This weekend I heard the prompting of God to do something and I didn't do it.
It was quiet. Gentle. It wasn't a voice telling me to do or not do something, it was more of a... a deep knowledge of a direction I should go. It may sound like someone talking about their "gut" or "instinct," but I've been hanging out with God long enough to be able to recognize His prompting in my life.
The problem is... Sometimes, especially when I'm not really paying attention... I can ignore Him so very easily.
This time, I, instead of acting on that gentle guidance that I should walk in the right way, chose comfort and, I hate to admit, laziness. I acted on what I wanted for the moment instead of what God wanted for eternity.
I'm saddened and disappointed, and am asking for forgiveness. But I'm also learning and questioning my own life.
What IF my antennae were up all the time to actually HEAR what it is God would say to me? What IF I were willing to live my life fully and completely sold out to Him? I like to think I am now, but there are multiple times when God reminds me of the choices I make apart from Him.
Tomorrow, I will wake up at 5:30 in the morning. What if my first thought is of my Savior, instead of how much I hate waking up at 5:30 in the morning? What if I spent my time getting ready praying for my pastors, my president, my governor, my family and friends, instead of rehashing things that happened yesterday? What if my drive to work is filled with praise to God instead of complaining about the terrible drivers on Ruddell at 6:30 in the morning?
Tomorrow I want to hear my God. I want to respond when He talks to me, when He prompts me to do or say something. If He asks me to pray, I want to pray. If He asks me to stay silent, I want to stay silent.
This life I've been given is not about me. As much as I would like to say it is, it's so far from being about me. My life is about Jesus. It's about leading people to Him, showing Him to them, loving them completely. Remembering that... well... It reminds me to heed the whispers of Jesus.