I've come home from work early 2 days in a row now... I'm just not feeling good. Right now I've got a headache that's killing me. OK, I'm making a list of the things on my mind...
1. Small group
Small group is going to be changed. We're unable to meet on Wednesdays because of class interference... maybe go to once a month on a Friday.
Have you noticed that I'm ready to buy a house and move out?? I don't have that much saved up, but read #4 and you'll see a good thing related to this. How much do I have to have saved before I can buy one? And will I stop buying frivolous things to put $5 more toward the house?
I'm really curious. This is to all those women out there who say "I stopped looking and immediately we found each other." How old were you when this happened? Because really?... Everyone I've heard say that got married when they were 22 or 23.
Anyway, I've been thinking about this. You know Paul says... What does he say? Let me find it here... OK, 1 Corinthians 7 talks about husbands and wives and marrieds and singles. Paul says "my opinion is simple: don't get married" (Emily version). "Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." (v 17) OK, so God's already told me that I'm going to get married. When I doubt, He speaks my heart through other people--I've heard it several times, in the exact words that I use in prayer... SO, then Paul later states: "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband." v34
In reading v. 34, I have to question my concern about the Lord's affairs. OK, so I question and I realign myself with God and His plans (daily occurance, I know... maybe hourly? minutely? secondly?? smile). And then I come up with this question:
What am *I* supposed to be doing?
Not in ministry, not at work, nothing like that. Am I supposed to be taking an active role in this or a passive role in this? Here's what I mean... I AM supposed to be actively serving the Lord and being "concerned about the Lord's affairs." This is 100% certain. HOWEVER... Am I supposed to be going out and actively meeting people--either in a singles group (gag me, most of the people I've seen in our church singles group are my parent's age), or online... somewhere like eHarmony or Christian Cafe or christianmatchmaker.com or... OR am I supposed to continue as I am in life and work and ministry, hoping that one day I'll meet a single guy who wants to be my friend, let alone marry me? See... With the active thing, that takes out all the wonderful, friendly advice of: "Just let it happen! When you stop looking, God will provide!" BLAH BLAH BLAH. I've STOPPED looking many times--those stories simply mean... "That one time I wasn't looking God provided." Had He NOT provided, I'm certain each person would have started looking again. CERTAIN. But the problem with the passive scenario... Ed Graham used to give the perfect definition of insanity--"doing something the same way you've always done it and expecting different results." Well, obviously the "same way" isn't cutting it.
So... Do I simply do life as I have been, hoping that God moves him off his butt to come into my circle? Or do I spend money on something like an internet service where I could just be blowing money and time to the wind?
(OK, this sounds... desperate. Trust me, I'm not. I just want to know what the heck my role is in all this. And I want to learn how to be the best wife, mother, helper, friend, minister, lover, cake-baker, massage-giver, honest servant of the Lord I can be. I'm satisfied where I am... but not permanently content. God has more and I'm yearning for that inside.)
I got promoted! It's not the exact promotion I want, but it helps. Now I'm the Program Support for the different Program Managers in my office. Basically, I'm doing what I did before, without the receptionist work. BIG smile. GOOD STUFF. Those were the projects I liked the most, too. :) It's not a HUGE salary increase, but it's a start. Hopefully it will get me one step closer to Number 2. :)