Why I want to do what I want to do...

I've had lots of people tell me that my dream of having an all-adopted family is "nice," but that I'll be missing out on something (by not wanting to have children naturally).  I understand that this may be true from their perspective, but... This... THIS is why I want to do what I want to do. Please go and watch Xiaoyun's video about why adoption.  Warning... tears... lots of beautiful, heartbreaking, amazing tears.

http://elliourgiftfromgod.blogspot.com/p/xiaoyun-speaks.html

Waiting

So... do YOU ever pray for something, sooo hard... God tells you about it, He stirs your heart so that you yearn for it like you've never yearned for anything before, you learn about it, research it, and generally do your best to GET it... and at the end of the day you're still left empty-handed?

I have.
I DO, actually.

Every day I feel like I'm left at the throne, thankful for what I HAVE, thankful for the dream that He has built in my heart, but left wondering if He ever truly means for it to come true.

Let me say my disclaimer: I know He does. I have no doubt about that. I have no doubt that His plans are better than mine could ever be. It's just hard sometimes, and I'm sure you all can relate to that--to the emotional response.

Part of me is wondering WHY I'm left wanting what He's promised but not yet fulfilled. Maybe it's to remind myself LATER how much i wanted this--you know, when times get tough. Maybe it's to increase my desire--to teach me to love the way HE does, more purely and selflessly. Maybe He is simply using this time to grow ME, to teach me to become more dependent upon Him. Actually, I think all of these things are true. They are definitely happening during this process of waiting, and I am striving to let Him make the best use of my time right NOW.

But.

But I get stuck in comparisons (which He is quick to point out and correct).
But I KNOW that no matter how much I can grow right now, I could be DOING more, CHANGING others' situations so much more.
But I'm left feeling like I am lacking in some vital way... that maybe I'm not good enough or grounded enough or pretty enough or... or enough for Him to trust me.

I fear I am destined to be different. I will always know the meaning of the word "WAIT" - more than others around me. But in the waiting, I know I need to ask myself, "What am I doing to prepare?" When He says "GO" I want to be first in line to answer.

SO Excited

OK, maybe you remember me introducing you to Ni Hao Y'all a few weeks ago. Well, she's doing 30 days of giveaways--so many beautiful, handcrafted items. Guess what? I won!!! :) Check out Suzanne's blog: http://onelessbrokenheart.blogspot.com/ Click on the Family Values Canvas link and check out the pics on the right - aren't they FANTASTIC?!

I'll be working on getting mine done--making it custom colors, words, etc. When I DO get it, I'll post pictures. I'm so excited! Now, you need to know this.... She's using the money she raises from making these signs to help bring her little boy Eli home from Ethiopia!!! You should contact her and check out her signs and aprons!! :)

Snow Day!!!

• Outside of my window…. is snow. And ice. And frozenness. BRRRRRR....
  
• I am thankful for… Christmas movies. I've been watching a LOT of the Hallmark channel. A LOT.
  
• I am thinking about… the fact that my eyeballs hurt and I'm really tired.
  
• I am praying for…my future. My husband, my children... those orphans who don't/won't have a mommy until God lets me into their lives.
  
• My projects for the weekend…Christmas and Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving part is obvious, but I'm starting to decorate for Christmas right now. I just cleaned some parts of my carpet today, so I've got furniture in the middle of the room. When the carpet dries (i.e. tomorrow), I'll have everything rearranged so I can get my Christmas tree next week.
• I am nervous about... The busyness of this next month. Between commitments at church, work, etc., I have to truly focus on God - and the reason WHY I am so busy--how much I love my Jesus and celebrating his birth!!
  

What Do *I* Know of Holy?

The first time I heard the song "What Do I Know of Holy?" by Addison Road on the radio, I really liked it. I thought it was beautiful, but the lyrics really didn't impact me. I learned them, though, and sang along each time I heard it. Then something changed in me...

I've started a new small group this season. It's based on Max Lucado's book, Outlive Your Life.
The study is rooted in the book of Acts. It questions our lives as we are currently living them; asking if we should stay in our safe comfort zones, or if God really meant it when He said that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) We have the decision right now to do something about hunger, poverty, orphans, the unloved, the hurting. WE have the capability. WE DO. YOU and I. RIGHT NOW.

Enter the marriage of "What do I Know of Holy?" and "Outlive Your Life."

"If you touched my face, would I know You? Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?" If I am doing nothing for the hurting in my community, in our world... what DO I know of His holiness? I DO know the stories; I CAN talk about His mightiness... but what about His desperate love for those who are DYING TODAY because they aren't being fed, or loved, or clothed. Did you know that in the last 5 minutes, NINETY children have already died of preventable illness?? 90!!! During my half hour lunch, every single day, that means that 540 children are dying... and I am doing almost nothing about it. What DO I know of Holy?

Now... I probably am not going to be able to save 2,160 children each week (the number who die during my lunch break during the 4 days that I work). I know that I make a difference in the life of the little girl I sponsor through Compassion. Many of the people I associate with do more than what most comfortable Americans (even American Christians) would say is "our part." But would God have me, would God have any of us stop there?

Questions that have bombarded me this past week:
* Why have I not re-examined foster care and gotten that process started?
* Why do I feel I have to wait until I am married before I can adopt?
* Why have I never volunteered with the food bank through my church?
* Why do I walk by so many needs in my own community and remain, for the most part, unaffected?

The answers (and resolutions) to these questions are between me and God. However, here is the question to YOU:

When your grandchildren discover you lived during a day in which 1.75 billion people were poor and 1 billion were hungry, how will they judge your response?

A good treat for a good cause

Compassion

Hi all!

Guess what? In just over a month, my sponsored child, Ezra, will be EIGHT years old!!! I can't believe it. I've sponsored her through Compassion - she's actually the second child I've sponsored. the first had to leave the program, I can't remember the reasons. Anyway, I've been sponosring Ezra for... I think three years? Four years? Well, several years.

It's been great... most of you know that I want to adopt kids, especially internationally, when I "grow up." In a way, I feel like I'm contributing to that "cause" by sponsoring a child now. I know that when I begin to adopt, I'd like my kids to help sponsor another child or children. It just... makes sense. I mean... even when I feel broker than broke, I look at everything I have, and I see how much God has blessed me. It's not fair for me to keep that blessing all to myself.

Someday... in all my world travels that I will do, I want to visit her. I want to meet her. I want to give her a hug and tell her that she is not just loved by me and her family and teachers and and friends, she is loved more than anything by the Creator of life... and to pass on a little bit of that blessing that I mentioned above.

If you've never sponsored a child, I recommend it. It's... it's good. That's a simple discription, but... that's what God used to describe the creation of the earth, didn't He? "He saw that it was good." Be a part. :)

Anyway... Happy Birthday, Ezra!!!

Steven Curtis Chapman - Live in This Moment Tour

November 1, Jann and I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman, Live in This Moment tour just south of Portland, Oregon. It was excellent, of course. :)

Below are some pics, and I even got them posted in chronological order! Bethany Dillon and Sanctus Real opened for Steven - both were great; I'm thinking of getting some of Bethany's music, too. I liked her voice, music, and words.

Steven was touring with his sons, Caleb and Will Franklin, so you get pictures of them, too. Can you imagine the craziness that happens on the Chapman bus?

Our concert raised over $3000 for Shaohannah's Hope. We got to help one family bring home a child!

PLUS, I got to go on stage - check out the pics! If this concert is coming anywhere near you, GO - it's fantastic!

Why do I want God to speak to me?

Why do I want God to speak to me?
~copied from the Shaohannah's Hope blog on MySpace.


"...a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!' When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified." – Matthew 17:5-6

Why do I so often ask God to speak to me? Am I even slightly aware of what that might mean for my life? In much of America, we have re-created God in our own image, and we have decided that God must mean for us to be safe, happy, and successful. Our God probably wants us to work hard, save our money, have a spouse and 2.5 kids, stay away from doing really bad things, and in general blend in with our culture. I am often under the delusion that if God spoke to me, he'd probably say, "You're doing a pretty good job, just do a little better, and you'll be fine." I beg God to speak to me because I am so sure that a God of love will tell me what my itching ears want to hear.

That, however, is not the God of the Bible. Though I could so often flippantly say, "God told me this or that," if I truly heard from God, I might be struck just as the disciples were. Have I ever fallen facedown to the ground, terrified? Maybe I would if I fully comprehended what God was saying to the disciples. Is there anything more terrifying to my daily life than God holding up His Son as an example of a life with which He is pleased and saying, "Listen to him"?

For Jesus was a man who had no place to lay his head: a homeless man who was mocked, beaten and killed. He was despised and rejected, persecuted and neglected; he gave away more than he took; he forgave more than he condemned; he humbled himself more than he fought to get noticed. And listen to Jesus? This is the guy who said wash people's feet, love your enemies, and if someone mistreats you, let them—in fact, turn the other cheek and help them take advantage of you! This is the guy who told one man to give to the poor all that he had, and told another man not to go back and say goodbye to his family before following him. He specifically said that I must take up my cross in order to follow him. What if I really listened to what Jesus said?

If I am honest with myself, I am not really listening to God. What he says is so hard, and what it might really mean to encounter God would certainly humble me to a point that would be uncomfortable… would a loving God really want me to be uncomfortable?

"God almighty, eternal, righteous and merciful, may we poor sinners carry out your will and always do what pleases you. May we be so inwardly purified, enlightened, and alight with the fire of the Holy Spirit that we follow in the footsteps of your well-beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ." -Francis of Assisi