The Art of Not Letting Circumstance Define You

When my alarm went off on Friday morning, the very first thought that ran through my head was this, 

“Now is the time to seize the day. Don’t be afraid and don’t delay. Nothing can break us, no one can make us give our rights away. Arise and seize the day!” 

If you don’t know 90s movie musicals like I do, that’s a song from Newsies. 1992. Christian Bale. Vinnie from Doogie Howser. Bliss. And their voices were in my head. 

No joke. 

I had tickets to see the musical, Newsies, at the Smith Center. I couldn’t wait. I sang the songs from the movie all morning long. My poor co-workers thought I was crazy, as I sang songs about New York and bringing Pulitzer down! 

I was on a high and I couldn’t wait for the curtain to rise. And then it happened. 

I work in a call center. One of the calls that came in was with someone who was both drunk and high. The callers were discussing sensitive issues. I was having a hard time with the call, but thought I could manage... until I took my next break.

Gone were the funny songs. Gone was the laughing and dancing. In their place was a cloud; dark, painful, seeing the worst in humanity.

I tried to shake it off, remembering that this wasn't MY call, it wasn't MY life, and that I serve a God who is much bigger than this. It just wouldn't go away.

Then, when I was almost home, I got a call from a good friend. He and I were discussing church, our goals, how to help people grow and seek Jesus more effectively. When I hung up, I rolled down the window, grinning at the warmth of the sun on my arms, got myself a Cherry Slush from Sonic, and felt like all was right in the world... and prepared to go have the time of my life at Newsies.

What?!
I mean... really?
Am I so fickle... am I so centered on my circumstances, that I let outside events dictate how I feel, and ultimately... who I am?

As I was getting ready that night, I started thinking. Do I really believe what God says? Do I believe what He says about me? About the other people in this world? About Himself?

I know the answers to those questions are "Yes." Maybe I should say, "Yes, mostly."

Because God says that I am the apple of His eye. That I am a treasured work of art--despite external circumstances. God says that He cares so much about the other people in this world--even those who are drunk and high and who people want to give up on--that He was willing to give His own life to bring them to Him. That they, too, are cherished. And He says that He is good, and purposeful, and works things together in the right way (albeit, maybe not the most comfortable way), and that He will never change, ever, and never leave me alone. Ever.

And if I can just learn to rely on THAT truth, instead of the things that I see during the day that can cause all kinds of uproar, I might end up feeling a little less... insane. A little more consistent. A little more the kind of person that He wants to shape me to be.

The more that I seek Jesus, the more these circumstances slide off of me and don't form who I am. The more that I seek Jesus, I see how deeply He is seeking me, and instead of allowing myself to absorb the anger and despair I see every day, I can feel His love and compassion for the circumstances that brought this about. When I'm confronted with the cultural mindset of poverty in the United States, I can choose not to judge, but instead to care. When I see people verbally abusing each other because that's all they've ever been taught, instead of cringing, I can pray. And I can live my life in such a way that can show love to people who've never felt anything other than condemnation and judgement.

This is not easy. This does not come easily to me.
But this is what Jesus would want in our world. More people loving. More people caring about others. More people depending on Him instead of letting our circumstances dictate who we are.

I will not be the same person I was on Friday, because Friday taught me something. Friday taught me that I need Jesus as my rock. So next Friday, when I have a call with someone who is drunk and high, I can commit to take one very difficult step closer to Jesus. I will grow. I will change. I will fight to lean more on Jesus and less on circumstance.

And it will be worth it.

Lives Matter

I have a confession to make.  I don't know everything.

I realize that's a shock, but it's true.  As a sign language interpreter I feel like I get surface knowledge of almost everything under the sun, but sometimes the things I learn just barely scratch the surface of deep issues.

I wanted to make sure you all knew that before I dove in here today.  I don't know everything.  This post isn't about how much I know.  It isn't about who is right or wrong in situations.  It's not a news source.  It is, however, a way for me to process my thoughts and some of the thoughts of those I interact with.  Thoughts about what?

Black Lives Matter.

Ever since the decision not to indite the officer in the death of Michael Brown, I've seen the hashtag #blacklivesmatter all over my Facebook and Twitter feed.  In doing some research, I found that the hashtag actually started in 2012 after the controversy over Trayvon Martin's death.

When I first saw it, I felt unsettled.  Not because I don't believe Black lives matter.  Simply because I feel like ALL life matters.  I struggled with the fact that people were emphasizing that the lives of Black people were important, when it felt like it could be fueling the flame of anger both from the Black community and against it.  Every time I saw #blacklivesmatter, I thought #alllivesmatter.

My problem here is that once I thought #alllivesmatter, I moved on to another story.  Yes, the violence that has happened affects me, but it affects me in the way that Hurricane Sandy affected me.  I was very sad for everyone involved, I sent some money in to help rebuild, I said a few prayers for people, and then I went to my job.  I had no real change in my life as a result of it.  That's how I've responded when seeing #blacklivesmatter.  My heart hurts for those affected.  I'm irritated by protesters laying down on freeways because they're putting lives at risk.  I pray for our country to work together to solve this issue.  And then I watch the next episode of Once Upon a Time.

Nothing changes.

Nothing changes except that I'm still bothered by the hashtag, because all lives matter.

And then I read through a conversation today about this very topic and something someone said struck me.  He seemed to come from the same view that I had been having, and asked if we were going to call out every sect of life... #asianlivesmatter, #womenslivesmatter, etc.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Because I fight for women's equality in every aspect of life.  Home, church, internationally, etc.  I get angry when people (who aren't directly affected by this) say it's not that big of a deal when I see my sisters hurting.  When I saw #womenslivesmatter, I suddenly felt a kinship with the phrase #blacklivesmatter.

It's not the same.  Not at ALL.  I would never assume it is.  We're talking about momma's losing their babies, about people growing up in poverty and not knowing how to get out.  We're talking life and death here.

I finally understood, however, that #blacklivesmatter is not saying Black lives matter MORE.  It is saying that Black lives matter WITH everyone else's life.  And it doesn't matter if I agree with court decisions or not, if I'm Black, White, Middle-Eastern, or a Time Lord.  It matters that I can stand and say, "I understand you are hurting.  I will pray for your community.  I will be a peace-maker where I can.  I love and respect you as a fellow human being."

These are things that would come out of the mouth of Jesus if He were living in the middle of the United States today.  These are things that the Bible talks about: "Blessed are the peacemakers."  Jesus came for the broken.  He walked away from the self-righteous who said they didn't need healing, and cried with those who were broken and hurting.  He loved people.  He was revolutionary, because He connected with people where they were, and then allowed them to grow with Him.

And so that is my new prayer for our country.  That Jesus would be able to connect with those who are broken and hurting and angry.  That His voice would be voice they hear, both deep in their hearts and spoken loudly on the streets, in the churches, and yes, all over Facebook.  And then I pray that He would lead each hurting heart on a journey toward healing and freedom in Him.  Allowing people to work together to create healthy change, in personal lives and across our country.  I pray that #blacklivesmatter would become a resounding shout of the goodness of what God can do in people who are willing to listen.

I will pick up the banner of my friends and colleagues.  I will not pretend to understand what it feels like, but I will say that I care and will stand with them.  I will tell people that their lives matter.  And I will pray for Jesus to heal open wounds.  Why?

Because lives DO matter.

My Heart is Happy

I cannot believe how God is moving in my life.  Honestly, I'm not sure I've ever been so happy or grateful for the things He's doing!

Very soon I'll be in Haiti, with a crazy group of teenagers, sweating all over ourselves.  It's going to be phenomenal.  Some of these teens I've just recently met, others I've known for awhile - but I love them all!  I'm SO very excited to see what God works in their hearts and lives!

I'm also developing a love for the Hatian people...  especially their Deaf community.  If you get a chance, check out Kyle Reschke's blog...  I read what God is doing down there, how He's empowering the Deaf community, and I have tears of joy.  He truly DOES take the lonely and set them in families.  He truly DOES care, desperately, for those that society calls the least.  He truly IS far greater than anything any of us could imagine.

Life is so... unpredictable.  Who knew?  8 months ago, my life was fairly status quo.  Today, I've seen my future.  I'm undergoing major heart change and the renewing of my mind.  I'm going to HAITI.  Life is good.

I'm going to HAITI!!!

Dear friends and family,

This spring I have the incredible opportunity to join a group of youth and other adult leaders on a short-term mission trip to the country of Haiti.  I am unbelievably excited, and cannot wait to see what God can do through us as we love on the Haitian people.

We will be involved in drama, music, evangelism, rebuilding, and a myriad of opportunities presented to us, especially as Haiti is still recovering from the earthquake that rocked Port-au-Prince two short years ago.

The trip itself costs approximately $1,800, which doesn’t include the immunizations required to travel to this area of the world (adding up to a few hundred dollars more).  I have already paid for my plane ticket, but still have the other half of the money to raise.

If you would like to be an integral part of this opportunity, there are two things you can do.  I would be extremely grateful for any financial assistance you would like to contribute.  If you would like a tax receipt for your donation, please write your check out to Faith Assembly of Lacey, and attach a note including my name and indicating that it is for my Haiti trip. 

The other way you can support me is through prayer.  I covet any and all prayers over this trip—for our safety, for the organization we will be working with (Mission of Hope: Haiti, www.mohhaiti.org), for the Haitians we will encounter, and for God to work well through us.  We can’t do this without your prayers.

Thank you so much for your support.  I hope that you can sense a bit of the excitement I am feeling!  I am nervous, but cannot wait to see what happens on this trip!

God bless you, and thank you for everything!

(PS - Let me know if you'd like to donate - I can get you addresses and info off line! :))

Reflections...

2010 is now officially over. I said goodbye with some good friends from my Central days... and all their children (with noisemakers!). We laughed a lot, talked a lot, and did a lot of running (hurdles!), boxing, ping pong... all on the Kinect. :) I'm home now, in bed with a throat sore from outtalking all those kids, and am reflective... (who gave me the computer at 2 am??)

Tonight marked day 1,095 of reading my Bible straight. 3 years ago, I made a commitment to read a little bit each day for the month of January. I had no idea that I would be challenged (by myself) to continue in February, then challenged by Pastor Dan to increase it in March, and then just stick with it to see how long I could do it. That was the year I turned 30. That was the year I went to the ACM's for free. That was the year my sister got cancer. That time in the Bible, every day, after three years is not a duty. It's not one of those things I have to get done every night before I go to bed. It is an integral part of me. I'm afraid I would stop breathing without it. Thank you, Lord, for turning what I thought was a gift to You into a blessing for me. How honored am I?

This year I had to big opportunities (OK, big to me!) to speak in church. In May, three of us got to do 5 minutes on the topic of forgiveness. It was so much fun to get in front of a congregation and speak again, and to try to be as concise and clear as possible--in just five minutes. In December, I was able to tell my My Story to all three services (1 Saturday, 2 Sunday). Again 5 minutes, but this time it was my story with Jesus. I was reminded that I WANT to be up there, on that platform, speaking into people's lives. It's been so long since I've had opportunities like that, and I definitely feel rusty, but... I LOVE sharing/teaching about Jesus in front of people.

This week I rang the year out right by cleaning my office--no big deal to some, but to me, it was a room that has weighed heavily on me since I moved in 5 years ago. This, combined with one or two other things that I have put off for YEARS have truly freed me, mentally and emotionally from a lot of baggage... baggage I didn't even know was there.

This year I also received a little more clarity about some things in my future--missions I want to go on, and people/ministries I want to be involved in. I don't really know when... but I know that as soon as there is an opportunity, I want to be there.

This marked my second year of living in financial peace, as well. I can't say that I'm debt free yet, but I have cut my debt almost in half so far--and am praying for the second half to leave my life as quickly as possible.

This year I began writing my sponsored child, Ezra, more than regularly. I joined a second Friday of the month writing group, and have written the second Friday of the month--plus MORE for several months now. I am more excited to pray for her, to develop relationship with her, and just to know that I am able to contribute to a little girl becoming a young woman--following God.

2010 has been filled with so much more. It's been a year of growth--in areas where I am surprised to see change. I'm thankful. And I'm anticipatory for 2011... I think there will be more change, more growth... I'm doing my absolute best to follow my Jesus... And I'm excited to see where our journey will lead this year.

Happy New Year!

One Life Impacts How Many?

It's late and I'm laying in bed reading blogs on my laptop. I know I should go to sleep, but I always seem to push it to the limit on the weekends... weekdays, too, I guess. A few weeks ago a friend asked me, "You love sleep so much... why do you always try to put it off???" I guess I'll never know the answer to that one. :)

In my last post, you read about the book Outlive Your Life and how it and my small groups are affecting me. I'm here to say... it's still going on. This week's video during Tuesday's small group was so powerful--I was almost in tears watching the lives of 2 ordinary Americans change when their world was flipped in Haiti... when the earthquake hit just one week after they moved there to become English teachers. They found their ministry HOME, where they knew they belonged.

My heart has been yearning even more to make a difference in the world. I have always, ALWAYS wanted to leave a legacy, something that I was a part of that is so much bigger than me. God's showing small ways to do that now--and how to prepare for more ways to make an impact in the future. Our small group is planning on tackling an issue in our community, and I'm excited to see this group of women grow into that. I've been completely convicted in my lack of relationship building (i.e. letter writing) for my child I sponsor through Compassion. That conviction has led to me joining a group of other sponsors who write their children every second Friday (that's today, by the way!). My Ezra has a letter in the mail to her right now, and one sitting on my night stand with a bunch of pictures in it--just waiting for one finishing touch and a stamp. By sponsoring her, I AM fighting poverty, hunger, need... she's getting an education, learning about Jesus, and developing a friend--ME. I'm so blessed to call her MY friend... and over the last several months we've actually started to get to know each other better. If I ever go to Indonesia--she's the first person I want to see.

OK, it's nearing midnight. I'm going to go to sleep. But here's tonight's question... well, questionS. Have you written to YOUR sponsored child today?? If you don't have one, are you willing to make a long term difference in someone's life?

What Do *I* Know of Holy?

The first time I heard the song "What Do I Know of Holy?" by Addison Road on the radio, I really liked it. I thought it was beautiful, but the lyrics really didn't impact me. I learned them, though, and sang along each time I heard it. Then something changed in me...

I've started a new small group this season. It's based on Max Lucado's book, Outlive Your Life.
The study is rooted in the book of Acts. It questions our lives as we are currently living them; asking if we should stay in our safe comfort zones, or if God really meant it when He said that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) We have the decision right now to do something about hunger, poverty, orphans, the unloved, the hurting. WE have the capability. WE DO. YOU and I. RIGHT NOW.

Enter the marriage of "What do I Know of Holy?" and "Outlive Your Life."

"If you touched my face, would I know You? Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?" If I am doing nothing for the hurting in my community, in our world... what DO I know of His holiness? I DO know the stories; I CAN talk about His mightiness... but what about His desperate love for those who are DYING TODAY because they aren't being fed, or loved, or clothed. Did you know that in the last 5 minutes, NINETY children have already died of preventable illness?? 90!!! During my half hour lunch, every single day, that means that 540 children are dying... and I am doing almost nothing about it. What DO I know of Holy?

Now... I probably am not going to be able to save 2,160 children each week (the number who die during my lunch break during the 4 days that I work). I know that I make a difference in the life of the little girl I sponsor through Compassion. Many of the people I associate with do more than what most comfortable Americans (even American Christians) would say is "our part." But would God have me, would God have any of us stop there?

Questions that have bombarded me this past week:
* Why have I not re-examined foster care and gotten that process started?
* Why do I feel I have to wait until I am married before I can adopt?
* Why have I never volunteered with the food bank through my church?
* Why do I walk by so many needs in my own community and remain, for the most part, unaffected?

The answers (and resolutions) to these questions are between me and God. However, here is the question to YOU:

When your grandchildren discover you lived during a day in which 1.75 billion people were poor and 1 billion were hungry, how will they judge your response?