I have been thinking a lot lately (can you tell?).
Joey said something this weekend has really been bothering me. Basically, it was that I’m Red/Choleric (some would say a control-freak, leader, whatever—put it in your own light), however I hide a lot of that for whatever reason… And that bugged me. Because of *Jesus, *What I expect from others, *What I expect from myself. Let me explain.
JESUS
Jesus was who he was. Now, of course he was the Son of God and perfect and I'm nowhere near that, however... no one doubted him. They saw him and knew who he was, what he stood for, where his boundaries were, everything. He was a man of his word, a man of honor, a man of compassion... he was CONSISTENT.
OTHERS
How in the world can I expect others to be themselves with me if I can't open myself to them? (Bear in mind that I'm not going to open up every hurt or fear or joy to any random person--it must be a trustworthy person, someone following in the heart of the Lord...)
MYSELF
Perhaps I've been too... legalistic in my own mind--without even realizing it. Making a common (female?) mistake of finding things in my own life that I need to work on and then tackling them... not to the point where others see that as a focus (I certainly hope...) but so that Jesus can tell the difference between the constantly working Martha and the ADORING Mary in my heart.
Adoring Mary. I'm beginning to understand that. See... Mary was transparent in who she was with Jesus. Martha hid herself with THINGS and DUTIES. Mary told Jesus--Here I am. I love you. Love on me, please. The simplicity of it erases the complexity of religion.
Here I am, Jesus. I ADORE YOU. I love You more than I could have ever imagined I could love my Lord. Love on me, please. You are good and great and gracious... Kind and caring... Full of mercy, Full of wisdom. Hold me tightly in your arms and let me love you--love on me, too.
2 comments:
Ah I feel bad! I hope I didn't destroy you by saying that! What I was getting at was that it was interesting that you weren't as choleric/red around us as I think you are. It is a good thing that you aren't at times or there would be lots of conflict....I guess I tend to psychoanalyze people too much sometimes.... :o)
Joey, you goob! My identity is found in Christ, not in what other people think of me. You were right, and it's something I've struggled with--so it's very good to be brought out. It's really made me rethink how I portray myself to others... and I've actually gained a lot of confidence from that conversation!
However, there is a strong strain of.. "laid-back-ness" (if that's a good definition!) that often overrules the red. Part of that is Christ working--relationship is more important than me having my way... and then if the relationship is strengthed I ultimately got my way anyway. Get it?
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