One Thing

As part of my #dosummer2015 challenge, I've been reading a lot more. My soul is being quenched! One of the books I've recently finished is the book The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Peter Scazzero.

Honestly... I was nervous about reading it, but now that I'm done, I highly recommend it. It challenged me in very personal ways, in ways involved in the Church--if you're a leader, I think you should get your hands on it.

Peter Scazzero was a senior pastor of a large church when he realized that there was a lot of "stuff" in his own life that he needed to work out. In order to do that, he and his wife took several months off--not pastoring, not leading a ministry, not in the church. In his reflection about that time, he had some surprising thoughts:

"God met us in profound ways. I recognized that I was still too active and my first work was to seek him above all else, not to be a pastor/leader (cf. Ps. 27:4)."

I read this sentence.

Then I read it again.

Finally on the third try, I set down the book. I started thinking.

Above all else, Peter was called to be a follower of Jesus. The end. Out of that relationship would flow his job as a pastor, his leadership abilities, his administrative skills (or lack thereof). First and foremost, he was to follow Jesus.

He references Paslm 27:4.
The one thing I ask of the Lord—
    the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
    delighting in the Lord’s perfections
    and meditating in his Temple.

The Psalmist doesn't say, "One thing I seek most--to preach every Sunday and be the spiritual leader of thousands of people." The Psalmists "one thing" was to spend time with God. The end. To be with the Lord, living with Him, delighting in Him, learning about Him, breathing the same air He does.

Peter and his wife, in taking time away from what they thought their "one thing" was, realized how wrong they'd been.

When I read this, I had to put the book down. I was forced to pause.

I love Jesus with every fiber of my being. I will follow Him forever. I've seen what else is offered there, waivered on my descision, questioned my faith and His faithfulness, and know that without a doubt He is the One I choose because He chose me.

But... I've spent so much of my life waiting. Waiting to be a pastor. Waiting to let my skills and abilities work themselves out in the Church. Waiting for the accountability and responsibility that comes from a life in ministry that is different than a volunteer role in a church.

Waiting.

Feeling unwanted at times. Feeling unimportant--struggling with my own pride. Trying to do the best I could do in the positions I was granted. Flourishing and failing. All the while... waiting.

And here I am, in a brand new church start-up that I love dearly, surrounded by people who I care about, excited for what we are doing in our beautiful, vibrant city, thrilled to say finally!, and then...

"I recognized that I was still too active and my first work was to seek him above all else,
not to be a pastor/leader."

Right. Right, I knew that.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. ~ Matthew 6:33

Seek. Jesus. First.

My main requirement in life, my "one thing" is not to lead, to pastor, to preach, to set up communion, or do the budget (though I happily do those things!). My "one thing" is to seek Jesus. To know Him better today than I did yesterday because I, like the psalmist, sat in the house of the Lord. I cannot lead others unless it is an outflow of that time.

And when I spend that time with Jesus, when my "one thing" is centered where it should be, perhaps I, too, will be saying, "God met us in profound ways."

#dosummer2015

15 minutes. 900 seconds dedicated to one thing. One goal. One achievement. On purpose.

It's no big deal, really. I mean, we have 1,425 other minutes in the day in which to sleep, eat, watch TV, work, clean, be bored, and so on.

It's JUST 15 minutes.

That's not true, though. If it were just 15 minutes, we'd do it without needing any prompting. Well, maybe you wouldn't need the prompting but I sure do.

That's what #dosummer2015 is all about. It's 15 minutes at a time, doing something.

From June 8, 2015 - September 8, 2015, a whole tribe of people are committing to doing something that they need to work on for 15 minutes at a time, 100 times. That means that in a 3 month period, each person will spend 25 hours improving a skill, honing a discipline, learning something new.

I'm a lazy Type-A personality. I know, the words "lazy" and "Type-A" should not be in the same sentence, but for whatever reason, they do in my life! I'll happily binge-watch my favorite shows on Netflix when there are things to do, if I don't have the motivation or determination to do them. With a little kick, though, I'm off--and there's no stopping me!

The great thing for me is that, usually, I'm in competition with myself! That's why #dosomething2015 is so great for me. I have checklists! I have specific goals! And if I fail, it all comes down on me--so I WILL NOT FAIL!!! (Imagine a big, echoey, movie voice yelling that!)

That means, I'm sharing, for all the world to see, what my three categories are this summer. (That
means I can write about them later!) Drumroll, please...

Coming in category one, I will be spending 25 hours in focus, directed prayer this summer! This is, embarassingly, much harder than it looks. I will update you on how the journey goes.

Coming in category two, I will be spending 25 hours reading this summer! I've always been an avid reader, but over the last few years have gotten out of the practice of reading for both growth and enjoyment.

And finally, in category three, I will be spending 25 hours writing this summer! I have large writing goals for this year and for my life. You can't call yourself a writer and not write!

Be prepared to hear more about this over the next 3 months. I'm so excited! I've already learned a lot and I'm not even a week in! Will you join me? dosummer2015.com - sign up and download the checklist today!!!!

Beautiful Gifts - May 31

Ann Voskamp wrote a revolutionary book called 1000 Gifts a few years ago. I call it revolutionary because I never imagined that giving thanks for something could actually change people's lives. However... According to Ann, research as proven that people are 25% happier when they are actively grateful. And according to ME, my life is infinitely better when I live in an attitude of giving thanks every day, as opposed to griping every day.

That means that, in order for me to live my best year yet, I need to be grateful. Every day. Every week.

I certainly hope you will join me. I want to use Ann's list as a prompt to think outside of the normal, to reach further than where I would tend to go.  I may not go there every day, but I will use it as a resource. Prepare for a lovely list, and some fun stories as I add to MY list of Gifts!

3 Gifts Found in Church
1) Encouragement
2) Love and Growth
3) "I missed you!" A few weeks ago, I had to miss our church gathering because I had progressed to the District level for Toastmasters and had to go to California for our District Conference. When I came back the next weekend, I saw my four-year-old friend, C. The moment she got out of the car, she ran to me and said, "Emily! I missed you so much!" You can't beat that.

3 Gifts in Today's Work
This is ironic since Today's Work was church!
1) Air-Conditioning. When it's 102 degrees for the first time of the year, and your church is a start-up that meets in a theater, you're grateful that there is cold air to dry the sweat of your hard work!
2) People who care about seeing everyone free. We had the founder of FREE International join us today to talk about sex trafficking and how we can help. If you want to join us in helping to create a home for young girls who have been rescued from the sex trade to go to recover and heal, please go to www.soughtchurch.com/give, and give to Beyond Us. We're raising $10,000 this year.
3) Promise

2700 Days

I just did the math.

2700 days.  That's what today marks.

From January 1, 2008, to May 23, 2015.  2700 days.
7 years, 4 months, 23 days.

Have you ever started a "good for you" habit and expected it to last longer than a month? Most of those habits seem to drop off our radar the first day we "forget" about them or just run out of time during the day.

On January 1, 2008, however, I started a habit that would change my life. I challenged myself to read my Bible every single day for 31 days. One month of commitment. During that time I read the book of Matthew. 28 chapters in 31 days. Reading something every single day.

Today is 2700 days later. I'm reading a brand new Bible this year with the goal of finishing it in the year. Every day I find nuggets that impact me in completely new ways.

Every day, it is an act of obedience. More than that, however, it's an act of love. Some days I don't feel like reading. Some MONTHS I don't feel like reading. I do it anyway.

Sometimes I don't FEEL God close to me. I read it anyway.

Sometimes I am sick. Or don't get home until midnight. Or have surgery. I read it anyway.

I didn't know a discipline could change your life. It does.

I am more rooted in Jesus, more able to hear and understand what He is sharing with me, because I have determined that I would be reading the Bible every single day. I've been comforted, disciplined, loved, bored, rebuked, encouraged, applauded, able to encourage others, and so much more because of a few minutes at the end of each and every day.

There is always an excuse not to read. Every. Single. Day. Do it anyway.

#RedLipNation

Some women that I hang out with online have started a new trend.  Our roles are typically seen as conservative, so our trend is... refreshing. Scary. And downright gorgeous.

These women--pastors, leaders, mothers, executives, peace-keepers, movers and shakers--keep stepping up, one by one, to reach out of their comfort zone.

Many of us have uttered the words, "I've never done this before..." Often, those words are preceded by one amazing feat--red lipstick.

I know.  You're thinking, "Emily. This post is about MAKEUP?"

Seriously, keep reading.

I wear chapstick every day. That's mostly the extent of my lip color (i.e. there IS no color).  When this discussion about wearing red lipstick started, my first thought was, "Um, I could NEVER get away with that."  But I kept seeing pictures of the most beautiful, brave women. Red lips out there, speaking words with confidence and grace.

Finally, I thought I needed to try it. I wanted to be brave. Because wearing my chapstick is NOT brave.  Wearing my chapstick hides me, helps me blend in. Having red lips makes me stand out--or at least feel like I'm standing out. And while I want to stand out in many ways (I love the spotlight!), my lips were never a way I wanted to do that!

Monday night, I went to Ulta.  (That's a makeup store. I live 5 minutes from it, it's HUGE, and I'd seriously never heard of it before.) I got some help from a girl there and went home with 3 lip colors and a lip liner. The next morning, I wore red lipstick to a minister's breakfast.

I.
Was.
Terrified.

But no one kicked me out. No one took away my credentials. No one called me a hooker.

I sat there, singing and praying, and listening to what God was doing, and I felt grateful. Strangely enough, in that bravery, fighting back the fear of what others would think of me, I felt like I was more the woman that God had created me to be. Bold. Fearless (or at least able to conquer fear). Brave.

Joshua 1:9 tells us to "be strong and courageous." No, Joshua was not talking about wearing red lipstick. But... I felt that way when I put it on. I know that red lipstick doesn't cause the Lord to go with me wherever I go, but my insecurity meant that I had to put 100% of my worth, value, everything on HIM, not on me. And that's a LOT scarier than smearing a little NYX Butter Lipstick in Licorice on my mouth.

If you don't normally wear red lipstick (and you're a woman!), go find a shade that fits you and try it. If you do, or you're a guy, try something else that brings you out of your comfort zone. You'll quickly realize just how much you need to depend on Jesus to breathe calmly when you wonder if other people are judging you, concerned about you, or... don't even care about the change.  Join the #redlipnation!

Go check out my guest blog!

I had the awesome opportunity to blog again with some of my favorite people, The Preacher Girls, last week.  You should check out my blog and then watch theirs regularly!!

What are your goals?

I hate resolutions.  Seriously.  Resolutions are so often ridiculous and rarely, if ever, kept.

However… I need some kind of pressure to be motivated to DO anything, so I like goals.  Tasks.  Things that need to be accomplished WITH a due date.  And a new year is a really good time to set year-long goals.

Unfortunately, that just happens to coincide with New Year’s Resolutions.  Phoey.

Let’s review some of what makes a good goal.

It’s specific.  It’s not, “Exercise more.”  It’s, “Be able to run a mile without stopping.”

It’s achievable.  It’s not, “Read 500 400+ page books.”  It’s, “Read at least 2 books a month.”

It’s challenging.  It’s not, “Speak in Toastmasters when I can.”  It’s, “Compete in a Toastmaster’s speech competition.”

I’m trying to evaluate my life and find goals that touch multiple areas.  I probably have more goals established than I should, but mine have become very specific--that Toastmaster’s competition one is real, folks.  I also still have a couple vague ideas that sound a lot like resolutions that I’m trying to figure out how to make into a goal.  I like that process, though.  It means that I get to spend time with the goal before I commit to it.  See if it is something I want to have happen this year.  If it fits my vision for the upcoming year, maybe if it fits where the church is going for the year, and what is happening in my life.  There are a lot of very good goals out there that I have not adopted, simply because they’re not a fit right now.

So what are your goals for 2015?  This isn’t my entire list, but here are a few of mine:

• Read at least 12 books this year, 6 novels, 6 ministry-specific (I get distracted very easily lately, so I need to remember that I LOVE reading)
• Compete in a Toastmaster’s speech competition
• Blog at least once a week for one year (started this month!)

Share your list!

Lives Matter

I have a confession to make.  I don't know everything.

I realize that's a shock, but it's true.  As a sign language interpreter I feel like I get surface knowledge of almost everything under the sun, but sometimes the things I learn just barely scratch the surface of deep issues.

I wanted to make sure you all knew that before I dove in here today.  I don't know everything.  This post isn't about how much I know.  It isn't about who is right or wrong in situations.  It's not a news source.  It is, however, a way for me to process my thoughts and some of the thoughts of those I interact with.  Thoughts about what?

Black Lives Matter.

Ever since the decision not to indite the officer in the death of Michael Brown, I've seen the hashtag #blacklivesmatter all over my Facebook and Twitter feed.  In doing some research, I found that the hashtag actually started in 2012 after the controversy over Trayvon Martin's death.

When I first saw it, I felt unsettled.  Not because I don't believe Black lives matter.  Simply because I feel like ALL life matters.  I struggled with the fact that people were emphasizing that the lives of Black people were important, when it felt like it could be fueling the flame of anger both from the Black community and against it.  Every time I saw #blacklivesmatter, I thought #alllivesmatter.

My problem here is that once I thought #alllivesmatter, I moved on to another story.  Yes, the violence that has happened affects me, but it affects me in the way that Hurricane Sandy affected me.  I was very sad for everyone involved, I sent some money in to help rebuild, I said a few prayers for people, and then I went to my job.  I had no real change in my life as a result of it.  That's how I've responded when seeing #blacklivesmatter.  My heart hurts for those affected.  I'm irritated by protesters laying down on freeways because they're putting lives at risk.  I pray for our country to work together to solve this issue.  And then I watch the next episode of Once Upon a Time.

Nothing changes.

Nothing changes except that I'm still bothered by the hashtag, because all lives matter.

And then I read through a conversation today about this very topic and something someone said struck me.  He seemed to come from the same view that I had been having, and asked if we were going to call out every sect of life... #asianlivesmatter, #womenslivesmatter, etc.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Because I fight for women's equality in every aspect of life.  Home, church, internationally, etc.  I get angry when people (who aren't directly affected by this) say it's not that big of a deal when I see my sisters hurting.  When I saw #womenslivesmatter, I suddenly felt a kinship with the phrase #blacklivesmatter.

It's not the same.  Not at ALL.  I would never assume it is.  We're talking about momma's losing their babies, about people growing up in poverty and not knowing how to get out.  We're talking life and death here.

I finally understood, however, that #blacklivesmatter is not saying Black lives matter MORE.  It is saying that Black lives matter WITH everyone else's life.  And it doesn't matter if I agree with court decisions or not, if I'm Black, White, Middle-Eastern, or a Time Lord.  It matters that I can stand and say, "I understand you are hurting.  I will pray for your community.  I will be a peace-maker where I can.  I love and respect you as a fellow human being."

These are things that would come out of the mouth of Jesus if He were living in the middle of the United States today.  These are things that the Bible talks about: "Blessed are the peacemakers."  Jesus came for the broken.  He walked away from the self-righteous who said they didn't need healing, and cried with those who were broken and hurting.  He loved people.  He was revolutionary, because He connected with people where they were, and then allowed them to grow with Him.

And so that is my new prayer for our country.  That Jesus would be able to connect with those who are broken and hurting and angry.  That His voice would be voice they hear, both deep in their hearts and spoken loudly on the streets, in the churches, and yes, all over Facebook.  And then I pray that He would lead each hurting heart on a journey toward healing and freedom in Him.  Allowing people to work together to create healthy change, in personal lives and across our country.  I pray that #blacklivesmatter would become a resounding shout of the goodness of what God can do in people who are willing to listen.

I will pick up the banner of my friends and colleagues.  I will not pretend to understand what it feels like, but I will say that I care and will stand with them.  I will tell people that their lives matter.  And I will pray for Jesus to heal open wounds.  Why?

Because lives DO matter.

Silence

Silence is a funny concept.  Really, it just means that things are quiet.  But in our life, it can represent so much more.

For example, I've had the TV on all morning while I was cleaning up, working around the house, doing my budget.  There's an Andy Griffeth marathon on this weekend, and it's great background TV.  I just turned it off, though, to come here, and in the silence I hear the sounds of home and summer.  The refrigerator, the cats' water fountain, cicadas outside (that's a new one for me, the Washington girl).

I've been silent on my blog for a few months, too.  My last post was from February.  There's a reason I haven't posted since then:  March.  In a very short period I injured my knee, got bronchitis (for weeks!), had my identity stolen, 2 family members very close to me had heart attacks, one of those soon after broke his kneecap, my apartment was broken into and items stolen, and more. 

It was overwhelming.
It was exhausting.
I was living in a mixture of fear and faith and confusion.

And while I was silent here, I couldn't be silent in real life.

The moment silence settled, fear or anxiety overwhelmed me.  In a group of friends, at work, at home alone.  My heart would race, tears would fall, I would envision the night I came home to my door busted open.

The problem is that a lot of prayer involves silence.  When you can't pause, when you can't take a quiet breath, it's almost impossible to hear from God.  When you have to drown out YOUR voice with music or TV or talking, you also drown out the only One who can truly give you comfort.

During this time I found a new tool to add to my arsenal.  It's called Praying in Color, and it allows me to draw, write, and color my prayers.  The first time I did it, I wrote out a verse that had impacted me and doodled around it... as I was doodling, I chose colors and shapes that represented what I wanted to pray.  I thought through the words that God had been trying to speak with me.  An hour later--a SILENT hour later, I ended up, not with a masterpiece, but with evidence that though I was still struggling, God was continuing to love me.

There are people in my life right now who are experiencing things far worse than my horrible month.  Things I wish I could take away, but I can't.  Even so, what I felt was real.  What you are feeling, whatever you're experiencing, is real. 

For me it was the silence that felt like it was strangling.  But God showed me a way out of the suffocating, anxiety-causing, fear that wrapped around me in the silence.  He will for you, too. 

If you're stuck in fear, stuck and feeling like you're sinking, take a deep breath.  It might happen right away, it might take a long time. 

But He is yearning for you. 
He is seeking you. 
You need to reach. 
Breathe. 

He has a way out, even if it's hard.  Maybe it's something as simple as praying in color.  Maybe it's filling your silence with quiet music until you can be in peace.   Just keep trying.

Sense of Smell

I remember when I lived in Minnesota and used to walk to work.  There was a parking lot in the middle of Minneapolis that I managed to cross every single day, just because I could smell the new pavement and I knew it reminded me of something--something near to my heart, but something I couldn't put a finger on.  Day after day, through the hot sun, I would trudge across the lot, inhaling deeply, trying to drown out the smell of exhaust and city and focus solely on that one olfactory memory.  Months went by.  One day, in the middle of the parking lot, something changed.  I'm not sure if it was the clanging of a bus that sounded like another form of transportation, if it was the hot spring wind blowing on me reminding me of summer days, or if my memory simply decided to disclose this delicious secret, but I knew... I was smelling the tar from the pavement baking in the sun, reminding me of days as a toddler spent around the docks on our sailboat.  I was smelling the creosote on the wood of those docks and it was reassuring, familiar... HOME.

I hadn't been on a sailboat since I was little.  Obviously not recently enough to recognize the smell.  But the memory it evoked... THAT was still real, still present.

There are many smells out there that bring me HOME like that tar smell did...  The smell of rain.  Hay and llamas.  Blackberry blossoms at the first hint of summer.  When I catch the scent of these, I physically stop and inhale... I let my body absorb the emotion associated with them.

The last few weeks, as I walk out of my new workplace, I pause.  I don't smell the damp air like I did in

Washington.  I smell something different, something new.  It makes me stop and breathe deeply because in it not only do I smell the desert, the dry, sun-baked ground, the plants flourishing even in the middle of winter, but I also smell change and hope and new life.  This is a memory I want seared in my brain.  Something exciting to come.  I call it the smell of anticipation.

Welcome Home

I flew in to Las Vegas on Tuesday night for a whirlwhind trip to find somewhere to live when I move down next month.

I was skeptical.
I was concerned.
I was afraid that I was going to get here and suddenly have this "I've made a TERRIBLE MISTAKE" feeling in the pit of my stomach.

You can see why I was a little nervous. 

My flight in landed around 6 pm, so it was fully dark by the time I was over Southern Nevada.  I was reading on the plane, wondering what would happen over the next two days, and generally succeeding at distracting myself.

But then I got this gut feeling that it was time to put the Nook away.  I closed it up.  Turned off the light.  And stared out into the black nothingness that is the desert at night.

There was a sound elsewhere on the plane and I glanced back.  As I turned my face back to the window, the edge of the lights in the North Las Vegas area began to creep into view.
My breath caught.
I strained to see more--specifically the Downtown area.
And I thought... "Home."

I don't know HOW this crazy neon town is becoming my home while I don't even live here, but it is.  I guess it has something to do with Jesus.

Giving

One of the best parts about taking a leap of faith is that often it requires a team of people.  People supporting
you, praying for you... and sometimes giving.

I've been asked by several people, "Can I help you financially?"  Every time someone says those words I'm surprised... and HONORED.  This isn't a "Please give to me!" post.  This is a post that explains how to give if you want to.  I'll have two options to do so.

OPTION ONE

Make a donation directly to my PayPal account.  It's simple and easy.  It is a donation directly to me, so you won't receive any tax benefits for this.  I will transfer this money into my moving account and use it for moving expenses.

• To make a PayPal donation go to this link: https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/mpp/send-money-online  (Or go to www.paypal.com, hover over "Transfer," then click "Send Someone Money")
• Type in your email, my email (emilyshill at gmail dot com), and the amount you'd like to give.
• PayPal will walk you through the rest.  It's FREE to give if you have a PayPal account or enter your bank account.  There's a small fee for use of a credit or debit card.

OPTION TWO
Make a donation to Sought Church in order to receive tax credit.  We are still working on the logistics for tax exempt status, so all donations will go through the District.

 

• Go to:  https://agncn.webconnex.com/eGive
• Scroll down to "Other" and type the amount in the corresponding box and pick the appropriate drop down option
• In the Memo box type: "Sought Church Moving"
• Complete all the Donor and Billing Information, then click "Submit"
• When you receive confirmation of your donation, email that confirmation to jakem at soughtchurch dot com (This has to be completed because the donation is combined with other donations to the church and the Network is unable to separate donations)

 

THANK YOU.
Seriously.
There are a lot of expenses associated with this move, but I'm doing my best to follow where God is leading.  I've been so blessed by people wanting to pray for me and encourage me, and I'm shocked when people say they want to give.  It's incredible...  You are all incredible.

Seven Times? Really?

Last year I read the book The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  I'm currently in the middle of his Draw the Circle, a 40-day (ahem, or 3 month) devotional about prayer and seeking what God is doing in our lives.  The premise of the book and devotional is to be focused, specific, and dream big in our prayers.  (Read it - seriously... it's life changing.)  I won't get into too much of it here, but because of drawing circles in my life, something happened today.

I'm praying about something very specific related to this move to Las Vegas.  Something that I can do nothing in my own power to change--but that has to be changed in order for me to move.  It's actually caused my fear to rise and try to consume my faith.

But then God spoke last night.

I didn't hear an audible voice--I never have, actually.  However, I felt something deep in my heart say, "Start a prayer walk.  Circle this problem... not just in your words, but physically go outside and walk circles around it."

Folks, I am NOT a prayer walker.  I have tried.  For years.  I get about 27 seconds in and then I'm smelling a tree branch, laughing at a neighbor's dog, or creating a grocery list in my head.  I just can't focus!

This was pretty clear, however.  So I did it. 

I thought of the Israelites in Joshua 6.  God told them to circle the city of Jericho, to march around it once a day for 6 days and then on the 7th day, they'd march around 7 times... and the city would fall.  It would be theirs.  God would get the victory.  I didn't get the whole seven thing, but... I did it anyway.
So I went outside.
I started walking.
And I figured out why God said to go around the city SEVEN times.

• On trip number one around your problem, you're doing it because you're told to.  It's easy to walk around something once.  
• On trips two and three, you're just marching along.  Looking at the pretty tree.  Avoiding those pesky fall spiders.
• By trip four (or was it five?), you start losing count and you're realizing the people are looking at you.  The kids playing outside are wondering about the crazy woman circling them.  The neighbors are looking out their windows.
• On trip six, you know that you'd better change the path you're taking or the neighbors are going to call the police.  But then you get an idea... something slightly different to pray for about your problem, and you bring it to the throne.
• But then trip seven starts and you're talking to God and you say, "God... I actually BELIEVE You can do something here.  I BELIEVE that You have something better planned and I'm going to think even BIGGER than I've been thinking because the bigger the answer to prayer, the more glory You get."

It takes seven trips around your Jericho because that's how long it takes for you to actually BELIEVE.

My problem feels insurmountable.  It really does.
But when I start marching around it and realizing that God is the one in control of this move--that HE is the one who wanted me to do this in the first place?  Well, it may take me awhile... but that's when I start to believe.

The Microphone

I love the microphone.  Seriously.  Stick a microphone in my hand and I'm happy.  It doesn't really matter why.

 

"Do announcements?"  YES!  

"Emcee an event?"  ABSOLUTELY!  

"Preach a sermon?" COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!

There's so much more to life than holding a microphone, but I get that special tingle in my fingers and twinkle in my eye when I press the "on" button and take my first breath.  At that moment, anything could happen.  I could make people laugh or cry.  God could use the words He gives me to touch someone's life profoundly.  I could become an impromptu comedian when the schedule goes awry.  There is no end to the magic that can happen when you're holding a microphone.


That's why I was so surprised last night.  I was at my church's Believer's Gathering.  When the pastor called for testimonies of what God is up to, I raised my hand.  As an usher put the microphone in that raised hand, emotion swelled up inside of me.  That usually confident first breath felt shaky.  "I'm moving to Las Vegas!" I proclaimed.  I began to tell of what God was doing, both in my life and in my future home, and I felt the tears well up inside.

Tears of nervousness and fear.
Tears of excitement. Of joy.
Tears of gratitude.

When I took the microphone last night, my confidence was no longer in ME.  My confidence wasn't in whether I had a joke or anecdote to fill any awkward silences.  It wasn't in if I'd done enough homework about the city of Corinth or whatever topic I was teaching on.  My confidence was in an unseen and yet all-knowing Savior--the Lord of my life and of this move.

I've never doubted myself as much as I have over the last month in my entire life.
Can I DO this?
Will I have enough money?
What the heck am I THINKING?!
(BTW, the answers are No, No, and I have no idea!)

The thing is...  as much as I doubt myself, I don't doubt GOD.  HE has never proven Himself unfaithful.  HE is the one who can orchestrate everything.  He is the one whom I will follow.  No matter where He leads.  If it's to the desert, so be it.

So the next time I go to pick up the microphone, I get to remember this one astounding fact... My God has plans for me.  And plans for you.  And if that brings tears and shaky breath and sorrow and joy?  Well, what a beautiful story that will be.

The Pain of Preparation

SO.  I'm moving to Las Vegas.  What the heck???  I'm joining Sought Church while there and I'm super excited!  And a little nervous.  And wanting to procrastinate on the preparation, big time.

I have a 2 bedroom house to pack.  That means packing, but also giving things away, selling things, and throwing things in the garbage.  I've already made one trip out to the recycle bin, and have a bookshelf on my front porch to throw away.  Plus, I have to prep my house for the next phase of life--being a landlord.

I'm realizing that I'm VERY skilled at one thing through all of this... procrastination.  Seriously.  I just want to wiggle my nose like Jeannie and have it all done.  Then I can just MOVE and get on with life instead of living in the most transition I've ever thought I could be in.

But...  If I'm going to fulfill what God is doing in my life, I have to ignore my amazing skill at putting things off and work, work hard to get ready.  And I have to sacrifice things that... well, honestly I don't want to sacrifice.

Even though I live with a lot of THINGS that I don't necessarily want, they're comfortable.  They're mine.  When was the last time I sat in my rocking chair?  Ummm... a few years ago.  Yes, company has sat in it a few times, but at Christmas, when there's actually PEOPLE here, upstairs it goes to make room for the tree!  It's not important.  So out it goes...  Maybe I'll get a few bucks for it on Craigslist.

I see the same thing happen in my life.  Sometimes the traits that I cherish as part of ME are really something that God is saying, "Hey, Kid... it's time to throw that in the dumpster."  Perfectionism.  Sarcasm.  Control.  Anger.  Whatever it is, He reminds me that it's always time to do some rearranging in my soul.  That "couch" that I've sat on for so long?  It's dirty and disgusting and filled with negative self-talk.  It's time to toss it in the dumpster and instead go on a prayer walk.

You don't have to physically MOVE for God to remind you of this.  What is rattling around in YOUR head, comfortable and known, but toxic to who you are supposed to be, that God is telling you, "TOSS IT OUT!"??

Freefalling

Sometimes I think I live a very boring life.
A life of predictability.  Of normalcy.  Of average-ness.

And then God says, that He will direct His angels to guard me wherever I go (Psalm 91:11).  I still wonder...  He's guarding me, but... I'm so average.

And then something crazy happens.

God says, "Take a leap of faith!"

And I jump off the hugest building I've ever jumped off before and find that I somehow landed higher than I started.  But my life is pretty boring.  Still.  It's normal.  At least, that's how it feels.

But in between the excitement and the normalcy, He reminds me that no matter the season, no matter the time, no matter the anything, He remains the same.  A constant.  And that is certainly not boring.  (Hebrews 13:8)

And all the while, I get to climb up the stairs because the elevator is too full.  I think my life is average.  But truly... it cannot be average because it is the Lord who is leading.  Step after step I climb.

Finally, I come to a rooftop.  A building much higher than before.  It's much more frightening to look over the edge, but I know the only way up is to jump down.

And so...
              I leap.

I'm freefalling right now.
My heart is in my chest.  I can't breathe.  Everything is a whir around me and inside me.

And I know that no matter what happens... I will land higher than I started.  And I will look around and see all the buildings that are taller than I am...

And start climbing again.

When God Says "NO"

I've been given some options lately that I haven't known what to do with.  These are potential opportunities that would be incredible--and could move me into the place where God wants me.  It's exciting to even THINK about the options in front of me... And TERRIFYING, as well!

The scary part for me isn't so much the idea of change--I LOVE change, and would thrive on constant change, if possible.  The scary part of me is that we live our life of faith by just that--FAITH.  It means that the decisions I make in my life are not guaranteed.  I do the best I can with the understanding that I have and then leave the rest up to God.

And for a reformed control freak - that's HARD.

So God gave me a challenge.  And if God gives you a challenge, you'd better do it.

My challenge was to document the major decisions in my adult life, and to examine how I came to make the decisions I made.

The list began:
Going to North Central
Quitting my job
Haiti
Facilitating Freedom Session for a second year

On and on I wrote about how God communicated with me.  And two things became clear:
1) For all of these decisions, I KNEW.  Something deep in my gut told me what the right decision was, and I knew that I had to follow it--no matter what other people said or did.  Some of them happened instantaneously (like Haiti--I knew the night I was asked to go, even though I didn't admit it for a few days).  Others took years (like quitting my job--I'd wanted to for a long time, but it wasn't until last fall that I was released to do so).  But no matter how long it took to get to the point of knowing, I knew.  And the end result is that my life was changed--AND the lives of the people I interact with.

2) Knowing the answer often meant knowing what NOT to do more than what TO do.  Last year, I wasn't totally sure that I wanted to facilitate Freedom Session again.  I didn't have a clear answer of whether I should or should not be a facilitator for awhile.  Then Ken, the founder of Freedom Session, came to our church to preach--and I realized what life would be if I did NOT facilitate... and recognized that as disobedience.  I've had multiple decisions like that--where DISOBEDIENCE was sometimes easier to see than OBEDIENCE.

So what does that mean for me right now?
I get to pray some more.  A LOT more.  And it's encouraging.  Because it means that if I'm open to hear when God is saying "YES" or "NO," I will hear.  I don't have to push for a decision.  I don't have to force it.  God will clearly say, "Yes, do this," in His way.

It just may sound (to me) a lot like, "NO-you can't do that anymore."

When the Church is Full

Our packed Saturday night service!

Church on Easter is a remarkable thing.  Not only do churches try to ensure that everything from the number of greeters to the special music is spot on, the church, in general, expects record numbers of attendance.

People who say they "go" to church, but only attend a few times a year pop out of the woodwork.  Folks who think, "Hm... maybe I should see what this is about," or "I should do a 'good' thing on Easter" show up.  Friends of regular attenders come, dressed in their Easter best.  Rooms are crammed, kids' teachers have their hands full, and seats can be hard to find.

Those of us who go to church on the dreary weekends in February and stunningly beautiful weekends in August know that the building is packed far more than usual.  Those who don't regularly come assume that they're not the only ones making the trek to the packed house of God.

The thing is...  If the Church (meaning the people in the church, not the building itself) is telling God's story...  I'm thrilled that those who don't normally step foot in the building decided to for one day.  You know why?

God is up to something.

God is always up to something.  He has a story to tell... about real lives transformed and a HOPE that so many people have lost, forgotten, or never known.

And as a Church (again, the people, not the building) it is our responsibility to share that hope, that story.  If it means smiling at people, shaking their hands, and turning on the air conditioning (all things I got to do this weekend!), or if it means standing on the platform showing how a REAL person has found grace, hope, and redemption, we've all done our part to tell His story.

If you went to church this weekend, I hope you heard part of that story.  If you didn't go this weekend, He still wants to share it with you.

It's pretty incredible.  And I guarantee, whether you were there or not...

God is still up to something!

What Opportunities Look Like

Many of you know that I quit my job in November/December in the hopes that God would move me into ministry.  I had a hope of a part-time job that would pay the bills until something opened up--either part-time (to pair with the other job) or full-time.  Secretly, however, I wanted everything to work out perfectly...  You know: announce my resignation one day, be offered the most perfect ministry job the next?

I should know better by now.

God doesn't work that way in my life.  I have heard of story after story of how He's done that for others, but not for me.  For me, for whatever reason, it's about the waiting.  The waiting, which is... really frustrating.  But also... it's reassuring, if I take a really big step back.  (OK, a REALLY big step back!)  God is always up to something in my life, but He always takes His time doing it.  It's part of how I know it's Him working.

So I'm not working in paid ministry.  Opportunities to serve, however, have exploded. 
Seriously.

I have even met with those who have walked this path before, and gleaned so much from their experience.  One of the main lessons I'm learning?

"Whatever you're doing, it's experience.  Use it.  Learn from it.  Grow from it.  

It'll add one more tool to your toolbox."

This is probably some of the best advice I've gotten so far. 

•  That job that isn't ministry, but pays the bills?  Learn from it:  Develop trust before you share your message.
• Teaching those kids?  If you can communicate the truth of God to children, you can communicate it to adults.
• Managing greeters?  Hone your administrative and encouragement sides.  Keep your eyes open and pay attention to the people around you.  Lead a ministry.
• Speaking in church?  Study.  Pray.  Practice.  Figure out which hand YOU need to hold the microphone in.  Be YOU.

There is so much more I'm involved in, and I'm looking around every corner now for the tidbits that I'm learning, the parts that I can glean from each person and experience. 

Colossians 4:5 says to "make the most out of every opportunity."  Challenge accepted!

The Word of the Year for 2013

A few weeks ago, I was inspired by a Compassion International blog post on finding a word of the year.  Something that God wants to use in your life to remind you of who He is, who you are, or what He's up to.

I immediately had a word pop in my head, but thought, "That's FAR too negative of a word.  There's no way that it can be mine for a year."

However, the word kept repeating in my life--it and its opposite...  I would read it in the Bible, hear it in conversation, even speak it's opposite from the platform at church.  Each time, my spirit would leap a little... Whispering, "Yes... YES!  I believe!"

This week I've begun to embrace my word:

It sounds negative, doesn't it?!  Nothing.  When I first started thinking about it, all I could think of was The Nothing from The Neverending Story.  "God?" I asked.  "God, would You give me a word that hopeless?"

Ah, what little understanding I had!


A reminder that it is GOD who we dwell in and who dwells in us. 
 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:5

While the word "nothing" is not written here, it's implied in the list of items.  NOTHING can separate us from the love of God!
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" ~Romans 8:38-39

In Mark 8, when the people listening to Jesus teaching had been there for days with no food, Jesus recognized that they had nothing...  and did a miracle by providing food.  Jesus is STILL in the business of miracles today!

It's opposite, "anything" or "everything" has been impacting me as well.
In Mark 9:23, Jesus says, "Everything is possible for one who believes."

This year, God apparently means to teach me that He is much more powerful and unlimited than I have ever given Him credit for.  And I am unbelievably excited to learn that lesson.