In Honor of International Women's Day

My friend Vicki announced on Facebook tonight that tomorrow (Friday) is International Women's Day.  Her challenge?  To write a tribute to women who have inspired, pushed, or encouraged you.

Vicki?  Game on.

First of all I want to comment on the day itself.  Sometimes, I think we forget how amazing women are.  Women have, historically, been treated as less than.  Unequal.  But oh, how women are so much more.  From the very beginning, Eve was not created as a secondary citizen, but an equal partner, sharing in God's love.  Women throughout history have been rejected, abandoned, abused, trafficked... and yet they rise above.  In freedom they tell their story--a story of grace and redemption.  Of love.  Of LIFE.

My tribute today will not encompass everyone.  I wish I had pages I could write on each of you, but my time (and yours) is limited.  Today, I can only select two groups of women.

The first women I must thank today are my Mothers...  My mom, step-mom, and grandmothers.  The ones who knew me from the beginning (well, or since second grade!).  Strong women.  Capable women.  Women who allowed me to be me and celebrated who I was and who I have become.  My grandmothers proved that there is nothing more comforting than grandma's arms.  My mothers proved their strength and mettle as single moms--fighting for what was right for their children.  These women will never know the depth of my gratitude and admiration for them.  Mom and G - here's to many, many more years.

The second women are the female pastors in my life.  I didn't realize how unusual it was for me to have the kind of impact you all have had on my life.  Women I've churched under--like JoAnn, Hedy, Dawn, Anna.  The ministry "greats" in my life--showing how much God loves His daughters to serve as much as His sons.  Women I've churched with, or even from afar--like Korista, Chantel, Vicki, Angela... and every single SHWAG and U40 sister.  God is using you, my friends.  Thank you for your service to Him.

There is my heart tonight.  Who are the women YOU tribute this week?

Too much to lose

I came home from Haiti on Easter. 
I already felt behind.

Then I got sick.  And sicker.  A little better.  Then terribly sick. 
2 weeks passed.
I finally began to start feeling better.
At 2 and a half weeks, I'm still coughing, still dealing, but healing.

But I'm so behind.  In everything.  EVERYTHING.
And when you have a need to be in control, to have everything perfect... that ruins you.
You are confronted with the feeling of FAILURE.

YOU FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.

Even when things are great in other areas of life, you start to hear those condemning words.  You start to think they might be true--because there's no way out from under the failure.  There's no way to succeed.

Then something happens.  Something bad in my case.  Something external that got made right, but still... it's more than you can handle. 
You crumble.
But still...  You have to appear in control.
You make a weak cry for help, but aren't heard - at least the way you want to be.

You get to a point where the facade covering the feeling of failure is too much.  It begins to weaken. Crack. Dissolve.  But...

It was at this point that I realized I was under attack.  I sat in my car, staring at a tree, yelling at the devil.  Everyone sits in their cars and stares at trees while they're yelling at the devil... don't they??

Then a friend comes up.  Runs up.  Urgently.  "I'm supposed to pray for you!"
She doesn't ask, she just starts praying.
And the tears start.

Change scene.

Other friends, those I've allowed to speak into my life, see me breaking.  Ask what's wrong.
Tears.
They pray.  More pray.
Battles are fought.  And won.

After, exhausted but grounded, God confronted me with the truth of what He's done in my life.
How far He's taken me.
Where He's leading me.
And He gently whispered, "To get there, you need these people.
You are not alone.
When you feel like you're losing control, be thankful.  Then turn to those I've placed in your life.
They're here to carry you to Me.
There is no condemnation.
You are not a failure nor are you failing.
I am most present in your weakness, daughter.
I am community.  You need community.
When you walk away from the community I have given you, you are turning your back on the changes I have made in your life.  You have too much to lose.
You have so much to gain.
You. Are. Loved."

My soul, injured, grieving, broken...  was healed.

To my community, to those whom God has placed in my life:
Thank you.  Thank you so very much.

When I Think of Haiti...

...here's what I will remember.

Teenagers

We spent a week in Haiti, Saturday to Saturday.  There were 12 of us on our team... 8 high schoolers, 4 leaders.  Our teens changed in that week.  They grew by leaps and bounds, in boldness, joy, maturity, and worship of the Lord.  Our nightly prayer meetings reflected the day's work - these kids pushed during the day, and they pushed at night.  They love our Jesus with a fiercer love than before - and I am so very proud of them.

My Inabilities

Philippians says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  That was proven this week - with a reminder of the opposite... I can do nothing, at least nothing of consequence, without Him.  This is my prayer - that I remember this in all things... That HE is the source of all my abilities AND my inabilities.  I can do nothing without His power working through me, and all things should point to Him.

The Worship

Have you ever sung in Creole?  I have...  I LOVE it.  Worship at the Mission of Hope church was infectious... even if you didn't know what you were singing, you knew you were glorifying the Lord - and joining hundreds of other believers, belting out the lyrics.  These people show no restraint in their worship.  If they want to praise the Lord, they do so with every ounce of their being.  They sing loudly, dance exuberantly, and shout His praises from the beginning to the end.   

On Tuesday night, we had a worship service...  Mostly songs, some prayer--a lot of time praising the Lord.  After an hour and a half or two hours, it came time to take the offering.  After about 5 minutes of worship, things started to be dying down... a few of us looked at each other, ready to take our seats.  All of a sudden, the music ramped up again--louder and a little faster.  Something was happening.  People began pouring out of their seats and into the aisles, dancing, singing, laughing, until sweat was visible on every single person there.  On and on and on the music played, increasing intensity, building joy and laughter.  After about 10 minutes, Justin stepped out to video the intense worship, as the rest of us just kept moving with the music.  We were clapping and laughing, singing all of the "Oooohs" and as much of the Creole as we could figure out.  Our students joined in a conga line.  The people around us danced and sang, shouting out thanks to God - "Meci, Jezi!  Meci, Jezi!"  20 or 25 minutes in the music finally finished... worshipers flushed and hoarse, filled with laughter.  I suspect it will be a long time before I experience this intensity in worship again!

God's Orchestrations

The things that seemed so little when we started this trip out became vitally important.  God planned each of the 4 leaders to head to Haiti with these teens--2 men, 2 women.  Each of us was needed, with our own abilities and strengths.  Who knew that we would need the expertise of each at one time or another?  Only God.  I feel so very honored that I was chosen as one of these leaders, and that I was able to serve Him not only by ministering to the Haitian community, but also to the youth of our own church.

There were other times when I was amazed at how God would place one person in a position to minister and it would be the perfect person.  One example: We were in a village on our last ministry day, talking to the people in the street.  The afternoon was hot and muggy (as all are in Haiti).  Women were washing clothes in the river on the other side of the bridge.  Children came running to us calling out, "Blan! Blan!  (White! White!)"  A group of men were resting in the shade of a huge tree, right next to the river.  One of our students, an evangelist at heart, grabbed one of our translators (yes, they're interpreters, not translators, but down there that's what they're referred to as), and began asking these men if they were Christians, if they believed in Jesus, if they wanted prayer.  He made the rounds... then stopped at one man sitting by himself.  The older man lifted up his left arm to show our teen the scars from where the bullets of a gun ripped through his body.  Our young evangelist adjusted his shirt to show where the bullet of a gun ripped through his own body--putting him in a place to recognize the reality of Jesus.  Young boy and old man--connected with an awareness of how precious life is and how it needs to be used by God.  The old man gave his life to Christ that day.  God used two very horrible situations to bring His glory into the lives of His children.

Greetings and Language

When I see someone here in the US, I still want to greet them with "Bon Jou" or "Bon Swa!"  I want to tell people, "Meci!"  I want to ask, "Komen ou ye?"  I still hear our teens shouting "Jezi vivan!"  In telling stories to some of my Deaf co-workers  today, I signed things in ASL, but mouthed them in Creole--because things happened in Creole.

The Sweating

OK, it had to be mentioned. At multiple points during the week, everyone's shirts were soaked with sweat.  It was hot.  And working hard in the hot means that your pores start leaking.  I can still see David on the ladder inside the school, painting the corners and edges, both shirts soaked and hair plastered to his face.  There were shiny faces all week long - but loving Jesus means you get to sweat sometimes - it was worth it!

The Healings

We serve a God who likes to do miracles.  One of the teens on our team went to Haiti with very bad asthma.  While there, he had a massive, get-him-to-the-hospital-or-he-could-die asthma attack.  Those on our team who were with him at the time started to pray - and instantly he was healed.  Not just healed in the moment, but permanently healed.  There is no more asthma in his body.  God is amazing!

The last night we were there, God told me to ask the teens for prayer for my knees.  I've been diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my left knee, and there are times when the pain is debilitating.  This was their trip and I didn't want to take away from that, plus I'm so dang prideful, but God was clear... so I asked.  They prayed.  I stood up and went to the stairs... going down about half of them, turning around, and coming back up...  Something was different.  There was no grinding.  No grinding.  My knees have been grinding every day since last January - and often before that.  The grinding was gone.  I had no idea how to respond.  My knees felt weird, different than they ever had.  I yelled out, "There's NO GRINDING!"  I went up and down the stairs - again with no grinding.  How do you respond??  My prayer the whole time was, "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!"  It still is!

See...  There's still pain in my knee--specifically my left knee.  but... it's different.  I'm not sure how to describe what's different about it.  The grinding is gone.  I'm going up and down stairs now and not crunching--something I wasn't sure I'd ever experience again.  I have an appointment later this month with a knee specialist--something that got scheduled before I left for Haiti.  My endocrinologist (who made the appointment) suspected that there may be more than just arthritis in there.  I'm tending to agree...  I'm wondering if God DID specifically heal the arthritis, so the doctor will be able to see what the OTHER problem is clearly.  I don't know how our Lord works - I just know that I will continue to pray and thank Him and be so very excited!

 That's all for now.  God is GOOD.  He is FAITHFUL.  I am so in love with Him.

My Heart is Happy

I cannot believe how God is moving in my life.  Honestly, I'm not sure I've ever been so happy or grateful for the things He's doing!

Very soon I'll be in Haiti, with a crazy group of teenagers, sweating all over ourselves.  It's going to be phenomenal.  Some of these teens I've just recently met, others I've known for awhile - but I love them all!  I'm SO very excited to see what God works in their hearts and lives!

I'm also developing a love for the Hatian people...  especially their Deaf community.  If you get a chance, check out Kyle Reschke's blog...  I read what God is doing down there, how He's empowering the Deaf community, and I have tears of joy.  He truly DOES take the lonely and set them in families.  He truly DOES care, desperately, for those that society calls the least.  He truly IS far greater than anything any of us could imagine.

Life is so... unpredictable.  Who knew?  8 months ago, my life was fairly status quo.  Today, I've seen my future.  I'm undergoing major heart change and the renewing of my mind.  I'm going to HAITI.  Life is good.

The Moments

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the princess of the life God gave....

OK, so that's not exactly how it goes. ;)

Have you ever had that moment?  You know the one.  Where you're going along in your life, everything is the same as yesterday, except that you're 24 hours older, and hopefully 24 hours wiser, when all of a sudden... there's a moment where life completely changes.  Where life completely changes YOU?

I've had TWO of those moments in the last few months.  TWO.

In November, I was walking along, minding my own, when KABLAM!  God throws down the blueprint for the rest of my life.  OK, so it's not really a blueprint.  It's more of a "this is where you're headed, kid.  Hang on for the ride!"  All of my secret dreams were suddenly blended together in this exquisite patchwork that only God could design.  I'm not there yet, I'm oh, so far from there, but... it was that MOMENT!  At that moment, everything changed.  Everything.

What's really crazy is that nothing REALLY changed. :)  I mean, it was all internal.  It was purposeful, and hopeful, and totally insane.  But I was still (heck, AM still) in the same situation.  But the gears, those nutty God-gears, began to creak their way into movement.

And then the moment happened... again.  Our youth pastor said, "Hey, wanna join the teenagers and I in Haiti?"  I said, "Hm, thanks, I'll pray about it, but NO."  Too late.  The bug was planted.  The infection begun.  The rest of my life began playing out in that one, simple question.  "Wanna go to Haiti?"

I almost cry when I think about what happened that week.  He asked me on a Sunday.  I had a MILLION reasons not to go.  It's stinking HOT in Haiti.  Teenagers?  I work with adults.  Work.  Money.  Health.  One by one, God addressed the issues.  My boss COMMANDED me to go.  Coworkers stepped up and said, "I can't go, but because you're following God, I'll help YOU go."  God told me that it was time to start living the way the rest of my life is going to be.  So I'm going.  That Thursday night, after receiving massive confirmation, I emailed the youth pastor and said, "I'm in."  That moment.  That one, crazy moment.

You know what's happened?  I've had MULTIPLE people tell me they've never seen me this happy.  I've never been so sure of a direction in my life.  I feel... buoyant.  Something is pushing me higher and higher.  In those moments, as I was receptive, the Holy Spirit began working, changing, molding.  He's beginning something that I have no control over.  He's completely revolutionizing how I speak, act, behave.  Truths that He has planted in my heart are bubbling forth, with a passion and a zeal that I've only ever prayed for.

That moment?  Those moments?  They're called obedience.

God called and I said, "Yes."  

That's all.

Listen for those moments, friends.  Pay attention!  When they come, have your answer ready: "Yes, Lord!  YES!"

I'm going to HAITI!!!

Dear friends and family,

This spring I have the incredible opportunity to join a group of youth and other adult leaders on a short-term mission trip to the country of Haiti.  I am unbelievably excited, and cannot wait to see what God can do through us as we love on the Haitian people.

We will be involved in drama, music, evangelism, rebuilding, and a myriad of opportunities presented to us, especially as Haiti is still recovering from the earthquake that rocked Port-au-Prince two short years ago.

The trip itself costs approximately $1,800, which doesn’t include the immunizations required to travel to this area of the world (adding up to a few hundred dollars more).  I have already paid for my plane ticket, but still have the other half of the money to raise.

If you would like to be an integral part of this opportunity, there are two things you can do.  I would be extremely grateful for any financial assistance you would like to contribute.  If you would like a tax receipt for your donation, please write your check out to Faith Assembly of Lacey, and attach a note including my name and indicating that it is for my Haiti trip. 

The other way you can support me is through prayer.  I covet any and all prayers over this trip—for our safety, for the organization we will be working with (Mission of Hope: Haiti, www.mohhaiti.org), for the Haitians we will encounter, and for God to work well through us.  We can’t do this without your prayers.

Thank you so much for your support.  I hope that you can sense a bit of the excitement I am feeling!  I am nervous, but cannot wait to see what happens on this trip!

God bless you, and thank you for everything!

(PS - Let me know if you'd like to donate - I can get you addresses and info off line! :))