Saturday, August 28, 2004

It's interesting, the things you learn about yourself when you do ministry. I haven't felt very passionate about what I'm doing lately... Like it's all just a face--the desire is there, but it's just not so real. God's talked to me a lot about that, but not necessarily in words. It's more like an internal desire planted very deep in me. Earlier this week I decided what I'm going to preach on tomorrow and then last night after work I was writing/studying some in the conference room. It was while I was in there that I realized just how... dispassionate my sermon was. It had words in it, good words, true words, but they lacked the emotion and strength that God had when they were written. I've struggled with it a little today, too... trying to figure out exactly what He meant and how in the world I can speak that into my OWN life, let alone the lives of other people. Do you know how passionate God is??? He chose the word "light" to describe himself... it's incredible when you think what light does... it reaches into places nothing else can. When a light is on in a room and the door is shut, you still know the light is on. Why? It shines so bright you can see it through every crack. Light goes through water... that's an interesting concept when you think of hte depths of the ocean where light never reaches. But it's also something warm... embracing... encompassing. like a hot car on a day when you're cold. And as reassuring as that is to me, a believer... what does that say to someone who feels permanently in the cold darkness? We have the responsibility, nay, the priviledge to share that warmth, that light with them. Anyway. Some thinkings.

I should go to bed. I'm going to get up early tomorrow to put everything in a better order than it is rumbling around in my brain right now. Night.

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