Recently, a friend of mine asked if any of a larger group of us ever felt like we couldn't hear from God, or if we ever just didn't FEEL His presence. As if our faith just wasn't good enough.
Of course we'd all felt that way at one time or another, some of us experiencing it currently. I described times in my past where I've felt the giant nothingness in faith, but looked out to an even more desolate wasteland without Jesus and recognized that even if I was nothing and my faith was almost non-existant WITH Him, it was still better than the wasteland without Him.
Then I went about my business.
I keep thinking about that, though.
Because I'm not in that place right now. I'm excited about what God is doing, especially here in Las Vegas and in our church, and I'm grateful for the opportunities that I'm being given to learn and to grow.
But I was reading through some of my old blogs tonight and I grew nostalgic. My belief in Jesus has never been stronger. All the crap that has happened this year has only proven that God is consistent and faithful. And I thrive in that.
But I feel something missing. I do miss that little spark that ignites a close passion for Jesus. It's there in many of those old blogs.
Do you want to know what I've realized, though? I do want that spark in my life, in a consistent form, and it will flame back with a vengance, but... I'm so very grateful for the simple steadfastness of Jesus in my life. I don't have to experience the ups and downs that I did early in my faith. I don't have to rely on a sign or a proof that He is real.
I just trust.
I just know.
And if I never have that crazy spark again, I'm OK with it because my Savior is always here, always teaching me, always guiding. If you ask me what He's working on in me, I could pretty much tell you at any given time.
So my friends... if you don't feel the spark: that's OK. If you feel like you're standing at the abyss and there's nothing around you: that's OK. If you're fired up and ready to share about what Jesus is doing this second in your life: that's OK. He just wants you to remain as consistent with Him as He is with you. It just may feel different in every season of life.