It's interesting. Psalm 119 talks often about loving God's word - living it, breathing it, meditating on it. It often seemed to me that because I knew where things were in Scripture (or could find it really quickly), and that I read my Bible more than other people did, I must be meditating on the Word... at least more than other people do!
The past few weeks have really shown me that fallacy. Today will mark day 711 that I have read my Bible. What started as a one-month commitment to God has gotten me through the absolute best times in my life... and the absolute worst. Without my daily commitment early last year, I wouldn't have leaned so heavily on God during my sister's journey with brain cancer. I wouldn't have rejoiced as freely when her MRI's returned clear and we all learned how to LIVE again--changed, but hopeful.
One of the best parts about being a believer in Christ, though, is that He is always calling you higher and closer. When we master one area of our lives and put it in complete submission, He shows us another, and another. Lest we become apathetic, our Savior continues to say "Follow me. Love like me. LIVE like me."
In my life, that means an upgrade for my 711 days of reading. It was my involvement at church that brought this on... first with our 40-Days emphasis and my prayer of wanting to go deeper into what was already an everyday task for me; second with a sermon that, though I don't remember the specifics, resonated with me. On the evening of November 28th, I stood at the altar, presenting my heart to God, repeating the words, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Col. 4:6). God was working in me, reminding me that if HE abides in me, I must let HIM come out of me in conversation and specific situations that I face daily.
I went home that night and wrote that verse down, journaling a bit about it. The next day, as my mind began to wander to areas that caused me pain and sadness, I heard the words, "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5). The day after? "Do everything without complaining, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God" (Phil. 2:14).
Day by day, Scriptures would present themselves to me... though God speaking to me, reading my Bible at night, a Pastor's comment during church. Day by day, I have been meditating on His law... hearing His word repeated over and over... I see it during the day--in the middle of stressful situations, I've opened myself up to hear His voice, and learn His lessons of love.
Before you shake your finger at me, I fail at following His word daily. I DO hear it and turn the other way. Even after 2 years of reading every day, there are still nights when I just want to turn the light off and go to sleep, days when I want to say "Screw it all!" and have it out with someone right there. The intriguing part of it though... is that His Spirit, His voice...? It gets louder every day.
It's hard to ignore Someone who loves me this much.