Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Why am I awake?

Yeah, it's only 10:05. It's not unreasonable that I be awake right now. But I'm at dad's, should be in bed--if not asleep, then at least reading. Oh well.

I think I acted on something God told me to do today. For the first time in a while I feel like I may just be obeying Him. Smile... to a non-Christian, that statement may sound pretty authoritarian--"obeying Him." But... to all you non-believers who read my blog (yes, I know who you are :)--and love you!), there is a certain peace that can only be obtained by obedience. If a parent tells a child not to run into the road, we all know they're doing it so the kid doesn't get hit by a car. If my Father tells me to do something, HE knows what cars are coming at me--and protects me from them--at least from being completely annihilated by them. I'm watching my family be uber-stressed right now... and I just have this... PEACE in me. Part of that is simply God's gift, part of that is knowing that I, His daughter, am listening to Him again. Because I haven't been.

And actually, I've been reading Hosea, too. You should read the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers sometime. It was good--a good story about Hosea. And the Psalms. I've been in there, too. And just some other random verses. You know... (Here comes confession time...) I haven't really wanted to read my Bible lately because... well, I think it just took too much effort and strength and probably time away from focusing on ME (like the universe revolves around me or something). God kept telling me, KEEPS telling me to get into it. I kept DISOBEYING. Revolting almost... Rebelling? And yet... I HUNGERED for it. I CRAVED His word. I NEEDED it--but I allowed myself to starve. Reading again has staved that spiritual starvation. I'm still hungry and desperately in need... but He's here, reading with me... supporting me. I love Him SO for that.


Jenni said...

Em, it's so good to read these things; you've been in my prayers! I think I WILL check out that book Redeeming Love...looking for new reading material...

Emily said...

Thanks, Jenni. I think the book would be a good one for you to read, too. It doesn't go DEEP or anything, but... it's good. :)
Love you!