning for that inside.)

4. Job
I got promoted! It's not the exact promotion I want, but it helps. Now I'm the Program Support for the different Program Managers in my office. Basically, I'm doing what I did before, without the receptionist work. BIG smile. GOOD STUFF. Those were the projects I liked the most, too. :) It's not a HUGE salary increase, but it's a start. Hopefully it will get me one step closer to Number 2. :)

5 comments:

Kristy said...

Isn't it interesting that we continue to echo each other's thoughts almost to a tea (is that how you'd spell it?). I find it ominous how much your words re: boys really hit home to me. Can I copy and paste it and put it on my blog? *smile*
Have you asked Barbara? I asked her once...she said do the online thing! Be active! Go for it! I know my personality and yours are a little different when it comes to just going out and doing it. But I think you should try. And what would you gain? Maybe a husband (example: Barbara and Michael) OR maybe you'd just get a few new guy friends. And be able to practice being a good sister in Christ and understand better what that means. Besides going out on a lot of dates tends to be fun...if you're picky and don't have dates with losers. Or it's always fun if THEY pay *grin*. I'm bad!! hehehe
But hun...I think you should try eHarmony (I did until I had to stop the free trail ... no money yet) and Christian Cafe (loved it) I can't seem to find Christian Match Maker (will look later)...but it's pretty easy..laid back. And although I"m obviously still single..the only reason being...I don't have income right now..so I can't be spending it on stuff like that ya know? I will start them up again. I think you should at least try!
It's midnight..I have so much more to vent about, but I'll use my blog to do that (look for it on the xanga blog). I am struggling just as you are...although I'm afraid I am a little bit behind you. *smile* I was content with being single...but now I'm mega struggling. OYIE! I love you though..and whatever you decided tell God and yes He does have the power to move people off their butts. He's sending teens/kids to my church!!! *grin* It can happen...

Emily said...

Kristy-
I HAVE done eharmony... for three months. and then I just realized how exPENsive that one was. I'm a free member at Christian Matchmaker... but I might check out the christian cafe one. I read some random guys blog once and he complained about the lack of single women in church--boy did he have it backwards!!! :)

Emily said...

HOW FUNNY. OK, I got this in an e-newsletter from Christianity Today. LOL PERFECT TIMING!

"Drawing on your diversity, we'd like your opinion about something. In my observations of single people, I often see two camps: those who think we need to sit back and allow God to bring a spouse to us and those who think it's OK to put forth some effort to find a husband or wife (such as on the Internet or by asking others to set you up on a date). When we've asked poll questions on this topic, you've been pretty divided. So we'd like you to flesh out your opinion a bit. Which camp are you in—and why? Send us your thoughts at SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com."

Jenni said...

haha, if someone didn't know you, that WOULD sound desperate. ;P But I do, and it doesn't. It actually sounds quite wise.

I think I agree with BG adn Kristy on this one: stick your neck out. We both know you're not going to marry the first dork who comes along just to get a husband. You'll continue to be wise. You'll get a hunch if one guy or another is simply a bad idea. And maybe the Wait/Search controversy is one of those personality things: some people are comfortable waiting, and some just aren't. (shrug) Either way, the world keeps turning.

~*Stephanie*~ said...

>>>>>>>>>>
3. Men
I'm really curious. This is to all those women out there who say "I stopped looking and immediately we found each other." How old were you when this happened? Because really?... Everyone I've heard say that got married when they were 22 or 23.
>>>>>>>>>>

Well Emily,
I completely agree with that post.
When I was single I guess I was always the type of person that was totally ok with being single. I'm weird like that. Sure I missed hanging out with guys, most of my friends were guys in high school and college, so when they all paired off I was left thinking, "Where's all my friends."
Yes, I hated hearing my friends say, "oh you'll find mister right, be patient" and they weren't usually married, they were just simply with child as a single parent in my case. (Yea, like that's what the good life was about).
I loved single life. Now I have a boyfriend, and I do love him to pieces, but now I have all that other stuff to worry about, so I'm not so sure which was better?? HA HA.

Emily, I never looked for anyone...but I must say, it's not till I have been NOT SINGLE that guys actually decide "yea, Stephanie might not be a bad choice in a date, I think I'll ask her out." They wait till I'm NOT Single to ask that. MEN and their timing.
Umm, I think I'll leave it at that!! :) *ahem*