Months ago I went forward at church during our prayer time. As the pastor was praying for everyone in general, he stepped down and prayed a specific prayer over me. I emphatically agreed with him in my heart, but didn't see a clear solution to the prayer.
Life moved on.
About a month later, another pastor, different from the first, called us forward if we wanted prayer at church. Again, the prayer for everyone in general. Then he stepped down, hand on my shoulder, and prayed a specific prayer over me.
Funny thing was... it was almost word for word the same as the initial prayer... and the second guy wasn't there the night the first one prayed.
I was encouraged that God certainly had a message for me. I prayed it over my own life. But the clarity about what the results should be, or specifically what it meant? Not. There.
Tonight, the pastor asked people struggling with a specific issue or specific need to come forward. My life fit in that, so up I went. My heart was continuing a conversation I'd been having with God for months, and He responded with half of a bible verse. A situation that I've been praying about for weeks suddenly had an answer. Pieces tumbled into place. And then, as I'm feeling slightly relieved that at least one thing is settling down, I feel a hand on my shoulder... and there's that prayer. Again. Aloud.
I know I'm stubborn. I know I'm hardheaded. I know that it usually takes me a few tries to acknowledge where God is leading me. But this time? This time I just want clarity on what He's saying.
The good news is that He's saying it. He's consistent. He's being as clear as He wants to be right now, I'm confident of that. I'm listening and I'm growing and I'm seeking His heart as He's holding mine.
I still feel like I'm missing something. I feel like there's a big puzzle piece sitting right in front of me, but somehow I'm missing it. I will pray. I will seek Him. And I will remember that as long as I am truly, wholy, wanting His will to be accomplished in my life, and acting on that desire, He will guide my steps, even when I don't "feel" like He is.
He's just that way.