Have you done this?

An excerpt from Walking with God by John Eldredge:

(John has been journaling about prayer and talking with God. He's discussing praying about a decision here...)

"Now, if I don't seem to be able to hear God's voice in that moment, sometimes what I will do is 'try on' one answer and then the other. Still in a posture of quiet surrender, I ask the Lord, Is it yes, you want us to go? Pause. In my heart I am trying it on, letting it be as though this is God's answer. We should go? Pause and listen. Or is it no, you want us to stay home? Pause and let this be his answer. We should stay home? Pause and listen again."

A friend pointed out that she does this with daily life decisions. I realized that I do, too... Do I want a chicken sandwich or a burger? Get the taste in my mouth... which is more satisfying? I have never, ever done it with prayer, or with something more important than that.

In praying this prayer today... I think I heard an answer. I don't know how, when, with whom, or any of the other myriad of details... but I heard, "YES. DO THIS."

I want to cry with the joy it brought me. Thank you John Eldredge for the prayer support. God thanks you, too. :)

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I am SO not ready...

Last night in church Pastor Peter made a comment... I didn't get it verbatim, but here's the gist: "When God calls you to do great things, you will not be ready."

WHAT?

That was my first reaction. Well, I guess my first reaction was more like... "Uh, where's my pen, I think this is going to be important." Then my mind was blown.

You see... I think God is talking to me. Well, I KNOW God is talking to me, but I don't really know the words He's saying. The big picture of what I'm getting is basically this... I AM NOT READY. I AM NOT QUALIFIED. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK I AM DOING. Get the picture?

SO... when Peter mentioned that, and then said, "If you were ready, what would you need God for?" I sat there and went, "Huh. Well, that makes sense, guess."

Of course, he also talked about/we also prayed about some other things - things right on target with where God is pointing. The good thing for me right now is that I know I have two commissions: PRAY and LEARN. I have to pray for and about this issue, and I have to learn about it. For today, that's it. Hold on to your seats, though, everyone... it could all change in a moment.

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Little Bits of Life...

Pray for Haiti. It is heartbreaking to see their loss. God MUST shine a light over there.

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Last night Pastor Peter interrupted our small group. We are finishing up Ephesians and were in chapter 5. He quoted Ephesians 5:10... "...and find out what pleases the Lord." That was my journaled verse last night. What DOES please our Lord? What, in YOUR life, pleases Him? I think that it's all similar, but we all get different variations of pleasing Him. For example, when I'm at work and a certain individual is ranting on about an issue and I've already explained it sufficiently (in my opinion), it pleases Him when I think of HIM instead of myself... and respond appropriately instead of reacting like a child. :)

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Haggai 2:11-13
This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Ask the priests what the law says: If a person carries consecrated meat in the fold of his garment, and that fold touches some bread or stew, some wine, oil or other food, does it become consecrated?'
The priests answered, "No."
Then Haggai said, "If a person defiled by contact with a dead body touches one of these things, does it become defiled?"
"Yes," the priests replied, "it becomes defiled."

This struck me last week. It makes complete sense, but it's not really something I've thought of before. When I put my clean hand in mud, the mud is not made clean--my hand is made dirty. If I put smelly socks on my clean feet, my feet do not make the socks clean--the socks make my feet smelly. If I am forgiven by God and washed clean, and then do some action that is sinful, my "holiness" does not purify the action--I am made sinful again.

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Change of Heart

I'm going to do my best to take a bunch of jumbled thoughts and write them understandably... be prepared. :)

This past week I had 2 separate conversations with 2 different friends about growing in God--one led to the other. In the first conversation, a friend pointed out that I have grown and matured a lot in my faith, especially recently. It was brought up in connection with "relationships" (or lack thereof) and got me thinking... I HAVE continued to mature in my faith... it's astounding, especially considering the past year in dealing with cancer--when I felt that even breathing came to a standstill at times.

I shared this conversation with my second friend... and we continued the relationship theme. I stated... "I have read my bible every single day for the past 2+ years. (Today makes Day 730.) I continue to grow in Christ daily, it seems. How is this going to factor in to a relationship with a man? I already know that there are certain things that I need in a relationship... and since I want someone who will challenge me (and who I can challenge, too), where in the world am I going to find someone who will meet me where I am? Every month it gets more and more difficult!"

Her response was that obviously the pool gets smaller and smaller with the more growth you have. BUT... if *I* am out there looking for someone in the ever-shrinking pool, that means someone *else* is out there, too. It's hopeful.

And then tonight... Tonight we wrote our letters to God at church, an annual tradition. I was frustrated because I wrote pretty much the same thing in a letter 5 years ago--change a few of the details, but the same hopes and fears... I finally shoved the letter in the envelope and dropped it off on the altar. I was feeling selfish and instantly grumpy--aggravated that obviously I have NOT grown like I thought I have. And then, just as I turned to head to my seat, our worship pastor smiled at me. He was back doing sound, standing there making the CD play and doing whatever else they do back there, and he totally shook me out of my stale mindset. I AM in a different place. I HAVE changed and grown. I'm not perfect... the letter is still the same. My heart is still yearning for the multiple things I wrote about--both this year and for the past several years... but my yearning is rooted more and more in the love of Christ.

5 years ago, the thought of reading Scripture every day was a desire... but in action? No way. Didn't happen. 5 years ago, my finances were in chaos--not a completely lost cause, but with no hope of getting out. Today? I know when I'll be debt free and am ACTIVELY on my way to getting there. 5 years ago, I wouldn't be able to minister to those aching with the pain of cancer. Today, as much as I absolutely despise this fact, I can tell someone "I understand," and truly understand... and watch the love of Christ work in their lives. 5 years ago, I had no idea what a deep seeded NEED to obey God would do in my life... to heal the orphan, to love, to KNOW Him. I am far from perfect. VERY far. But my calling in life is NOT to live complacently. My calling in life is NOT to sit and wait for a man to meet me where I am NOW or THEN, but to meet me where I am GOING. My calling in life is to actively seek my Savior... I have NO idea where I'm going from here (hence the letters being so similar over the years), but He is taking me there step by step.

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Blessed be His name!

Happy, HAPPY Christmas to you all!!!

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1st Annual Worst Christmas Lights Contest

So the other night I was driving around my neighborhood and found a house that made me want to begin a new tradition... Thurston County's worst Christmas lights. I wish I could give you all the glory of this house... Parts of it move. It plays music. It twinkles and flashes and shimmers. Each individual part would make a nice decoration. Together? Santa, Mrs. Santa, and Elf vomit. (If this is your house, I'm sorry... but really? Wow...)

Here's the first shot (sorry they're not completely straight... to get the right setting on my camera, it had to be completely still. Apparently my car door is not parallel to the ground, lol.):

Take it in. Breathe in the wonderfulness. ;) A wee bit closer and you can really see the blow-ups not onlyin the yard, but also in the driveway, the TWO projections above the garage... the red "snow" on the roof above the fiery star. There are SO MANY Santas. Looking at it now, I wonder if there are 2 pink flamingos in the front - there was so much I just missed it all. Can you hear the music? "Up on the rooftop..."
Lest we forget the little bit of yard on THIS side... there are two carousel-like blow-ups over here. And more shimmering...
And, amid all the Santas and elves and Frostys... You can see Mary and Joseph hanging at the North Pole. NICE. THIS is what Christmas is all about folks.

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Piercing Goodnes...

Have you ever wanted something so much that it almost pierces your heart with the sweetness of its goodness?

There are very few things in my entire life that I desired like that. I've gotten one of those already. Thinking ahead to a few of the others tonight.

Delight yourself in the Lord, my soul... Delight yourself in the Lord.

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