Saturday, November 27, 2004

Off Kilter

Here it is the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I'm feeling a little off kilter. You see... usually by this time of year I've fully immersed myself in Christmas. Christmas music, decorations, screen savers, desktop pictures, gifts, etc., etc., etc. But I've hardly listened to any Christmas music at all this year... and I'm not THAT excited about decorating (not being excited about decorating is a sin in my book!). I'm just not that hyped-up on Christmas this year. Don't get me wrong, I still love the season and everything it represents. I mean, it's the story of my Savior's birth--you really can't get more exciting and awe-inspiring than that! I just... I wrote myself a letter just before Christmas last year. I'm not allowed to read it until exactly 1 year has passed--that's in about 19 days. I don't remember a lot of it, but I know some things, some prayers, things that were and are still very important to me have not come to pass. There are steps in my life that I have not taken--some were more wishes, more out of my control, but others...

I will say this... I do like who I am today better than who I was a year ago today. God has taken me and done a total overhaul, much of which has happened in just the past month. I've been a big player in getting a CHURCH started... that's big. very big. I just don't know if I'm making the IMPACT I WANT to be making. HOW do I DO IT?

Time will tell, I suppose. So perhaps I'll enter this Christmas season a little more introspective. With more friends, too. A stronger and larger support system around me. Still unfulfilled dreams, yet dreams that will happen... probably not before Christmas (darn! LOL), but... they'll happen. And hopefully a new determination to truely access and give out the grace, freedom, love, and joy given to me by Jesus--the One who the season really SHOULD be focused on.


Jenni said...

I will admit, not being super-into Christmas IS unusual for the Emily I know so far...but that's okay. Who says you have to be locked into a role so young in life? YOU HAVE AN INTROSPECTIVE CHRISTMAS IF YOU WANT!!! :) love you.

Emily said...

Thanks - Smile.
If my quietness toward Christmas continues, this WILL be an interesting year. Still holding out hope that some of those prayers will get CLOSER to being answered this season, though. :) And look at one HUGE answer--I got a job AND a promotion!!