Friday, July 13, 2007

What am I doing???

It's 10:50 on a Friday night and I'm sitting in my office staring at my computer... reading course schedules and Master's programs. I'm partially depressed because I can't just quit my job and my committments and do what i want - jump back into school, perhaps be a professional student? Seriously... I wouldn't mind learning for the rest of my life.

I suck at friendships, it seems, at least ones down here. Sorry, guys - I love you, I do. It's just... it's hard when it feels like there is such an age difference. I'm probably - well, it's an excuse. I'm sorry.

I dont' know what I'm doing with my life. At 29, aren't we supposed to know where we're going? Start saving up a little nest egg or something? Not scrimping by, hoping not to get an overdraft, wondering if there's enough cash to buy some milk... knowing what kind of job (or ministry) is where we want to go...

I feel like I've been in the exact same place for the past 4 years. Once I graduated, nothing changed. I'm just 4 years older.

I'm praying about the attitude, sorry (bracelet switch). It's just that... each year, each month, each DAY... i feel a little lonelier, a little more lost.

I think I should head to bed - and get a good night of sleep tonight. Night all.

4 comments:

Slicer said...

Love you EM!
You know if I was a little younger and single, I'd be on a plane...

I've been praying for you.

Francisco and Kristy said...

Emily I so understand from the deepest part of me how you feel. I hope you believe me when I say that.
I wish I could take you out to coffee and let you vent it all out all over me no holds bar, because I know that'd help just a little. I consisntly read your blog and feel in some small way that keeps us connected. I too suck at keeping in contact with people. The distance does something dispite all of the work we try and do to stop it. It still makes friendships so much more difficult.
wuff you

Jenni said...

Yucky stuff, and I"m sorry you're having to go through it. I'm glad you shared though. Hugs!

PMKat said...

I'm 10 years older than you and still trying to figure things out. Hmmm . . . that was supposed to help, but, um, maybe not? I'm praying for you!