One Thing

As part of my #dosummer2015 challenge, I've been reading a lot more. My soul is being quenched! One of the books I've recently finished is the book The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Peter Scazzero.

Honestly... I was nervous about reading it, but now that I'm done, I highly recommend it. It challenged me in very personal ways, in ways involved in the Church--if you're a leader, I think you should get your hands on it.

Peter Scazzero was a senior pastor of a large church when he realized that there was a lot of "stuff" in his own life that he needed to work out. In order to do that, he and his wife took several months off--not pastoring, not leading a ministry, not in the church. In his reflection about that time, he had some surprising thoughts:

"God met us in profound ways. I recognized that I was still too active and my first work was to seek him above all else, not to be a pastor/leader (cf. Ps. 27:4)."

I read this sentence.

Then I read it again.

Finally on the third try, I set down the book. I started thinking.

Above all else, Peter was called to be a follower of Jesus. The end. Out of that relationship would flow his job as a pastor, his leadership abilities, his administrative skills (or lack thereof). First and foremost, he was to follow Jesus.

He references Paslm 27:4.
The one thing I ask of the Lord—
    the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
    delighting in the Lord’s perfections
    and meditating in his Temple.

The Psalmist doesn't say, "One thing I seek most--to preach every Sunday and be the spiritual leader of thousands of people." The Psalmists "one thing" was to spend time with God. The end. To be with the Lord, living with Him, delighting in Him, learning about Him, breathing the same air He does.

Peter and his wife, in taking time away from what they thought their "one thing" was, realized how wrong they'd been.

When I read this, I had to put the book down. I was forced to pause.

I love Jesus with every fiber of my being. I will follow Him forever. I've seen what else is offered there, waivered on my descision, questioned my faith and His faithfulness, and know that without a doubt He is the One I choose because He chose me.

But... I've spent so much of my life waiting. Waiting to be a pastor. Waiting to let my skills and abilities work themselves out in the Church. Waiting for the accountability and responsibility that comes from a life in ministry that is different than a volunteer role in a church.

Waiting.

Feeling unwanted at times. Feeling unimportant--struggling with my own pride. Trying to do the best I could do in the positions I was granted. Flourishing and failing. All the while... waiting.

And here I am, in a brand new church start-up that I love dearly, surrounded by people who I care about, excited for what we are doing in our beautiful, vibrant city, thrilled to say finally!, and then...

"I recognized that I was still too active and my first work was to seek him above all else,
not to be a pastor/leader."

Right. Right, I knew that.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. ~ Matthew 6:33

Seek. Jesus. First.

My main requirement in life, my "one thing" is not to lead, to pastor, to preach, to set up communion, or do the budget (though I happily do those things!). My "one thing" is to seek Jesus. To know Him better today than I did yesterday because I, like the psalmist, sat in the house of the Lord. I cannot lead others unless it is an outflow of that time.

And when I spend that time with Jesus, when my "one thing" is centered where it should be, perhaps I, too, will be saying, "God met us in profound ways."

#dosummer2015

15 minutes. 900 seconds dedicated to one thing. One goal. One achievement. On purpose.

It's no big deal, really. I mean, we have 1,425 other minutes in the day in which to sleep, eat, watch TV, work, clean, be bored, and so on.

It's JUST 15 minutes.

That's not true, though. If it were just 15 minutes, we'd do it without needing any prompting. Well, maybe you wouldn't need the prompting but I sure do.

That's what #dosummer2015 is all about. It's 15 minutes at a time, doing something.

From June 8, 2015 - September 8, 2015, a whole tribe of people are committing to doing something that they need to work on for 15 minutes at a time, 100 times. That means that in a 3 month period, each person will spend 25 hours improving a skill, honing a discipline, learning something new.

I'm a lazy Type-A personality. I know, the words "lazy" and "Type-A" should not be in the same sentence, but for whatever reason, they do in my life! I'll happily binge-watch my favorite shows on Netflix when there are things to do, if I don't have the motivation or determination to do them. With a little kick, though, I'm off--and there's no stopping me!

The great thing for me is that, usually, I'm in competition with myself! That's why #dosomething2015 is so great for me. I have checklists! I have specific goals! And if I fail, it all comes down on me--so I WILL NOT FAIL!!! (Imagine a big, echoey, movie voice yelling that!)

That means, I'm sharing, for all the world to see, what my three categories are this summer. (That
means I can write about them later!) Drumroll, please...

Coming in category one, I will be spending 25 hours in focus, directed prayer this summer! This is, embarassingly, much harder than it looks. I will update you on how the journey goes.

Coming in category two, I will be spending 25 hours reading this summer! I've always been an avid reader, but over the last few years have gotten out of the practice of reading for both growth and enjoyment.

And finally, in category three, I will be spending 25 hours writing this summer! I have large writing goals for this year and for my life. You can't call yourself a writer and not write!

Be prepared to hear more about this over the next 3 months. I'm so excited! I've already learned a lot and I'm not even a week in! Will you join me? dosummer2015.com - sign up and download the checklist today!!!!

Beautiful Gifts - May 31

Ann Voskamp wrote a revolutionary book called 1000 Gifts a few years ago. I call it revolutionary because I never imagined that giving thanks for something could actually change people's lives. However... According to Ann, research as proven that people are 25% happier when they are actively grateful. And according to ME, my life is infinitely better when I live in an attitude of giving thanks every day, as opposed to griping every day.

That means that, in order for me to live my best year yet, I need to be grateful. Every day. Every week.

I certainly hope you will join me. I want to use Ann's list as a prompt to think outside of the normal, to reach further than where I would tend to go.  I may not go there every day, but I will use it as a resource. Prepare for a lovely list, and some fun stories as I add to MY list of Gifts!

3 Gifts Found in Church
1) Encouragement
2) Love and Growth
3) "I missed you!" A few weeks ago, I had to miss our church gathering because I had progressed to the District level for Toastmasters and had to go to California for our District Conference. When I came back the next weekend, I saw my four-year-old friend, C. The moment she got out of the car, she ran to me and said, "Emily! I missed you so much!" You can't beat that.

3 Gifts in Today's Work
This is ironic since Today's Work was church!
1) Air-Conditioning. When it's 102 degrees for the first time of the year, and your church is a start-up that meets in a theater, you're grateful that there is cold air to dry the sweat of your hard work!
2) People who care about seeing everyone free. We had the founder of FREE International join us today to talk about sex trafficking and how we can help. If you want to join us in helping to create a home for young girls who have been rescued from the sex trade to go to recover and heal, please go to www.soughtchurch.com/give, and give to Beyond Us. We're raising $10,000 this year.
3) Promise

2700 Days

I just did the math.

2700 days.  That's what today marks.

From January 1, 2008, to May 23, 2015.  2700 days.
7 years, 4 months, 23 days.

Have you ever started a "good for you" habit and expected it to last longer than a month? Most of those habits seem to drop off our radar the first day we "forget" about them or just run out of time during the day.

On January 1, 2008, however, I started a habit that would change my life. I challenged myself to read my Bible every single day for 31 days. One month of commitment. During that time I read the book of Matthew. 28 chapters in 31 days. Reading something every single day.

Today is 2700 days later. I'm reading a brand new Bible this year with the goal of finishing it in the year. Every day I find nuggets that impact me in completely new ways.

Every day, it is an act of obedience. More than that, however, it's an act of love. Some days I don't feel like reading. Some MONTHS I don't feel like reading. I do it anyway.

Sometimes I don't FEEL God close to me. I read it anyway.

Sometimes I am sick. Or don't get home until midnight. Or have surgery. I read it anyway.

I didn't know a discipline could change your life. It does.

I am more rooted in Jesus, more able to hear and understand what He is sharing with me, because I have determined that I would be reading the Bible every single day. I've been comforted, disciplined, loved, bored, rebuked, encouraged, applauded, able to encourage others, and so much more because of a few minutes at the end of each and every day.

There is always an excuse not to read. Every. Single. Day. Do it anyway.

The Art of Not Letting Circumstance Define You

When my alarm went off on Friday morning, the very first thought that ran through my head was this, 

“Now is the time to seize the day. Don’t be afraid and don’t delay. Nothing can break us, no one can make us give our rights away. Arise and seize the day!” 

If you don’t know 90s movie musicals like I do, that’s a song from Newsies. 1992. Christian Bale. Vinnie from Doogie Howser. Bliss. And their voices were in my head. 

No joke. 

I had tickets to see the musical, Newsies, at the Smith Center. I couldn’t wait. I sang the songs from the movie all morning long. My poor co-workers thought I was crazy, as I sang songs about New York and bringing Pulitzer down! 

I was on a high and I couldn’t wait for the curtain to rise. And then it happened. 

I work in a call center. One of the calls that came in was with someone who was both drunk and high. The callers were discussing sensitive issues. I was having a hard time with the call, but thought I could manage... until I took my next break.

Gone were the funny songs. Gone was the laughing and dancing. In their place was a cloud; dark, painful, seeing the worst in humanity.

I tried to shake it off, remembering that this wasn't MY call, it wasn't MY life, and that I serve a God who is much bigger than this. It just wouldn't go away.

Then, when I was almost home, I got a call from a good friend. He and I were discussing church, our goals, how to help people grow and seek Jesus more effectively. When I hung up, I rolled down the window, grinning at the warmth of the sun on my arms, got myself a Cherry Slush from Sonic, and felt like all was right in the world... and prepared to go have the time of my life at Newsies.

What?!
I mean... really?
Am I so fickle... am I so centered on my circumstances, that I let outside events dictate how I feel, and ultimately... who I am?

As I was getting ready that night, I started thinking. Do I really believe what God says? Do I believe what He says about me? About the other people in this world? About Himself?

I know the answers to those questions are "Yes." Maybe I should say, "Yes, mostly."

Because God says that I am the apple of His eye. That I am a treasured work of art--despite external circumstances. God says that He cares so much about the other people in this world--even those who are drunk and high and who people want to give up on--that He was willing to give His own life to bring them to Him. That they, too, are cherished. And He says that He is good, and purposeful, and works things together in the right way (albeit, maybe not the most comfortable way), and that He will never change, ever, and never leave me alone. Ever.

And if I can just learn to rely on THAT truth, instead of the things that I see during the day that can cause all kinds of uproar, I might end up feeling a little less... insane. A little more consistent. A little more the kind of person that He wants to shape me to be.

The more that I seek Jesus, the more these circumstances slide off of me and don't form who I am. The more that I seek Jesus, I see how deeply He is seeking me, and instead of allowing myself to absorb the anger and despair I see every day, I can feel His love and compassion for the circumstances that brought this about. When I'm confronted with the cultural mindset of poverty in the United States, I can choose not to judge, but instead to care. When I see people verbally abusing each other because that's all they've ever been taught, instead of cringing, I can pray. And I can live my life in such a way that can show love to people who've never felt anything other than condemnation and judgement.

This is not easy. This does not come easily to me.
But this is what Jesus would want in our world. More people loving. More people caring about others. More people depending on Him instead of letting our circumstances dictate who we are.

I will not be the same person I was on Friday, because Friday taught me something. Friday taught me that I need Jesus as my rock. So next Friday, when I have a call with someone who is drunk and high, I can commit to take one very difficult step closer to Jesus. I will grow. I will change. I will fight to lean more on Jesus and less on circumstance.

And it will be worth it.

A Life Well-Lived

Sometimes my heart feels like it's going to explode.

Often, I will spend a day stuck in the rut of everyday life... wake up. Shower.
Feed the cats. Drive to work and not yell at horrible drivers.
Interpret phone calls. Run errands. Go home. Eat dinner. Clean.
Do some church work. Read bible. Go to bed. 

If I'm not careful, these days run together. A blur of a life not well-lived. Simply existing. 

And then... 

I'm given an opportunity that makes me feel sick with nerves, like a speech contest. 

I am reminded of the beauty of a soul fighting for life against cancer. 

I see the sparkle of the city I call home and love so very much. 

I am able to work on the logistics of a database or a budget and feel capable and like I'm making a contribution. 

I connect with people I know and make them friends.

I get the opportunity to hug people at Sought Church, to share what Jesus is doing, or just to smile and welcome a new person. 

These things happen and I know that God has a use for a life filled with action and love and well-lived. More than simply existing. Truly LIVING and sharing that with others. 

And when that happens, my heart feels like it's going to explode.

It's such a good thing.

Is Work Meaningless?

At church right now we're going through a series on the Meaning of Life. I seriously thought it was crazy when the idea came up... because we're based in Ecclesiastes! If you've never read Ecclesiastes, give it a try. It's a little cray cray.

I love it, though. We're going through all these experiments that Solomon, known as the Teacher, does to see where meaning in life happens.

Today, I had the privilege of talking about WORK. Solomon talks about work a lot in Chapter 2.

Basically, he's all depressed because when he dies, he DIES. His stuff goes to someone else who will probably squander it all.

But then he figures out something crazy... there's meaning in life when we recognize that work is a gift from God... because God has a PURPOSE for that work.

I wrote this message and thought it was a neat and tidy little package. And then I got a call at work on Friday (I interpret telephone calls into English and Sign Language) that messed me up for the rest of the day. That was real life. The call emptied me. The only purpose I saw at work was that I HAD to be there to pay the medical bills for my recent surgery.

Suck-fest.

On my way home, God made me re-examine what I was talking about in church. He's like, "Emily... if you can't process this today, you don't get to talk about it on Sunday." Crap.

So let me tell you about purpose, and the purpose that God has created for me, specifically, in the way in which I earn money.

1) I provide access for individuals to make telephone calls. This is amazing. That the technology is there for the integration of video and voice and that I work REALLY hard to make sure that every call sounds as natural as it can be. The rewards of this are being asked, "Are your parents Deaf?" or told, "I wish you were my interpreter EVERY time!" or "You sounded JUST like my sister."

This is good. It really is. But that is the purpose that God has for EVERY interpreter in my situation.

2) I used to work for the State. I quit my job there without being assured of another job somewhere else (only do this when you are 100% sure this is a leading from God!). Purpose? Trusting God.

I got a job as an interpreter. Purpose? Earning money. Building seniority. Understanding the job. Working somewhere with centers nationwide.

I was able to move anywhere. Purpose? I could move to Las Vegas, still earn money to pay for rent, and be available to serve God in a way in which He's designed me. Leading. Preaching. Administrationing. Creating databases and sending cards and speaking and making friends and talking about Jesus and joining Toastmasters and going to coffee shops and... Everything I'm doing here in Vegas is because of the gift that God has given me.


So even on days when I don't care for my job, or when I have rough calls or callers, or I get flipped off, or have to drop the F-bomb 27 times in one conversation, I know God still has a purpose. And I'm so very grateful for that.

Help Me!

At the end of January, I surgery on my knee. Nothing major, but it put me out of commission for a bit. My amazing mom came down to help me get back on my feet (literally), drive me around, cook and clean for me, and just be another person here so I wasn't healing at home alone.

It amazed me, however, how much GUILT I felt when I asked for help! I felt bad asking her to get me a glass of water, bring me dinner, cook me breakfast, wash the dishes. I KNEW that if I tried hard enough, I could do all of those things on my own! Except... I couldn't.

And when you can't do something you normally do, it's humbling. To have to depend on another person for some very basic things. It's harder than it seems like it will be.

I can't tell you how many times I would make a request like, "I'm sorry, but... I ran out of water... could you get me some more?... I... I'm sorry. Thank you..."

Can anyone relate?

I'm the careGIVER, not the care RECEIVER.

I think it's important, though, to be a care receiver sometimes. For me, it made me so much more grateful for my health. I'm still recovering, and I'm frustrated by how I get tired quickly, and that my knee isn't feeling PERFECT yet (even though the doctor TOLD me it would take a month or so). 

I'm grateful for the ability to walk. I'm grateful for a family that cares about me and goes out of the way to make sure I'm taken care of.  I'm grateful for a team of leaders at church who won't LET me overdo it, even when I want to--because I am thinking of what I want to see happen now, but they are thinking of what happens long term. It makes me feel loved. And even being told, "No, don't do that," makes me feel appreciated because I know that people care.

I'm not saying that everyone should go get knee surgery. But maybe everyone should be a care receiver every now and then.

And while my Christmas Tree wasn't attacking me, this is what it felt like when I asked for help (see ESPECIALLY at 1:20):

21 Days

21 days. That's three weeks.

21 days. It's not much time, really, in the grand scheme of things. Or it's an eternity. Either way...

Several of us in Sought Church are doing a 21 day fast beginning tomorrow, February 8th. Some of us are fasting food, some are fasting TV, or something else specific in our lives. Now... I want to be really honest with you about this. When I first was presented with the idea, I wasn't happy.

"Crap," I thought. "I'm a leader. That means I have to do this, too." Because leaders are willing to be
uncomfortable to help other people grow, and let me tell you, fasting is uncomfortable.

Think about it... people won't be EATING. They won't be doing all these other things that we find pleasure in, or stress relief, or sustenance!

Instead, we'll all be looking to God. Seeking Him. Wanting more of Him. Trying our best to listen to what He's saying for our lives, for our church, for our community.

It's hard. It's kinda sucky at times.

But you know what? During that time when FB is down, or there's a deep craving for chocolate (or just food in general!), guess where we get to focus our time and energy?

On Jesus.

And that? That's the greatest pleasure of all.

Want to join our fast? Want to ask questions, or start a conversation about this? Let me know in the comments.

#RedLipNation

Some women that I hang out with online have started a new trend.  Our roles are typically seen as conservative, so our trend is... refreshing. Scary. And downright gorgeous.

These women--pastors, leaders, mothers, executives, peace-keepers, movers and shakers--keep stepping up, one by one, to reach out of their comfort zone.

Many of us have uttered the words, "I've never done this before..." Often, those words are preceded by one amazing feat--red lipstick.

I know.  You're thinking, "Emily. This post is about MAKEUP?"

Seriously, keep reading.

I wear chapstick every day. That's mostly the extent of my lip color (i.e. there IS no color).  When this discussion about wearing red lipstick started, my first thought was, "Um, I could NEVER get away with that."  But I kept seeing pictures of the most beautiful, brave women. Red lips out there, speaking words with confidence and grace.

Finally, I thought I needed to try it. I wanted to be brave. Because wearing my chapstick is NOT brave.  Wearing my chapstick hides me, helps me blend in. Having red lips makes me stand out--or at least feel like I'm standing out. And while I want to stand out in many ways (I love the spotlight!), my lips were never a way I wanted to do that!

Monday night, I went to Ulta.  (That's a makeup store. I live 5 minutes from it, it's HUGE, and I'd seriously never heard of it before.) I got some help from a girl there and went home with 3 lip colors and a lip liner. The next morning, I wore red lipstick to a minister's breakfast.

I.
Was.
Terrified.

But no one kicked me out. No one took away my credentials. No one called me a hooker.

I sat there, singing and praying, and listening to what God was doing, and I felt grateful. Strangely enough, in that bravery, fighting back the fear of what others would think of me, I felt like I was more the woman that God had created me to be. Bold. Fearless (or at least able to conquer fear). Brave.

Joshua 1:9 tells us to "be strong and courageous." No, Joshua was not talking about wearing red lipstick. But... I felt that way when I put it on. I know that red lipstick doesn't cause the Lord to go with me wherever I go, but my insecurity meant that I had to put 100% of my worth, value, everything on HIM, not on me. And that's a LOT scarier than smearing a little NYX Butter Lipstick in Licorice on my mouth.

If you don't normally wear red lipstick (and you're a woman!), go find a shade that fits you and try it. If you do, or you're a guy, try something else that brings you out of your comfort zone. You'll quickly realize just how much you need to depend on Jesus to breathe calmly when you wonder if other people are judging you, concerned about you, or... don't even care about the change.  Join the #redlipnation!

Lessons from the Littles

As a church startup, our team spends the early part of our Sunday mornings loading and unloading, then setting up, everything we need to make church happen for the day.  We load in things for kids, a coffee table, concierge, all our sound equipment, TVs, etc. 

Once that's all done, we meet together to talk about what's going to happen during our gathering, and then to pray for our time together and for the people who are going to join our conversation that day.

Our team ranges in age from almost 10 months old to--well, not 10 months!  This morning, while we're praying, I saw something that really made me pause.

The 10 month old, we'll call him L, has an older sister, four and a half (don't forget the half!) year old C.  She adores her little brother.  He, in turn, loves her.  Today, all of the adults were standing in a circle, with C sitting on a step inside the circle, and little brother in front of her on the floor.  Halfway through prayer, C decided to get up and walk to her mom, wanting the closeness of family--or maybe just getting wiggles out.

L just sat there for a second.

Then his little face got determined and he spun around, crawling quickly to the feet of his big sister... who looked down adoringly.

I was struck by this.  L knew that life without his sister, even just for that moment, wasn't good.  This little boy wanted the comfort of someone who is family, who cherishes him, and who he knows so well.  It wouldn't have done for me to pick him up--he probably would have started crying, even though I love him to pieces.  He wanted the one who he KNEW was his.

It made me think of my relationship with Jesus.  When I find myself in a situation where I can't see Jesus, do I freak out?  Do I cry because I feel alone or hurt?  Or do I spin around, catch His eye, and RUN toward Him?

I know Jesus is mine and I am His.  I know that in Him alone is my safety.  I know that without Him, I am lost. I pray that the next time I find myself in the same situation that L did, a little lost and without my Jesus, I am willing to SEEK out Jesus and sprint toward His side--because I know He is always seeking me.

Go check out my guest blog!

I had the awesome opportunity to blog again with some of my favorite people, The Preacher Girls, last week.  You should check out my blog and then watch theirs regularly!!

The advent of Advent

The advent of Advent.  That’s what happened in my life this month.

I know, you’re thinking, “Emily, Advent is over--why are you blogging about it NOW?”

I’m talking about it now because this is the first time I’ve actually celebrated Advent… ever.  I am blogging about it now because I can look back on the last month in surprise.

Christmas has always been a happy time for me--at least a time when I wanted it to LOOK happy.  It’s quite a frenzy, trying to listen to all the music I want to hear, do the things I want to do, feel the feelings I want to feel.  And then on December 26th, I look back and wonder why I wasn’t as fulfilled as I should have been… wanted to be… and why I was left with a feeling of longing.  A feeling of "meh."

I decided to celebrate Advent because we were celebrating it as a church, not because I thought it could deal with those "meh" feelings.  I didn't know how to celebrate Advent, to be very honest with you.  Because of that, I ended up finding an Advent calendar template online and started filling it out on the first day of Advent in November.  You know those cardboard Advent calendars with the waxy chocolate inside?  You open up one door for every day and you’ve got a little treat inside!  This is the opposite of that.  Each day of Advent is blank… until you take some time out to pause and fill it in.

Every day I found a verse or a chapter in the Bible that talked about Jesus, or about the emotion surrounding the wait for Him prior to His advent into our lives.

Do you know what Advent and filling out that little calendar did for me?

It made me pause.  It made me reflect.  It gave me permission to feel everything I was trying to stuff down before.  My first entry was an entry of yearning, wanting more.  Why?  Because the world was waiting for its King and Savior.  And if the whole world felt yearning and waiting for more, I suppose it was OK for me to feel things like that, too.

Today is December 26th.  Yes, there were things I wanted to do this Christmas that I didn’t get done, and yes, I missed the traditions of Christmas past that I didn’t get to celebrate this year.  However…  I feel more fulfilled.  I’m not as nostalgic.  I’m ready to tackle 2015 head on, and meet some of the goals I talked about last week.

I’m grateful for Advent because I feel more like ME after Christmas.  And I’m looking forward to learning more new rhythms of Advent in 2015, as I wait for the ultimate advent of Jesus' return.

Lives Matter

I have a confession to make.  I don't know everything.

I realize that's a shock, but it's true.  As a sign language interpreter I feel like I get surface knowledge of almost everything under the sun, but sometimes the things I learn just barely scratch the surface of deep issues.

I wanted to make sure you all knew that before I dove in here today.  I don't know everything.  This post isn't about how much I know.  It isn't about who is right or wrong in situations.  It's not a news source.  It is, however, a way for me to process my thoughts and some of the thoughts of those I interact with.  Thoughts about what?

Black Lives Matter.

Ever since the decision not to indite the officer in the death of Michael Brown, I've seen the hashtag #blacklivesmatter all over my Facebook and Twitter feed.  In doing some research, I found that the hashtag actually started in 2012 after the controversy over Trayvon Martin's death.

When I first saw it, I felt unsettled.  Not because I don't believe Black lives matter.  Simply because I feel like ALL life matters.  I struggled with the fact that people were emphasizing that the lives of Black people were important, when it felt like it could be fueling the flame of anger both from the Black community and against it.  Every time I saw #blacklivesmatter, I thought #alllivesmatter.

My problem here is that once I thought #alllivesmatter, I moved on to another story.  Yes, the violence that has happened affects me, but it affects me in the way that Hurricane Sandy affected me.  I was very sad for everyone involved, I sent some money in to help rebuild, I said a few prayers for people, and then I went to my job.  I had no real change in my life as a result of it.  That's how I've responded when seeing #blacklivesmatter.  My heart hurts for those affected.  I'm irritated by protesters laying down on freeways because they're putting lives at risk.  I pray for our country to work together to solve this issue.  And then I watch the next episode of Once Upon a Time.

Nothing changes.

Nothing changes except that I'm still bothered by the hashtag, because all lives matter.

And then I read through a conversation today about this very topic and something someone said struck me.  He seemed to come from the same view that I had been having, and asked if we were going to call out every sect of life... #asianlivesmatter, #womenslivesmatter, etc.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Because I fight for women's equality in every aspect of life.  Home, church, internationally, etc.  I get angry when people (who aren't directly affected by this) say it's not that big of a deal when I see my sisters hurting.  When I saw #womenslivesmatter, I suddenly felt a kinship with the phrase #blacklivesmatter.

It's not the same.  Not at ALL.  I would never assume it is.  We're talking about momma's losing their babies, about people growing up in poverty and not knowing how to get out.  We're talking life and death here.

I finally understood, however, that #blacklivesmatter is not saying Black lives matter MORE.  It is saying that Black lives matter WITH everyone else's life.  And it doesn't matter if I agree with court decisions or not, if I'm Black, White, Middle-Eastern, or a Time Lord.  It matters that I can stand and say, "I understand you are hurting.  I will pray for your community.  I will be a peace-maker where I can.  I love and respect you as a fellow human being."

These are things that would come out of the mouth of Jesus if He were living in the middle of the United States today.  These are things that the Bible talks about: "Blessed are the peacemakers."  Jesus came for the broken.  He walked away from the self-righteous who said they didn't need healing, and cried with those who were broken and hurting.  He loved people.  He was revolutionary, because He connected with people where they were, and then allowed them to grow with Him.

And so that is my new prayer for our country.  That Jesus would be able to connect with those who are broken and hurting and angry.  That His voice would be voice they hear, both deep in their hearts and spoken loudly on the streets, in the churches, and yes, all over Facebook.  And then I pray that He would lead each hurting heart on a journey toward healing and freedom in Him.  Allowing people to work together to create healthy change, in personal lives and across our country.  I pray that #blacklivesmatter would become a resounding shout of the goodness of what God can do in people who are willing to listen.

I will pick up the banner of my friends and colleagues.  I will not pretend to understand what it feels like, but I will say that I care and will stand with them.  I will tell people that their lives matter.  And I will pray for Jesus to heal open wounds.  Why?

Because lives DO matter.

Consistency

Recently, a friend of mine asked if any of a larger group of us ever felt like we couldn't hear from God, or if we ever just didn't FEEL His presence.  As if our faith just wasn't good enough.

Of course we'd all felt that way at one time or another, some of us experiencing it currently.  I described times in my past where I've felt the giant nothingness in faith, but looked out to an even more desolate wasteland without Jesus and recognized that even if I was nothing and my faith was almost non-existant WITH Him, it was still better than the wasteland without Him.

Then I went about my business.

I keep thinking about that, though.

Because I'm not in that place right now.  I'm excited about what God is doing, especially here in Las Vegas and in our church, and I'm grateful for the opportunities that I'm being given to learn and to grow.

But I was reading through some of my old blogs tonight and I grew nostalgic.  My belief in Jesus has never been stronger.  All the crap that has happened this year has only proven that God is consistent and faithful.  And I thrive in that.

But I feel something missing.  I do miss that little spark that ignites a close passion for Jesus.  It's there in many of those old blogs.

Do you want to know what I've realized, though?  I do want that spark in my life, in a consistent form, and it will flame back with a vengance, but...  I'm so very grateful for the simple steadfastness of Jesus in my life.  I don't have to experience the ups and downs that I did early in my faith.  I don't have to rely on a sign or a proof that He is real. 

I just trust. 
I just know.

And if I never have that crazy spark again, I'm OK with it because my Savior is always here, always teaching me, always guiding.  If you ask me what He's working on in me, I could pretty much tell you at any given time.

So my friends... if you don't feel the spark: that's OK.  If you feel like you're standing at the abyss and there's nothing around you: that's OK.  If you're fired up and ready to share about what Jesus is doing this second in your life: that's OK.  He just wants you to remain as consistent with Him as He is with you.  It just may feel different in every season of life.

Extroverts Unite!

All the extroverts in the house say, “HOLLA!”

I learned something this week about myself.  There are a ton of things out there in internet-world about self care for introverts, or how to interact with an introvert, or why introverts are queens of the world.  But really… Extroverts need to figure out how to care for ourselves, too.

That means… you get a story.

Wednesday night was the night before Thanksgiving.  I ended up at my friend’s house for an early turkey dinner.  Yum.  Seriously.  Delish.  We spent time talking about what’s going on in our lives, laughing a bit, eating a lot, and just having a nice dinner. When I left I was exhausted (thank you full day of work plus tryptophan!), had a very full belly, and was ready to take a nap!

I decided to try something different, however.

I didn’t sit down.  I just put the turkey I’d been given in the fridge, grabbed the couple of bags of trash I’d had sitting by the door, and walked to the dumpster.  It was good, moving after such a full dinner.  Being outside and breathing the cold air.  I went back inside and turned on some Christmas music… and unloaded the dishwasher.  Reloaded it.  Started cleaning off counters and floors.

I was puzzled.  I was STUFFED, almost as much as Fred the Turkey.  Where did all this energy come from?

Suddenly it dawned on me.  I was full.  Not just my stomach (though that certainly was!), but I’d just spent a few hours talking about me and about people that I care about.  My extrovert tank was full.  Because of that, I had an excessive amount of energy to spend cleaning my home!

I started thinking over the last week of my life.  My day job entails me talking about the lives of people that I have ZERO investment in.  Chances are, I’ll never see them again.  I’m paid not to care, I’m paid to be neutral and just share information from one person to another.

On Saturday, I was surrounded by 9,000 other people at a Convoy of Hope event.  I worked in the prayer tent all day, which meant that there was a never ending line of people that I was talking with.  All day, I heard story after story, and prayed for provision and healing and for people to seek Jesus.  When I left, I was exhausted.  Wiped out.  Glad I’d served, happy to get to know a few friends a little more, but beat.  When I got home, I didn’t have much energy to do anything.

The difference between Saturday and Wednesday?  It was about me.  Not selfishly, but I had the opportunity to share MY story on Wednesday.  To hear stories about those people in whom I’m personally invested.  

So here’s the lesson for all of my extrovert friends, especially those of us who find ourselves in situations where we don’t have long histories of friendships or families surrounding us.  

Make relationships.

Invest in those relationships.

And when we don’t feel like cleaning the house… maybe it’s time to go hang out with some friends for an hour or two.

Silence

Silence is a funny concept.  Really, it just means that things are quiet.  But in our life, it can represent so much more.

For example, I've had the TV on all morning while I was cleaning up, working around the house, doing my budget.  There's an Andy Griffeth marathon on this weekend, and it's great background TV.  I just turned it off, though, to come here, and in the silence I hear the sounds of home and summer.  The refrigerator, the cats' water fountain, cicadas outside (that's a new one for me, the Washington girl).

I've been silent on my blog for a few months, too.  My last post was from February.  There's a reason I haven't posted since then:  March.  In a very short period I injured my knee, got bronchitis (for weeks!), had my identity stolen, 2 family members very close to me had heart attacks, one of those soon after broke his kneecap, my apartment was broken into and items stolen, and more. 

It was overwhelming.
It was exhausting.
I was living in a mixture of fear and faith and confusion.

And while I was silent here, I couldn't be silent in real life.

The moment silence settled, fear or anxiety overwhelmed me.  In a group of friends, at work, at home alone.  My heart would race, tears would fall, I would envision the night I came home to my door busted open.

The problem is that a lot of prayer involves silence.  When you can't pause, when you can't take a quiet breath, it's almost impossible to hear from God.  When you have to drown out YOUR voice with music or TV or talking, you also drown out the only One who can truly give you comfort.

During this time I found a new tool to add to my arsenal.  It's called Praying in Color, and it allows me to draw, write, and color my prayers.  The first time I did it, I wrote out a verse that had impacted me and doodled around it... as I was doodling, I chose colors and shapes that represented what I wanted to pray.  I thought through the words that God had been trying to speak with me.  An hour later--a SILENT hour later, I ended up, not with a masterpiece, but with evidence that though I was still struggling, God was continuing to love me.

There are people in my life right now who are experiencing things far worse than my horrible month.  Things I wish I could take away, but I can't.  Even so, what I felt was real.  What you are feeling, whatever you're experiencing, is real. 

For me it was the silence that felt like it was strangling.  But God showed me a way out of the suffocating, anxiety-causing, fear that wrapped around me in the silence.  He will for you, too. 

If you're stuck in fear, stuck and feeling like you're sinking, take a deep breath.  It might happen right away, it might take a long time. 

But He is yearning for you. 
He is seeking you. 
You need to reach. 
Breathe. 

He has a way out, even if it's hard.  Maybe it's something as simple as praying in color.  Maybe it's filling your silence with quiet music until you can be in peace.   Just keep trying.

Available 1.32 Acres

Sundays with Sought Church usually involve a combination of a prayer walk around the Downtown Las Vegas area, a team meeting, discussion of what new developments we've had in the startup process, and anything else that a new church needs to discuss.  This Sunday was no different. 

We met in a parking lot near the Arts District and walked down the street, praying and discussing vacant lots, empty buildings, and potential.  I snapped this picture on one of the vacant lots.  (And yes, my apologies to those of you blanketed in feet of snow... it WAS as gorgeous as that picture implies!)  One of the things I just don't get about Southern Nevada is that when a building is no longer in use, they tear it down.  They clear the lot, and leave a gaping hole with a For Sale sign.  The rest of the country (at least where I've lived) tries to sell the property WITH the building on it, but, in general, not here. 

This is one of those properties.  It's bare. Gravel and dirt, with flecks of worn glass, crumbling walls, and bits of trash.  It's hopeless; at least that's how it feels.  What was there is long gone, and all that's left is a scar on the landscape.  A blight.  Something ugly and abandoned.

But...

But the sign on this particular lot doesn't say "For Sale."  It says "Available."  1.32 acres available for something to happen.  Ready to be purchased and developed.  It could be a park.  It could be a grocery store.  It could be a restaurant, a copy shop, a bar, a pet store, a hotel.  The possibilities are endless.  Someone is going to see that "Available" and move on it.  They're going to redeem their hard-earned cash for 1.32 worn out acres and are going to build something on it that will be their passion and their hope and their way of impacting the city of Las Vegas.

It makes me think... Aren't we, so often, like that bare land?  We are razed down, crumbled, completely destroyed.  All that's left are a few tears and the thought that maybe something will change in the future.  Maybe we've given up all hope.  But maybe we've put out our "Available" sign.  We don't know WHAT we're available for yet, but we're ready.  We're ready for hopes and dreams and for a future.

That's where God enters.  Jesus sees the sign that says, "Available, one broken human soul" and He redeems us, not with cash, but with His own life.  He sees us and says "THAT life, the one that has nothing left?  The one that feels like giving up??  THAT life is the one I love, the one I want.  The one I dare to love recklessly." 

Friends, I don't care how beat up and broken and discouraged we feel.  I don't care if we're feeling high on life.  However we're feeling, whatever we're doing, Jesus is looking for that "Available" sign in our lives.  For us to simply think, "Maybe there's more than what I see here."  It's why He came.  It's why He sent Sought Church to Downtown Las Vegas.  It's because He wants us, more than anything in the world.

You are sought by Him.  You are wanted.  Are you available?

What the Doctor and Aslan Have in Common

Today's post is brought to you by my inner nerd.  The Whovians* will thank me.

First, I want to take you to Doctor Who.  The Doctor is a Time Lord.  He's old (life times old).  He travels in a blue police box called the TARDIS (Time and Relative Dimension in Space) that's bigger on the inside and can go anywhere in space and time.  And when his body is dying, he can regenerate--he becomes a new Doctor... The same man and memories, but a different body, a different bent to life.



When the Doctor regenerates, regenerative energy releases from him... you can see the golden glow in these pictures of Doctors Ten and Eleven.  It's LIFE...  LIFE being breathed out of one man into the universe.  LIFE that truly brings salvation to the people of earth time and time again.

Take another trip with me.  This time let's go to Narnia.
Home of the White Witch, Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, Mr. Tumnus the Fawn, and Aslan... the Lion who is Lord over the land.  Not to throw out spoilers, but Aslan gives his life for people.  But because he so willingly made that sacrifice, he, too, was able to bring salvation.  For me, one of the most meaningful scenes in the movie is when Aslan, brought back to life after his sacrifice, finds Mr. Tumnus, the fawn who cared about little Lucy Pevensie, and was, for his loyalty to the true Narnia, turned to stone.  Aslan approaches the stone fawn, who's face is contorted in fear and pain, and breathes on him.  He breathes life.  Health.  Salvation.  Mr. Tumnus LIVES because of the breath of Aslan.

Folks...  we don't have the power to breathe on someone and see them saved or immediately made hopeful or turned from stone to life.  However, we DO have an incredible gift that we can share.  We have the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of God, pneuma, the breath of life.  Our every breath, our every word, should drip with the Spirit, offering the gift of hope and LIFE.

The Doctor's regenerative energy came out of him as a natural process of his regeneration.  He didn't force it.  He simply breathed.  Aslan knew that he had a gift of life and simply gave it.  He didn't hesitate and stand back in fear, wondering if Mr. Tumnus would opt to remain frozen in stone forever.  He simply... breathed.

We have fear, I get that.  I experience it, too.  Fear that our friends and family will look at us like we're crazy.  Fear of rejection.  But I have to wonder...  Would it be better for me to have a friend say, "No thanks, I'm not into that?" or for God to ask me, with tears in His eyes, "WHY, Daughter?  I put YOU in her life to show my Spirit and my love to her, and you left her... alone.  Hopeless. Without Me.  Simply because you thought she might say no?" 

If we are willing to love people, to speak life, to serve and pray and speak and laugh and cry with others... then maybe Mr. Tumnus really can come back to life--or someone's stone-hard heart can soften and start beating again.


Side note:  If you're reading this and feel frozen like Mr. Tumnus... There IS hope.  There is a chance to thaw, to love, to rejoice, to LIVE again.  This life is found in Jesus.  Friend... Jesus loves you.  He cherishes you.  He has an adventure out there that's custom designed for you.  And He just wants you to believe.  

NOW is the time to believe...  to open up your heart and simply say, "Jesus... I need your help.  I want YOU to be involved in this crazy life I'm leading right now.  I want purpose.  I acknowledge that you are God, and I believe in You.  I want your change and hope and love in my life."  If you pray that, will you do me a favor?  Will you tell someone?  Tell me, tell your spouse, tell your BFF, tell a co-worker... just TELL someone.


*A Whovian is a fan of the TV Show "Doctor Who" - if you're not a fan, you should be!

Dreams

My home church in Washington, Faith Assembly of Lacey, is halfway through a series on dreaming--about having God-sized vision for what can be.  Since I'm not there, I'm a week behind what my friends there are hearing, but I LOVE seeing all of the Facebook posts about people who are inspired to re-open their hearts to what God could be accomplishing in their lives.  My friend, the lead pastor there, is excited to see what God is going to accomplish in their community through hundreds of people dreaming once again--and it makes me smile to know that God can communicate even to those who don't know Him because of one simple message: Dream Again!

You know what I love about living in Las Vegas?  There are a lot of things, actually, which completely surprises me.  Let me list a few--and then I'll connect them all.

DTLV from the top of the Stratosphere

I love that LV is transient.  That people come here from somewhere else.  We're all travelers here.  We're all looking for hope and purpose.  We're all looking for something that is different from where we were before. It's scary and it's new and it's an adventure that we all hold together.  It's an instant understanding of most other people in the area.

I love that Downtown LV (DTLV) is bubbling with newness.  There are artists and entrepreneurs and risk-takers and dreamers.  People who have given everything to share who they are with the people who are connected to DTLV.

I love the sun.  I had no idea.  I am a pluviophile at heart and that will NEVER change.  However...  The sun is life-giving and it affects me and the people around me every day--causing reactions that are totally different than those encased by rain.

I love the people in LV, especially those in DTLV.  I have found, when I've told them that I moved from the green Northwest to the brown desert to help start a church, that they are excited.  Believers or not, they see the good that can come from people working with people to bring light and hope to a neighborhood.  They sense the risk we're taking, they see the potential for good, and they're excited.

Isn't it amazing?  I love the dreamers.  DTLV is, if you look for it, filled with dreamers and hopers, and people who aren't satisfied with sitting back and watching others live out their dreams--they want in on the adventure, too.  That's why I'm happy.  God has asked me to join the adventure... and to bring people with me.